GENTLE READERS: Brittany is making Tyler crazy by sending him emails in ALL CAPS. Ryan’s lunches are smelly and he leaves them sitting in the microwave while he gossips with Amanda from accounting. And everyone in the cubicle farm is tired of overhearing Dylan on the telephone bragging about her extracurricular activities.

It is hard to believe this is a place of work and not Mrs. Beacham’s third-grade class.

As no one relishes the thought of actually speaking to Brittany or Ryan or Dylan (Amanda is, surprisingly, trying to get some work done), it is quickly agreed that a memo -- or possibly a new page in the employee handbook -- is the right approach.

After that, consensus disappears.

Miss Manners to the rescue.

A great deal of time can be saved by dispensing with common, but unnecessary, debates about whether or not our subject is etiquette. It is, and there is no need to apologize for that.

It may also be passed off as ”good business practice,” “best-in-class customer service” or “fostering a safe environment in which everyone can do their best.” It may even be about creating a harassment-free work space. The handbook does not justify the jury duty policy, and it need not justify etiquette rules that should, perhaps, have been self-evident anyway.

Admitting that our topic is etiquette also helps avoid common traps.

The first is that high-sounding generalities are of no practical use. Admonitions to “dress appropriately” are too infirm of purpose. No one who wishes to keep a job intentionally chooses something inappropriate for the sales meeting.

“Professional business attire will be worn at all times” would be better, if there were any consensus on what such attire included. “Men are expected to wear dress shirts and jackets, although ties are optional” would not be Miss Manners’ choice, but it is at least clear. What that means for women is left as an exercise to the enterprising entrepreneur.

Specific kitchen rules (such as “only non-odorous foods permitted”) should be posted. If they are not followed, a rotating schedule of K.P. duty could be instituted (or threatened). And “There should be no expectation of privacy for personal conversations held in the office” ought to have a dampening effect.

Another trap is the flexibility that modern businessmen and businesswomen applaud indiscriminately -- until they find themselves in an uncomfortable position. Miss Manners is not against choices, but when choices proliferate, she has to ask whether a rule was actually necessary.

It should be obvious (but apparently is not) that the employee manual is also not the place to invent faux etiquette or to work out the pet peeves of the managing director. Or the managing director’s significant other.

If all of this seems too practical and businesslike for the office, she begs bosses at least to give some thought to who is delivering the message. No good results when the entire office agrees that the greatest offender against the new policy is the policy’s author.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I moved into the same neighborhood as some friends. (Let’s call them the “first couple.”) We have gone to dinner regularly for years as two couples, until a year ago, when our friends started inviting a third couple to join us.

The wife of the third couple is very flirty ONLY to my husband, while she acts “generic” towards me and anyone else in the room. My husband admits he is uncomfortable when she insists that he give her a ride on his motorcycle or shoot a game of pool with her. My husband has joined her in the basement to shoot pool, while her own husband just smiles, and the rest of us watch football upstairs.

I confidentially mentioned to her that my husband is uncomfortable with her constantly asking for a ride on his motorcycle, and suggested maybe she could stop for a while. Next time we saw her, she was MORE insistent and flirty.

I mentioned this to my husband, and to the first couple, who all think she is just having fun. My husband said he does not like her, and agrees that if I do not want to be around her, we will go to dinner only when she is not around. He now meets the men only, though on occasion he runs into her at the neighbor’s house.

I feel she ignored my request to stop asking my husband for a ride, and she has never been my friend. I feel like I made a request that was not honored, and now I look like the “psycho wife.” Please tell me how I should handle this situation.

GENTLE READER: While it is not fair of Couple 1 to assume that it is you, not your husband, who objects to the other wife’s behavior towards your husband, it is perhaps to be expected. After all, you are the one who voiced objections. Your husband played pool with her; he has not rebuffed her behavior. And the conflict has been resolved by removing both you and her from the socializing.

Miss Manners does not doubt what your husband told you in private. But she knows that the only workable solution will be for him to speak up, if not to the offender, then at least to Couple 1. And now that everyone thinks the problem is you, he will have to be that much more persuasive when he does.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wonderful husband turned 40 this year and couldn’t be more handsome. His hair, however, is thinning in the middle.

It’s never a “thing” until a couple he knows visits. They make a remark, and laugh at his expense in a kidding fashion, but I know it bothers my husband. It bothers me, too! How can I politely tell them their comments about my husband’s hair are not funny or welcome?

GENTLE READER: The proper way to respond to your visitors’ rudeness is with a humorless silence. But whether this is effective or not as a deterrent, sharing with your husband what you just told Miss Manners will mean more to him than their thoughtless behavior.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A year ago, my husband and I met a couple with whom we thought we had enough in common to make a go of a friendship. We’ve come to regret the impulse.

Each time we’ve seen them has been a bit less enjoyable than the time before -- for us. They either really like us or they are desperate for companionship (I suspect the latter), because they continue to try to make plans. I have delayed responding; I’ve said we couldn’t make dates they suggested and have not offered alternatives.

When I was young and single and didn’t care to go out with someone, I was taught that it was acceptable to simply say that I wasn’t “interested.” I’m pretty sure that’s not the thing to say in this situation, but I cannot for the life of me figure out how to convey the message. I’d like to get past this without being unkind or being thought badly of, but I will accept the bad thoughts if I must. Is there something I can say, or should I simply ignore repeated attempts to connect?

GENTLE READER: Sorry, but there is no decent way to say, “Now that we’ve gotten to know you better, we realize that you’re not very interesting.”

What you can do is to stop inviting them and stop accepting their invitations. No excuses are necessary. Just “Oh, I’m so sorry, we can’t. Thank you for inviting us.”

Miss Manners is aware that many people believe that frank declarations are better than merely drifting away. No, they are not. This is not a divorce we are discussing, but merely the kind of adjustment of social life that happens all the time for many different reasons.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I not come off sounding like the rude person when I ask someone next in line after me at a store checkout to please step back when I am trying to pay for my purchases?

This happens to me regularly, and the times that I have asked someone to please give me a little more space, they look at me like I am rude and sometimes start whispering under their breath to themselves or the person they are with.

Aren’t they being rude for invading my personal space and denying me privacy, especially when I am using my credit card and putting in my PIN codes?

What can I say that will not only make them back up in line, but perhaps even apologize and realize they were in the wrong, not me???

GENTLE READER: There is a slight but crucial difference between “Stop crowding me,” which is clearly meant when you ask for more space, and “I’m afraid I need a bit more space,” which suggests that it is you who need extra room to fish for your wallet or smack your forehead in the hope of remembering your PIN code. Miss Manners’ experience is that casting orders as favors results in fewer under-the-breath insults.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)