DEAR MISS MANNERS: Experts have recommended that during the coronavirus outbreak, we keep 6 feet of distance from others and refrain from shaking hands. I am all for that, as I have never been a big fan of shaking hands.

I am sure when the pandemic subsides, hand-shaking will bounce back. I work in a profession where I frequently meet people, and shaking hands is common.

Is there a polite way to avoid this? Why can’t a smile and simple “hello” work as a way of greeting?

GENTLE READER: They could, but we have developed so many other greeting gestures -- kisses, fist bumps, hand slaps -- that it will be a wonder if anyone remembers how to hold still and smile at the same time.

With any luck, people will be used to greeting without grabbing. But Miss Manners acknowledges that habits hang on, and dealing with an outstretched hand may be necessary, as refusing to shake it has always been considered an insult. People with severe arthritis or other good reasons to forgo the gesture have long had this problem.

Key is an apologetic expression: Bring the eyebrows together while making a pathetic little smile. You could also shrug, with your palms open (See? No weapons!) while saying “Sorry, I can’t shake” -- and then hurrying on to say how glad you are to see that person with no time to explain why. “I’m afraid you might make me sick” is not a charming statement.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s the proper way to eat asparagus?

GENTLE READER: It depends on how much fun you want to have.

There are three equally proper methods:

If you just want to get your greens, use a fork, cutting the spears with the side of the fork before conveying the pieces to your mouth.

Or you could invest in asparagus holders, if you can find them. That they often have an asparagus spear etched on the side does not prevent diners from staring with stupefaction at seeing them in their place settings.

Free, and even more fun, Miss Manners believes, is picking up the asparagus by hand and nibbling from the top. What makes this enjoyable is the horror on the faces of those who are unaware that this method is traditional. (Note: This is not a privilege extended to other vegetables, so don’t try it.)

A note of caution: Watch out for dripping sauces. The serene smile you exhibit when knowing that you are correct despite all disbelief does not sit well above a stained shirt front.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a niece who addresses all of her mail as Mr. and Mrs. Smith, rather than Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. This greatly upsets us, and her mother-in-law. We feel it does not show any respect for her elders.

Are we wrong to feel this way? Has the proper way to address an envelope changed?

GENTLE READER: Oh, please. She is using honorifics -- titles of respect, which are in rare use nowadays. So is writing letters at all, for that matter. Miss Manners begs you to explain this to those relatives before the young lady reasonably concludes that there is no use trying to please them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

GENTLE READERS: This summer’s damper on recreational travel gives us pause to muse about tourism itself.

There are those of us who, much as we cherish our hometowns, are yearning to be somewhere else -- revisiting another beloved place, or just roaming around. Then there are those who live at popular destinations, and have a love-hate relationship with tourists: love the money, hate the crowds.

And some are in both those categories: We can’t stand those awful people who come here, but we feel free to grace someplace else.

Miss Manners is not given to bashing tourists. Considering how she likes to travel, it would be unbecoming. When others brag of frequenting places “where none of the tourists go,” she has to resist saying, “Well, at least until you got there.”

But she does admit that touristic behavior could stand some improvement. And she says this in the interest of tourists themselves -- ourselves -- as well as those who are driven crazy by trying to go through their ordinary routines while having to dodge crowds of people blithely blocking them while taking photographs of themselves.

The selfie habit might be a good place to start. Yes, yes, you want to preserve the memory of being in that lovely place. But perhaps not at every step you take. You don’t look that different blocking every site on your list. And frankly, your friends are not truly thrilled to see all this posted.

What irritates the locals is not only having to walk around you on their way to work or school. It is knowing that it is not their treasured wonders that interest you; it is yourself, with those merely serving as background.

It takes only a little homework to counter that. Anyone who neglected the reading for a college course but managed, the night before the examination, to cram in enough material to pass ought to be able to pick up the rudiments of history and culture when traveling. Asking intelligent questions is as flattering as asking stupidly basic ones is annoying.

You can often strike up conversations that way, and talking to the local people is one of the joys of travel. Miss Manners knows of lifelong family friendships that began with an interesting question posed to a shopkeeper or even a passerby -- interesting enough to require retiring to a cafe for further discussion. (The shopkeeper put a Back Soon sign on his door rather than give up elucidating matters to the tourist.)

This is more likely to work with artisans than sellers of ordinary souvenirs. Anyway, you probably want to go home with something that your stay-at-home friends haven’t found cheaper online.

Of course, knowing the language is of inestimable help for foreign travel. But aside from Parisians who pretend not to understand Americans’ high school French, foreigners who understand English are generally appreciative of even rudimentary attempts at their native language. At a minimum, one should memorize the words for “Please,” “Thank you,” and “I’m so sorry, I don’t speak your language.”

Finally, Miss Manners believes in giving back in return for the pleasure a place has given you. For those just passing through, it could be a donation to an organization they have enjoyed, such as a museum; for frequent visitors, joining such a support group.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a conversation with friends that left me really upset, and I feel I need a second opinion as to whether or not I should be.

First of all, I am horrified at the injustices people of color have faced in this country. However, I am a white male and I spent a number of years in another country, where people are primarily of a different race. On numerous occasions there, I was shouted at with derogatory racial epithets, and one time was even hit lightly with a car while being shouted at. These instances were emotionally very hurtful.

I brought up these stories while discussing how evil racism is, and was told, “It is not possible for a white male to suffer racism.” Not only that, I was told that even though my friends know I am not racist, I should not repeat the stories, as I would be taken as a racist.

According to them, the definition of racism is “thinking you are better than someone because of your race.” They said it is unlikely that people in that foreign country said hurtful things to me because of racism, but rather out of resentment for white people’s history of cruelty and injustice towards others.

I feel racism is racism, and what really matters is how the victim feels. My partner is upset at me for my opinion. Should I be offended?

GENTLE READER: You are debating semantics. Miss Manners is quite certain that you are destined to lose this argument -- and alienate far more than your friends through its insistence.

Yes, there was a preconception made against you based on the color of your skin, but while admittedly horrid and unfair, it is different from the experience of most marginalized groups. As unpleasant as it was for you, it did not take away your rights, freedoms and basic equality.

The fact that it was likely a retaliatory bias, and not inherent, is key. Persisting in your argument and in taking offense will only make you look naive. Miss Manners suggests that you stop.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have long wondered when, if ever, it is acceptable to supplement -- or even substitute -- a verbal request with hand gestures to improve communication. For instance, I once had a bartender chide me for gesturing for the check across a noisy bar.

My question has renewed importance now that the wearing of masks is obscuring vocal projection, and moving closer to be heard is not advised.

GENTLE READER: It depends upon what the gesture is and how it is administered.

Impatience is still recognizable, even under a mask. Which leaves Miss Manners wondering if it was that with which the bartender was taking issue, and not the gesture itself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the most polite way to ask about the possibility of returning a gift? Signed, Four Sizes Too Small.

GENTLE READER: Most retailers will accept returns in the form of credit, often without a receipt. Miss Manners recommends that you try this first, in the hopes of exchanging it for the same item in the correct size. If this does not work, you may ask the giver for help by saying, “Although I am in love with the jersey, I am afraid that it is more of a crop top on me. Do you happen to have the receipt, or know how I could exchange it? I do so want to wear it, but also not violate any decency laws.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)