DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a teacher, and part of my job is contacting the parents or guardians of students having academic difficulties. I obtain the contact information from an internal school website.

Often, the listed first names of parents are (at least to me) gender indeterminate, and I don’t know whether to start the email with “Mr.” or “Ms.” Using “Dear Mr./Ms.” seems insensitive and borderline offensive.

I imagine this dilemma affects people in non-teaching occupations, as well. Do you have a suggestion on how to deal with this sometimes-awkward issue?

GENTLE READER: Seize the opportunity to use “M.,” with or without an ambiguous squiggle. With any luck, this neutral honorific will catch on and we can begin to obliterate the often-misgendering labels.

People may be confused at first, possibly wondering if you believe that you are addressing a French gentleman, but if we can all push through the awkward phase, we may be on our way to updating society.

By way of thanks, however, please have the courtesy not to point out that Miss Manners herself is still part of the antiquated tradition.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After social events at our home -- barbecues, dinner parties, holidays -- I always send our guests a note to thank them for coming (and for their side dish, dessert, wine, etc. if they brought something). Unless it’s a very casual event like a weekend cookout, I send written notes. (For last-minute or casual events, I’ll send individual emails.)

My partner feels this is inappropriate and a waste of paper and stamps, and that it is the guests’ responsibility to thank the hosts, not vice versa. I believe that, a) it’s a few minutes and a pittance; b) I really am glad they were there; and c) what’s wrong with a few more thank-you notes in the world?

He also worries that it sounds like I’m fishing for a reciprocal invite, though I never say anything beyond a neutral “I hope we’ll be seeing you again soon!”

GENTLE READER: Reluctant as she is to condemn a thank-you letter, Miss Manners has to agree with your husband -- although not for his reasons.

To thank your guests for coming not-so-subtly points out that they have yet to thank you. Perhaps better to call and have a good gossip over the evening, giving them the chance to thank you for it then. You may commence an unrelated written correspondence anytime after that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother-in-law sends group texts -- mainly to his family, whom I have never met, but I’m included. I find it rude and invasive, plus I don’t like getting constant texts from people I don’t know. It’s similar to party-line phones from when I was very young.

I constantly delete these texts. How do I let him know I don’t want to be included?

GENTLE READER: “New phone, who is this?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went to visit friends out of town, staying at their home to enjoy a weekend festival. One of the friends I was staying with was also performing in the festival, and by Sunday evening, was exhausted and went to bed around 8 p.m.

I remained at the festival and met a new friend, enjoying conversation and a meal. Later, my new friend offered to drop me off where I was staying, which I accepted. On the way, he mentioned that he needed to use the facilities, if possible.

Now, I don’t want to inconvenience a person when nature calls, but as a guest, I also don’t feel right allowing a complete stranger into my host’s home.

In this case, my new friend politely changed course and said that he would find a restroom on the way to his own home after he dropped me off. So I was spared having to provide a response. But how should I respond in the future when this kind of thing happens? What prerogatives are allowed to a guest?

GENTLE READER: They are not allowed to invite additional guests, no matter what kind of intentions nature has in mind.

Not only because it was not your home, but also because you had just met the gentleman, Miss Manners is worried about your safety. No doubt, he assumed that you were having similar concerns. But then, there may be some doubt that he really had to go to the bathroom.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to photograph people when they are sleeping?

GENTLE READER: It is, if the subject is over the age of 5.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A good friend does something which bothers me. When we are with other people and she is talking, she looks exclusively at the other person as she talks, almost as if I am not there.

It really annoys me, and I don’t know how to point this out to her without sounding peevish. Rather than politely addressing this, I have just been leaving.

GENTLE READER: What then, Miss Manners wonders, is your definition of peevish? This habit of your friend’s may be annoying, but perhaps your friend considers that since you are close, you already have the information she is conveying.

If that is not the case, ask her questions. She will be forced to address you -- and likely be grateful for the attentiveness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My generous mother-in-law loves to shower my three children with presents -- at every holiday and other “just because” times during the year.

My kids love it, of course, and I don’t want to deprive her of the joy of giving gifts. However, we live in a small house and cannot keep everything she gives.

Would you please give me a gracious response to her question, “Are the children using what I gave them?” Sometimes the answer is “yes,” but other times we have given those items away. I’m not sure how to respond in these cases.

GENTLE READER: “I can assure you that they are well loved” -- omitting the true ending of that sentence, “... by someone else.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While dining at a restaurant, my husband signaled our server to our table by saying, “Oh miss, I’d like more coffee.”

I told him that addressing her in such a manner was no longer appropriate, but he countered that calling her by her first name or her job title, such as “Oh waitress,” was even worse.

How exactly does one address a server these days, particularly those who are female, without wandering into a minefield of words that could be considered outdated at best and offensive at worst? Normally, I ask people how they’d like to be addressed, but doing so while being served dinner does not seem appropriate, either.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette exists to solve such problems, which is why Miss Manners slaps the hands (metaphorically) of people who actively seek reasons to be offended. A waitress who takes offense at being called “miss” -- a perfectly proper and respectful form of address -- should steel herself for less pleasant alternatives.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to the wedding of the daughter of a close friend. A card was enclosed with the invitation that stated that the couple had everything they needed for their household, and directed guests to a website to help pay for their honeymoon excursions.

The website listed the events the couple requested, with each payment “slot” costing from $100 to $518. Some of the events listed were: room service, spa treatments, private candlelight dinner, “scents of love” couples massage, souvenirs from their honeymoon, coffee and brown sugar “skin wraps” or Caribbean seaweed wraps -- “to firm, hydrate and remineralize environmentally damaged skin.”

First of all, the couple have been living together for two years. Secondly, they went on a trip very much like a honeymoon when they became engaged, and posted the pictures on social media for everyone to see.

My friend let her daughter plan her own wedding and takes no responsibility for anything she decided to do. She has never crossed her daughter, and finds it’s easier to just buy her things in hopes of winning her love.

I chose to send a check as a present, but I am still very upset about this tacky request. Is this an accepted practice in today’s world? Am I that out of touch?

GENTLE READER: You are indeed out of touch, but Miss Manners encourages you to consider the advantages of this condition:

All these newfangled things (in this case, websites) are simply incomprehensible to you -- so, in your quaint, old-fashioned way, you sent a present instead. This allows you to have a private laugh at your friend’s daughter’s expense while avoiding the rudeness of telling her that while she may be up-to-date, she is also rude and grabby.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)