DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend I have known most of my life, but we seemed to get closer the past 15 years or so. Some bad things happened in my life, and she was there for me at the beginning. But now that life is better, she doesn’t have time for our friendship. She is always busy.

Do friendships ever last a lifetime? Or is it normal for them to end? I’m wondering if I put too much importance on my friendships.

GENTLE READER: Your friend was there when you needed her. And now she is busy -- possibly even attending to another friend in need, or to factors in her own life.

Miss Manners does not see this as the end of a friendship, but it could become so if you are not as sensitive to your friend’s needs as she was to yours.

It is normal for friendships to become more or less intense depending on what else is going on in people’s lives. Considerate friends do not pout about being neglected, but adjust their expectations. So yes, you are attaching too much importance to the friendship as being the chief factor in your friend’s life.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you please tell me how to eat cooked peas?

GENTLE READER: Philosophically. That is, you must resign yourself to the fact that you will not be able to corner every last one of them, and that everyone else you ask will quote the jingle about using honey on a knife. Miss Manners will only offer you the comfort that the last pea is not worth chasing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When our daughter was married, many guests traveled from out of state to attend. As she and my son-in-law had been working for several years, they did not create a registry, and instead stated, “Your presence is our present.”

Our families are very traditional, and the wedding was small. Most guests brought cards with well wishes. I was shocked and a bit hurt that no one in my immediate family bothered to give them a card, much less any kind of gift. None of our siblings or parents is struggling financially. In fact, everyone is very successful.

I’ve never neglected to recognize a family member’s life event. It has been several months since the wedding took place, and no late cards have arrived. I know I should not hang on to this hurt, but I just can’t believe how much this has disappointed me.

Our daughter did not expect monetary gifts. But she feels sad that when she looks through her wedding mementos, no one in my family took a minute to even sign their names to a card.

GENTLE READER: Your daughter explicitly stated that the guests’ presence constituted presents -- which is unnecessary, as both are obviously voluntary -- and that is what she got. Unless you are referring to people who ignored both the invitation and the event, why are you and your daughter brooding?

Miss Manners cannot imagine where the idea came from that those who attend must also bring or send cards. You would both be happier concentrating on memories rather than counting mementos.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been told that proper ladies do not accept expensive gifts from men to whom they are not related, either by birth or by marriage.

How large or expensive a gift would count as improper? Does it depend on the means of the donor? Of the recipient? Which relations (e.g., father, brother), if any, are excluded from this rule?

Since many engagements are sealed with a pricey ring, does being betrothed count as an appropriate relationship for the exchange of other such gifts?

GENTLE READER: The engagement ring is a pledge, whose acceptance is dependent on a forthcoming marriage. That means it is to be returned if either person breaks the engagement. Miss Manners is sorry, but the jilted should have only the satisfaction of throwing it in the faithless one’s face, not of selling it.

A variation of this will tell you what a lady should not accept from a gentleman to whom she is not related or planning to become related: anything she would still want to keep even if she discarded him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have numerous friends and colleagues who email me to meet with them over a meal or to join them for some general event, such as attending the movies. Then they message, asking: What restaurant or movie do I want to attend? What is the location, date and time?

In other words, I essentially am invited to review restaurants, look up movie options and viewing times, and peruse my calendar to share dates and times I have available, then send this information back to them to pick and choose. When I demur and suggest they manage the options, I hear how they don’t care and just want to do whatever I want to do.

What I want is a clear-cut invitation without the long email back to them with all the information from me.

What is a polite but firm and determined response I can use to get the persons inviting me to make their own arrangements? I have said in the past that I was in a work crunch with deadlines and just preferred that they manage the details, but I generally get, again, “But I don’t care and want to do what you prefer.” Or “OK -- what is a restaurant you like, or a movie you want to see? When are you available?”

GENTLE READER: This exchange is known as “After You, Alphonse.” Everyone is trying to be considerate, but it drags on too long. Miss Manners suggests that you go only so far as to name a date, and then say, “Please surprise me. I have great faith in your taste.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I showed an acquaintance a photo of me that was taken nine years ago. The photo is of me, in a beautiful ball gown. His response? “That doesn’t look like you at all.”

It was irritating at least, humiliating at worst. What do I say if I get this rude comment again?

GENTLE READER: “I know. I changed my clothes.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two years ago, I neglected to give my brother and sister-in-law a wedding gift.

We live in a very remote location, and it’s difficult and expensive for us to leave our home base. So when we traveled for his wedding, we tacked on several weeks of travel around the country to see all our family and friends. During this trip, our main credit card came up for renewal and we misplaced the new cards. The bank said replacements would have to be sent to our home address, no exceptions.

This was OK, since we had backups. But then, the day before the wedding, we were victims of identity theft. Our remaining funds (bank accounts and associated cards) were frozen.

We had planned to buy the gift that day. (I know, I know!) Obviously we couldn’t. Dealing with the identity theft and the near-total lack of money, thousands of miles from home and weeks away from our return plane tickets, was pretty rough.

By the time we tried to buy my brother a gift again, we could no longer access his registry. We kept meaning to figure out an alternative ... and we just didn’t.

My brother and I have never talked about it. My husband and I have since had a short, pleasant visit with him and his wife, so I don’t think they’re holding a grudge. But I feel terrible! We never told them about our money situation, because at first we didn’t want to bother them, and then later it sounded too ridiculous and far-fetched to share.

What do we do now? Do we bring it up? Let it go, since they don’t seem mad? Send an anniversary gift? That seems kind of creepy. They’re planning on starting a family soon -- should we send something extra special for the baby and call it good? Or do we just bury this forever?

GENTLE READER: Two years ago seems long enough for this to have become a funny story. Since everyone here has behaved well -- and not harbored resentments or made demands -- why not surprise the couple with an impromptu present?

Particularly now that they have settled into their home and you are familiar with their tastes, it will be that much more meaningful than if it had been just an item checked off their registry.

The added advantage, Miss Manners notes, is that future family harmony may be secured. The omission can now no longer be brought up 20 years later in an unrelated squabble.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are expecting our third child. It so happens that my OB’s office and our children’s pediatrician are in the same building.

This building has a handful of spots reserved for expecting mothers. I parked there while taking my son to his doctor, but my husband felt like those spots are to be used by OB patients. I feel like pregnant is pregnant, and those spots are open to any expecting women, regardless of which doctor you are visiting.

GENTLE READER: Anyone who follows a pregnant woman into a doctor’s office to confirm that she is there only for the most obvious reasons forfeits the high ground, as well as the parking spot. Otherwise, Miss Manners agrees with you that you are entitled to it for the duration of your pregnancy.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)