DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went to dinner for the first time in the home of a fellow artist friend and her husband. It was immediately apparent that entertaining was not her forte: Hors d’oeuvres consisted of two bags of chips and two tubs of dip opened on the kitchen counter.

As we sat down for dinner, the hostess tripped on her way to the table and dropped the dish of chicken and potatoes, the entire contents of which landed on the carpet. I offered to help rinse the food, but she just placed it back in the dish and set it on the table.

I was appalled, but not wanting to be rude, I politely ate the food, fighting back a gag reflex. What would you have done?

GENTLE READER: Likely the same. However, Miss Manners is amused by the implication in the first part of your letter. It appears two-fold: that your hostess somehow deserved her fate and that in the wake of it, there was nothing decent to eat.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the second wife (of four years) to a man whose first wife never remarried, isn’t dating, and now lives a town away. Their daughter was invited to be a bridesmaid and plan the shower for the wedding of her longtime friend, whose parents used to be close with my husband and his ex-wife.

Both the bride and her parents know that we are a couple. We were informed that my husband and his adult daughters would be receiving invitations, but that I would not.

We found this to be incredibly rude, but also incredibly strange, as there is no animosity. The parents of the bride giving this lavish event can certainly afford to invite a substantial guest list -- and it is quite substantial. These aren’t people who ever typically lack in manners; they’re highly educated medical doctors and genuinely nice people.

The parents of the bride were very close with my husband’s family for decades, and seem to have planned for everyone (the parents of the bride and my husband and his ex-wife) to all be together at this event “like old times.”

While this is fine, circumstances have changed; he is no longer married to her and hasn’t been in nearly seven years. I put my confused and hurt feelings aside and said, “Don’t ask them why they did it, and don’t dare dampen the day. Just go and have fun and celebrate the wedding.”

My question is, though: Is it normal to invite only half of a couple to a wedding?

GENTLE READER: No; it is rude. Particularly since you were told beforehand that such was the intent.

However, if you want to emphasize your utter graciousness without appearing to be petty, Miss Manners recommends that you send a note afterwards to the hosts saying, “Jacques and the girls had such a wonderful time at the wedding. Thank you for inviting them. I trust that I will get the chance to know you better at another occasion.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner lost a friend who was suffering from depression and mental health issues. The family of the deceased decided to have a big celebration of life later in the year.

In the meantime, my partner, who was grieving, wanted to host a small dinner in remembrance of his friend. Although the friend was not from the small town we live in, he was part of the community and was friends with many people.

In trying to keep the gathering intimate, my partner only invited close friends of the person who had passed. The people who attended had all worked together for many years and shared a common bond with one another and with the deceased.

This was very upsetting to a few people who expressed that they “deserved” to be there, and that it was “mean to exclude them.” What is the proper etiquette for a situation like this?

GENTLE READER: Although it is rude to protest to a host for not being invited, Miss Manners believes that it is worth assuaging hurt feelings when possible.

The solution in this case is to invent an objective grouping. Saying that your event was for people who worked with the deceased -- particularly since the family is doing a separate remembrance, and your partner and the deceased were not related -- will answer anyone who was not a co-worker. If necessary, you can further limit it to people who knew the deceased for some length of time, worked in close proximity to him, and so on. The rule need not be an exact match for the guests, as those who are not invited will not be present to check.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I frequently travel for work, and often stay with local hosts rather than in hotels. I am a low-maintenance guest, and kind to my hosts. I thank them in person, and also, when possible, by name at the events where I am a speaker. I also send a personal and sincere message of thanks by email afterward.

But does that note of thanks afterward need to be handwritten? If so, can it be a card left in the bedroom where I’ve been staying, or must it be mailed?

Also, does etiquette require a gift for my hosts? I’ve been trying to think of something appropriate for hosts I may not know, whose personal tastes are a mystery, and that’s small enough to fit into compact air luggage.

GENTLE READER: Your understandable confusion is caused by the melange of business and personal manners. Were you visiting a friend, it would be reasonable to reciprocate your hosts’ hospitality with more than a letter: inviting them out to dinner and sending a present. Presumably, you can guess your friends’ tastes.

But you are working. Your hosts -- and Miss Manners does not mean to lessen their generosity -- are making a donation to the cause. Presents are not necessary, but a handwritten letter, sent after you return home -- leaving it in the room suggests that you have a supply to hand out -- would be extremely gracious.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it normal to make decisions in your current relationship based on the fact that you might not be together in the future? Example: I don’t want to have my tubes tied in case this marriage does not last, and my next husband wants to have kids with me.

I was having this discussion with my significant other, and they said I was being sensitive and I should not take it negatively -- that “it’s just real life.”

GENTLE READER: Say what? Miss Manners was still following you through the example. Certainly, if you do not think a relationship is going to last, no one can blame you for thinking about different possible futures.

Expressing those thoughts to a husband you are not so sure about is another matter. Miss Manners got lost when the husband was demoted to a significant other and chided you for being overly sensitive.

If you were the husband on the receiving end of your wife’s unpleasant expression of doubt, it would be reasonable to be upset and concerned that you were being pushed out the door -- in thought, if not yet in deed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite, non-offensive way to ask a customer service agent to transfer my call to a representative who does not have a foreign accent?

It has been my experience that I am often frustrated or angry with whatever circumstance has caused me to call a customer service department. I become even more upset when the representative does not understand the details of my complaint. There are so many Americanized phrases and terms that we use that may not be literally translated, which causes unavoidable confusion in the conversation.

I completely understand that it is not the representative’s fault. She deserves to be commended for being able to speak another language so fluently; I certainly cannot! However, when I am anxious to have an unpleasant situation resolved, I would simply appreciate not having a language barrier.

I don’t want to offend the person on the other end of the phone. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: There is no polite way to ask for an agent without an accent, but there is a simple alternative: Apologize that you are having trouble understanding their answers -- the connection must be bad -- and hang up. If there are intelligible agents to be found, you may get one on a second call.

Miss Manners realizes that you will now have to explain your problem again from the beginning, but she assures you that this would have happened anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A future houseguest is insisting on coming for nine days, and also asked if they can do laundry while here. Nine days is too long, and no, I do not want them doing laundry at my house. How do I tell them this?

GENTLE READER: If you found it impossible to work up the courage to tell the guest not to move in, Miss Manners is not confident anything she advises will help. You might place an “out of order” sign on the washing machine, but this will prevent you from doing your own laundry -- and will make an unpleasant houseguest even more so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)