DEAR MISS MANNERS: A dear friend of mine recently became engaged after 12 years of dating. This is a second wedding for both parties, and both are well over 50 years old and established.

The groom has been unemployed for years, and the bride-to-be makes close to six figures. Regardless of their financial situation, neither could afford to have a large wedding, so they started planning a small, intimate event.

Flash-forward a few weeks. Suddenly, 70 invitations go out in the mail, people are being asked to provide tables, tablecloths, food, labor, decorations, flowers from their gardens, music, photography, transportation for her mother ... you get the picture. The last straw was when a call came to “man a table at the wedding to replenish supplies and keep the punch bowl full.”

Miss Manners, the guests of this wedding love and adore the bride and wish her nothing but the best, but how do we tell her that enough is enough?

In addition to throwing her a shower, assisting in throwing the wedding, and providing the setup and cleanup, she is expecting gifts. I love this woman, but am sick of feeling used and abused.

I’m tired of feeling guilty for saying no, and don’t want to offend her, but I’m at a loss and feeling very resentful.

GENTLE READER: Your friend is running an event-planning operation -- with no pay for her workers. As she is a good friend, Miss Manners suggests that you take her aside and tell her that her guests will be more at ease enjoying less-expensive fare than being asked to provide it. And then point her in the direction of the nearest dollar store and task-assistance app.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were hosting a small dinner party that included his 91-year-old father, whom we spend every day with, as well as a handful of other guests.

There were two separate conversations being held at the table when my husband openly shushed a guest and me, because he wanted to hear his dad’s conversation better. Our guest and I were caught off guard, but then politely stopped talking. Of course, she was never able to finish her story after that.

After our guests left, I told my husband that he was rude to shush us, but he felt that because his dad is 91, we shouldn’t have been talking, but instead just listening to his dad speak. Who was rude -- my husband, or our guest and I?

GENTLE READER: How loud were you speaking? Had your husband asked you and your dinner partner politely if you could speak more quietly, Miss Manners would have been more willing to take his side.

However, it is a reasonable expectation that at dinner parties of more than three people, multiple conversations may take place. If your husband’s requirement is that only his father should speak whenever he is present, then the occasions should be limited to smaller audiences. Or ones that exclusively involve speeches and toasts.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often enjoy bike rides, and, for various reasons, I tend to stop a lot while riding. I’m an introverted and private person. The problem: Often when I stop and get off my bicycle, another bicyclist comes along and stops to ask -- or, rather, demands to know -- ”Are you OK?”

Each time I’ve been asked, there has been absolutely nothing about the situation that suggests that I am NOT all right. I am standing there, intact (not prone on the ground, not seated, not scraped and wounded, not looking upset or as if I just fell); my bike is intact; I am often on the phone; and what’s more, I tend to be turned away from the approaching cyclist, to attempt to dissuade them from stopping and interrogating me.

Yet, apparently, none of these things have proved useful to discourage this questioning. When I’ve voiced these concerns with those who’ve stopped to inquire about my state, these conversations have not gone well. Admittedly, I’ve been testy and sarcastic in my replies, which reflects my annoyance. I’ve explained that I have a mouth and two hands, and could very well call or signal for help if I needed it. Yet, such replies seem to always result in the other rider snapping at me that I’m quite rude, and insisting I should be grateful that they offered to help. These scuffles do not make either my ride or theirs more pleasant.

I could simply reply “yes, I’m OK,” but to do that would be to support their practice of rather inappropriately and invasively (as I experience it) interrogating any stopped person, which I am reluctant to do.

If I say nothing at all, I am treated to a hail of insults as they ride off. If I try to explain why I don’t appreciate being commanded to reply to an invasive question/interrogation, I’m again likely to be treated to a series of insults, but there’s the off chance I might be able to illuminate someone.

Then again, perhaps it’s futile to think I can have any impact at all, particularly if my reply evidences any of the annoyance that I feel. Do you have any words of wisdom?

GENTLE READER: Hesitant though she now is to offer help, Miss Manners reminds herself that you asked.

Very well. As irritating as you find people’s unsolicited solicitousness, discouraging people from showing concern for others is bad policy. Snapping at people makes the world a less pleasant place and, what may mean more to you, prolongs the encounter. Grit your teeth, repeat, “Thanks, I’m fine,” and go back to your phone.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How long should you wait after you have been engaged to announce the wedding date?

GENTLE READER: Long enough to make sure neither you nor your betrothed will have a change of mind, but not so long that your would-be guests have booked conflicting vacations.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was surprised by my daughter-in-law’s method of declining an invitation to a family function.

I had sent a text explaining that two of the previously invited relatives would not be there due to illness, but that we had plenty of food to consume. I received a text from my daughter-in-law stating that my granddaughter was “still stuffy, and I would rather stay home where it is warm and comfy and put less mileage on my car.”

The daughter-in-law has developed a car infatuation, and I was hurt by the idea that she would put the car over family, as well as the implication that my house is not “warm and comfy.” I think I should also explain that I jump in the car and drive that distance to babysit my wonderful granddaughter at least once a week.

Am I being too sensitive, or was the text unnecessarily rude? We have always had a good relationship.

GENTLE READER: Texting is so wonderfully efficient because it strips away both formality and context, sometimes to a ludicrous degree.

Suggesting your daughter-in-law come over because someone has to eat all that roast beef, for example, might not have been the most gracious invitation of all time. Or it might have been understood as lighthearted, in-family banter.

Whichever is the case, Miss Manners would assume that your daughter-in-law was answering in kind, and perhaps should not be taken entirely literally. A more important question is: At what point was the refusal made? Refusing an invitation is not rude, but canceling after having accepted is.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I held a two-day yard sale, one gentleman bought several things the first day and told me that he would be back the next day to negotiate the price of an additional item. He did not say what time he would return.

I gave him my business card, but he did not contact me. About two hours into the sale the next day, another gentleman made an offer on the object, which I accepted.

An hour after that, the first gentleman returned and was upset that it was no longer available. He still purchased a couple more things, and I threw in a few small items for free.

Was I wrong not to hold the object until the first gentleman returned? What are the rules of etiquette for such situations?

GENTLE READER: Those who are untroubled by ambiguity may reasonably assert that as the first gentleman did not explicitly ask you to hold the item, there was no obligation for you to do so. (His assertion that he would return to negotiate was not a promise to buy; said negotiation might not have been consummated by a sale.)

Miss Manners understands that there was confusion all around. Your solution -- selling to the second buyer, but also apologizing to, and partially compensating, the first buyer -- is both defensible and polite. You could, alternatively, have explained the situation to the second person and taken his information as a hedge against gentleman No. 1’s non-reappearance.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)