DEAR MISS MANNERS: My cousin “omitted” to tell me that her husband tested positive for COVID while he was abroad.

We have been talking quite often during this time, and when she expressed her fears regarding the virus, I assured her that any person can take some basic steps to prevent contamination.

She had mentioned that some of his colleagues were found sick, but never said anything about her husband. She only confessed that he had been sick after he returned, probably thinking that I might have found out anyway from another source.

Her attitude was, “He tested positive; haven’t I told you?” No. You haven’t. “Um, OK. He was sick, but he’s fine now. He’s doing well, and we expect a quick recovery.”

There was no other information after this news. I have had mixed feelings considering the dishonesty and lack of communication, and I have even questioned our friendship.

Later, I felt a little sorry for her situation, and planned to make a sympathy call to ask her if they needed any help. Just minutes before this planned call, a relative mentioned that my cousin’s family went on a trip to the mountains together with his brother’s family.

I feel very confused, and I don’t know how to proceed when I see her next.

GENTLE READER: If your cousin had come to dinner without telling you her husband’s medical condition, Miss Manners would better understand your complaint. Such an omission could have put your family at risk.

But she did not. She did not even omit to tell you -- she simply delayed, possibly out of embarrassment, and then tried to cover that delay in a clumsy way.

None of this makes you the victim. Since it is past time for you to express sympathy and support, when you do call, you may have to accept gracefully any coolness of tone on the part of your cousin.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend’s wedding was postponed from last spring due to COVID-19. I had RSVP’d yes before positive cases in my state soared.

I have now rescinded my RSVP, because the event is unsafe. The bride is angry and doesn’t believe the deadly pandemic is real. Should I still send a gift?

GENTLE READER: Whether you should want to send a present will depend on how significant a rift was caused when you told the bride that she was endangering people’s lives.

It was once enough for Miss Manners to point out that doing so is not more polite simply because it is true. This was in the days when public health pronouncements were made by trained officials to the public (for whom there was always an exception to the above rule), rather than the other way around.

It remains true that the bride is unlikely to take the news well. A present might heal the rift, and you can even order it online while you are on the telephone discouraging Grandma from attending.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the second year in a row, my friend forgot my birthday. Over 20 years ago, when we first became friends, she started the tradition of giving me an inexpensive token gift to mark my birthday. The emphasis was always on the thought rather than the expense. Each year, I responded similarly on her birthday, which is several months later.

When she married, she and her husband started calling me on my birthday to sing “Happy Birthday,” as well as giving me a token gift when next we met.

I honestly think my birthday just slipped off her calendar and that it is an oversight. After all, she was the one who started the tradition of thoughtfulness.

Last year, I proceeded as if I hadn’t noticed, and gave them token gifts when I saw them. How should I proceed this year? It’s clear that my birthday is no longer on her calendar, and is not likely to return.

We often talk by phone and used to attend a lot of cultural events together. Since we won’t be seeing each other due to the pandemic, it will be easy to let the gift tradition slide.

I would like to at least text them a greeting on their special days, but feel awkward. Would it be an impolite reminder that they forgot mine?

GENTLE READER: It may well remind them, but that does not make your courtesy into a reminder.

Miss Manners would like to congratulate you -- not so much because you had a birthday, but for refraining from being morose about your friends’ omission. She often hears from less mature celebrants who consider their birthdays to be tests of whether their friends meet their expectations.

Such little customs do slide off, which should not be cause for grievance. This friendship seems to be continuing, so you should feel neither obligated nor banned from offering them birthday greetings, without regard to whether they do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young woman whose mother passed away. I am looking for advice on how to appropriately interact with my mother’s family members, from whom I am estranged, at her memorial. I did not hear from any of her siblings or adult nieces and nephews during her long illness, or since her death, so our estrangement runs deep. I know a memorial is no place to air grievances, but I also do not wish to be hugged by these relatives or to exchange warm pleasantries.

GENTLE READER: Wear a black veil covering your face. As these are rarely worn nowadays, they are all the more indicative of deep mourning, signaling that you are fragile. (They also shield signs of crying, with less of an air of jauntiness than their modern substitute, sunglasses.) The seriousness of formal mourning ought to remind your relatives of the obligations that they skipped.

Alternatively, Miss Manners should note that a hand held in the “stop” position to ward off any close approach is no longer insulting in the age of social distancing. You could also ask a friend to steer you away when necessary.

But please do this subtly enough so that it is neither conspicuous nor confrontational. As you have stated, this is not the occasion to make any sort of scene.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have hosted a Thanksgiving party for family (around 30 people) every year for the past 12 years, always on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Although we still send out invitations for the event, everyone has come to expect to spend that day at our home.

Some of the younger relatives even travel from both coasts to our home in the Midwest. (I know: We are SO lucky!)

However, we have decided that we are not comfortable hosting the party this year, due to the pandemic. Should we send out announcements now that we don’t plan on hosting? Or maybe just call/text/email everyone? Or just not send the usual invitations six weeks prior to the holiday?

No one has inquired yet as to our plans, but I’m afraid they may just be assuming that we still intend to host.

GENTLE READER: Yes, you should let them know fast -- by call, text or email.

There does exist a formal way of announcing that one is not asking for “the pleasure of your company”: It is that the hosts “... regret to announce that (event) will not take place.” But this is reserved for occasions such as canceled weddings, where there is a vain hope of not having to tell everybody why.

In the current situation, everyone would know why. Yet confirmation of the cancellation, in case there is some accommodation or alternative plan, would be welcome.

It would also be cheering to know that there is hope for the future, and a couple of Miss Manners’ acquaintance managed this in a charming way. Along with their regret at not being able to give their annual party this year, they sent an invitation for the party to take place in 2021.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I began carrying a handkerchief years ago, at your urging. During this pandemic, I have found it very useful for wiping my eyes, opening doors and generally protecting me from unsanitary surfaces, along with the more obvious historical uses (aside from dropping them on the ground to attract gentlemen).

The more I use them, the more I wonder: What is the proper way to carry them? I rarely have a long sleeve to tuck it into, so it’s in my purse; is that OK? Do you have an opinion on cotton vs. linen? After using it, should I fold it carefully and tuck it away, or is it acceptable to roll it into a ball? Does color matter? How about size?

GENTLE READER: These days, even gentlemen would probably not be inclined to pick up a stranger’s handkerchief for any reason.

But the other uses are valuable, provided you separate them, and don’t go from doorknob to eyes. And while you must crumple it after use, rather than refold it, you get to choose the size, color, material and where to stash it.

Miss Manners is dismayed that the handkerchief is in bad repute by those who fear it is not sanitized sufficiently, and that tissues are in bad repute by those who fear their damage to the environment.

Yet they both have their uses. Handkerchiefs are prettier.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)