DEAR MISS MANNERS: I became fast friends and drinking buddies with an (essentially) married couple and the wife’s business partner and close friend, a married man. They helped me through some hard times, although I don’t hang out with them much anymore.

The wife, Arlene, and the partner, Josh, were often together because of their work, and she considers him like a brother. I’ve been single for years, and Josh apparently developed a crush on me. I’ve never had similar feelings, in spite of enjoying his personality -- besides, he’s married. He also has serious weight issues, and I would consider both him and Arlene heavy drinkers.

But Arlene consistently mentioned how she thought Josh just needed a “good woman” to get him out of his marriage. She has flat-out told me numerous times she thinks he went on such-and-such diet hoping to date me.

I made it clear to her from Day 1 that I won’t engage with someone who is married -- happily or not -- and that I don’t have those feelings towards Josh.

Fast-forward to a long-overdue, socially distanced dinner with Arlene, where she mentioned that she really thinks Josh and I would be great together. I lost my patience and point-blank said, “I will never be romantically attracted to Josh.”

She looked like I’d just stolen her beloved cat. How can I dissuade these continuous comments, and what is the correct way to respond?

GENTLE READER: One way to respond is to understand that someone who -- for whatever strange reason -- has no respect for either your wishes or your principles is not your friend. Then if Arlene chooses to pout, you need not attempt to mollify her.

If, for whatever strange reasons of your own, you want to continue the relationship, Miss Manners suggests putting the matter before Josh. As he has apparently not made direct overtures to you, you are free to treat him as another victim of Arlene’s delusion.

“I suppose Arlene must mean well,” you can tell him, “but she is embarrassing us both by trying to promote an adulterous relationship between us. Under any circumstances, a romance between us will always be out of the question, although I hope we will remain friends. She doesn’t listen to me, so please tell her that you don’t want her pestering me on your supposed behalf.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We had been invited to a wedding this fall. Due to the pandemic, a small ceremony will still take place; however, the celebration will be postponed. (No date set as I write this.)

When is it appropriate to give a wedding gift? At the time of the ceremony, which we will not attend, or at the celebration?

GENTLE READER: Now. You were invited, presumably to be reinvited when possible, and the couple, whom Miss Manners assumes you want to please, is getting married. That is the reason for giving a wedding present -- not as admission to the wedding.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know in this current pandemic, there are pressing issues to discuss; however, I would appreciate your feedback on this board game question.

My sweet, loving wife and I have begun to play Scrabble together, but now we are in disagreement on fair play. Apparently, she has become quite good at Words With Friends, a smartphone app similar to Scrabble, which I frequently see her playing while I read or watch a movie.

Here is our conflict:

In Scrabble, my loving wife will play two-letter words in crossword style to generate several words for triple-word points, and when I challenge her on their meaning, she doesn’t know or can’t explain their context. She defers to the Scrabble dictionary online.

She is usually correct: For example, did you know TA is a saying of gratitude, and BA is a name for the eternal soul in Egyptian mythology?

She didn’t, either. But she got the bonus points, and I lost a turn by challenging.

Words With Friends has no requirement for knowing the meaning of words you play, but I think respectable Scrabble players should know the words they play. That way, they learn and build their vocabulary, too!

My wife (she probably now loves me a bit less) now refuses to play with me because I think it’s a reasonable request to know the meaning of words you use.

GENTLE READER: Are you certain there are issues more “pressing” than preserving your marriage during these difficult times? Like what?

Besides, your once-loving wife IS building her vocabulary because you keep challenging those words, thus requiring her to look them up. Not much comfort for you, Miss Manners dares say.

In the interest of marital peace, she suggests that you build your own vocabulary -- faster. Online, you can find a list of two-letter words. Learn them in order to use them yourself, and to know when to issue a challenge.

Or persuade your wife to play chess with you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I come from a very traditional family that hosts large gatherings and events regularly. They insist on having a guest book at these events. There is no room in these books for anything other than the attendees’ names.

I understand their usefulness for events that do not have invitations, but otherwise find them cumbersome and think they become clutter. When I get married, I would prefer not to have one. Am I committing an etiquette faux pas?

GENTLE READER: Such books are most useful at funerals, when the family is not in a position to keep track of who attended.

Otherwise, it is hosts, not guests, who love them. Miss Manners can only admire guests who are adroit at producing clever remarks or drawings on the spot, as she is not among them.

And your family is not even asking for that. Unless they are teenagers posting open invitations when their parents are out of town, they should already have the names and addresses -- and acceptances -- of their guests, so there seems little point in these books, except as souvenirs.

But etiquette takes no position on the question. Your relatives are not wrong to maintain such books, and you will not be wrong to omit one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to respond to someone who says, “You have too much time on your hands”?

A friend of mine is a kindhearted person and I love her dearly, but when I do something special for her or her kids, this is what she says. For example, I labeled the ice and water dispensers on my fridge for her, so she could get what she needed without putting her glasses on, and I’ve spent time on gifts because I thought her child would like them. This is how she responds.

It’s ironic, because she spends most of her time cleaning her house, whereas mine is clean but I still have time to enjoy doing things like this.

Is there a polite way to respond without being snarky? Because I get that way when my feelings are hurt.

GENTLE READER: When compliments are met with derision (“This old thing?”), the intention is not to insult the giver’s taste. Likewise, your friend must think that she is modestly deflecting your generosity.

However, Miss Manners agrees that it comes across less than gracious for deeds that are so thoughtfully meant. A stricken, “Oh! No, I don’t have much time. I just enjoy doing it and thought that you would like it. I can stop if you like” should sufficiently shame your friend into reminding her that generosity can always be terminated if it goes unappreciated.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last year, shortly before the holidays, I accepted a promotion to a different department in the government agency where I’ve worked for several years. This is my first supervisory position, and my predecessor set some precedents that I’m finding difficult to afford.

He bought lunch for each staff member on their birthday, and bought lunch for the entire staff plus the secretaries (a total of about 10 people) for the holidays.

Another supervisor, who also carries on these traditions, informed me of them. Not wanting to make a bad first impression or appear stingy, I went along with it last year. But the truth is, I’m still paying off student loans and my salary is far from exorbitant. Many of my staff make quite a bit more than I do, as they have been here longer.

I’m struggling with what to do this year. I would rather buy a small gift for my staff, but I don’t want them to feel that I appreciate them less than other supervisors or my predecessor. What is the appropriate amount for a low-level government supervisor to spend?

GENTLE READER: Does your compliance officer have nothing to say about this?

If not, she should. Miss Manners recommends that rather than get into a competition of gratitude with past employers, you express yours in personal and heartfelt wishes. And then get your agency to agree to allowing people to go home early on the eves of holidays, as that will likely be more appreciated than grocery store cake and subpar takeout food.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)