DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I made friends with a single father. He has an 11-year-old daughter who is an angel (except that she’s glued to my hip whenever they are over, taking any adult time), and a 3-year-old son who craves attention in a reckless way.

I love kids and have a knack for them, but don’t have any yet. Neither of these children has a mother figure, and they bid for my attention. I find myself essentially babysitting his kids whenever he’s over for my own peace of mind.

The little boy is a terror. On his first visit, he tried to smash a piece of electronics. But I’ve come to find him extremely intelligent, and see that he’s being destructive as the only way to get attention.

We had several conversations, and he no longer tries to smash my things; he pets my dogs nicely, instead of trying to hurt them; he won’t go near the wood stove, and is, for the most part, a little angel -- here, at least.

But I think I offended his dad. I’m aware it’s rude to parent other people’s children, but the only alternative would be to end the friendship, which I find extreme.

There has been an ongoing issue with the child touching kids at preschool. So I sat him down, explained to him how it’s disrespectful (we went over respect when he was smashing my stuff), and his dad cut me off, saying that talking to him about an issue for more than a moment makes it worse. (I’ve never seen him speak to the child except in a disciplinarian tone.)

I haven’t seen or heard from him since. It hasn’t been that long, so I doubt he’s absolved the friendship, but how do you suggest I proceed if we continue to be friends?

GENTLE READER: When it comes to the rearing of children, outsiders (those who do not live with them -- inclusive of, but not limited to, friends and grandparents) are usually only seeing part of the situation. What has worked for you and the child may not be working for his father, and vice versa.

You should, however, be able to dictate decorum in your own house, especially when it comes to the preservation of your furniture, dogs, the little boy’s life and your own sanity.

Still, you would do well to make amends proactively: “I am afraid that I have offended you when I thought I was helping. Darwin has responded so well to the chats about respect that we have had that I thought it would help him to understand how it transfers to his friends at school. But I am not the parent and I did not mean to overstep. I hope that we can continue the friendship, as we have come to love you and the children like family.”

The “like” is a critical qualifier, Miss Manners points out. It ensures that you do not cross boundaries -- and that your guests eventually go home.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to drink coffee or tea during an office meeting?

GENTLE READER: On the contrary, it may actually be a requirement.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance recently introduced me to her friend by saying, “I would like you to meet Jenna. Her husband is an orthopedic surgeon.”

I felt very embarrassed by this. I am a registered architect, which my friend is aware of, yet she chose to identify me as someone’s wife.

My friend is also a young professional, so I can’t chalk it up to tradition. Did my friend assume people would be more interested knowing I was the wife of a big-shot surgeon than a middle-class architect? What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That your acquaintance’s friend was in need of orthopedic surgery.

There is the possibility that she found your husband’s career more impressive than yours, or your place in society more noteworthy as his wife. But rather than fuming during the conversation, vowing to cut off your friend forever, Miss Manners recommends that you listen and find out first.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it no longer appropriate to use linens that are old, frayed at the edges and stained (though clean)?

I have white linen table napkins that I use every day, and I love them so much I hate to retire them. When I used them for friends who’d arrived for an impromptu lunch, I realized that they looked sad and old (the linens, not the friends).

The blemishes are just tea stains that don’t bleach, not anything hideous. I guess my question is, must linens be pristine before they can be used with guests?

GENTLE READER: Napkins, like guests, wear over time, but we still entertain the ones that endure without outward offense. To be safe, however, Miss Manners suggests that you purchase new napkins for guests and use the old ones only for family -- who tend to be more forgiving of things that are aging, yet still functional.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a “sprinkle” for a friend’s second baby, and we were asked to pay $50 to attend. A link to a small registry was included in the e-invitation.

How do you feel about this concept? I was surprised to see so many internet columns condoning this modern phenomenon. Thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That this columnist considers the event to have very low entertainment value for the high price of admission.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I started losing my hearing at age 30, and the No. 1 response I get when I say “I have hearing problems” tends to be, “What?”

This “joke” was mildly amusing the first time, but has gotten pretty old by the thousandth. My usual response is a sort of exasperated/resigned sigh, and “Oh, wow, I’ve never heard THAT one before!” or a weak smile and a “ha ha.”

Since I imagine that sarcasm is probably not very polite, I’m looking for a response that is both polite and pointed, to let the would-be comedian know that this joke is old, tiresome and not appreciated.

GENTLE READER: A concerned expression and, “Oh dear. You, too?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been seriously ill for a couple of years, suffering from multiple health issues. I should be fine in several months, but the cure will require surgeries, and my strength must be built up before that can happen.

I do not want attention, and I do not like to talk about these very personal issues -- nor can I imagine that acquaintances wish to hear the details. Yuck!

Until I am strong enough for the operations, though, life is not easy. I feel terrible and exhausted, and rarely go out. I am pale as a ghost. My eyes seem to have retreated back into my head. Makeup makes me look like a sick person who painted their face orange. My hair is dull and just hangs there, as I have not been able to get a haircut. I have lost a lot of weight, and my hands shake.

When I do venture away from home, I am often approached by people I do not know well. They walk up to me, poised for a hearty handshake and some small talk, and then recoil, pulling their hand back dramatically and declaring, “You’re sick! Stay away! You shouldn’t be here!” I assure them that I am not contagious, but they are never convinced.

Getting a bit of fresh air and a change of scenery helps me to cope. Feeling like a public spectacle does not. Talking about all the troubles life has sent my way, just so germaphobes and nosy people will believe that I really don’t have the flu? That makes me cry. Do I need to hide indoors until I am healthy again?

GENTLE READER: Nothing would make Miss Manners happier than to be put out of business by an incurable outbreak of consideration and politeness. But as you are heartbreakingly aware, this has not happened yet.

The consolation she can give is that etiquette does not require any further effort on your part, such as disguising how hurtful these people’s reactions are. In Miss Manners’ perfect world, your explanation that you are not contagious -- and your stricken look -- would be enough to make people think about someone other than themselves next time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m wondering which party is responsible for extending social invitations when the “inviter” was previously declined by the “invitee,” and they are not close friends or family. I’ve had several situations in which I’ve invited co-workers and casual friends/acquaintances to participate in some social outing or activity, and they’ve declined, but said something like “We should do something another time!”

Should I continue to invite them to do things? Or does the ball go to their court, so to speak, and I should wait for them to extend me an invitation? And if they do not ever do so, should I take the hint and assume that they’re not interested in having a social friendship?

GENTLE READER: You are right to suspect someone who declines an invitation while offering a nonspecific future alternative. But suspicion is not proof.

Miss Manners would expect, but does not require, the invitee to make the next move. The time to stop asking is while the invitee is still embarrassed and evasive, and before she finds it funny that you are so misreading her lack of interest.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)