DEAR MISS MANNERS: I did a DNA test and found out that I am not biologically related to one of my parents, who passed on some years ago. This was subsequently confirmed by my other parent, to whom I am biologically related.

I will confess that this did cause my internal gyroscope to precess a bit, but I am pretty much reconciled to the situation now, and there is certainly nothing to be done about it.

However, one thing did and does bother me. In one of our conversations, my surviving parent referred to themselves with a horrible slur word. I informed them that I certainly didn’t think of them that way, and that I never wanted to hear them refer to themselves that way ever again. I then pointed out that if I ever heard tell of someone else calling them that, that person would get a swift slap upside the head -- since that kind of person is not really worth the effort of making a fist.

I am certain that Miss Manners would disapprove of the action (though not the reason). I would hope that the situation never arises, but if it did, could Miss Manners please suggest what would be the appropriate alternative?

GENTLE READER: To slapping someone in the face? Pretty much any of the other options. Interesting psychology there, too, that people who insult themselves are not then worthy of the effort of hitting someone else who does so.

Miss Manners is indeed aware of your good, if misguided intentions: to get people to stop calling themselves incendiary names. In place of physical harm, she suggests, “I’ll kindly ask you to refrain from insulting the person responsible for my existence, whom I happen to hold in the highest esteem, and to whom I am extremely grateful for any behavior which caused my birth.”

And then refrain from adding -- or asking about -- any further details.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 19-year-old daughter is wonderful in many ways. She is attending a university on academic scholarships and getting excellent grades. The problem is that she seemingly always dresses provocatively.

The most recent was a Sunday afternoon all-female baby shower, held outdoors at a park pavilion. She wore a very short, clingy dress in a pale pink color (looked nude).

I was embarrassed! I am not a prude, and I understand there are times when a young woman wants to look alluring. I have tried to talk to her about the difference between “classy sexy” and “trampy,” and that there is a time and place for everything. She only gets defensive. What, if anything, can I say or do?

GENTLE READER: It is a teenager’s destiny to spend that time dressed inappropriately.

However, Miss Manners encourages you not to succumb to the distasteful idea that one should dress modestly so as not to give others “the wrong idea.” That notion is insulting and outdated.

Instead, she suggests that you appeal to your daughter’s sense of professionalism. “You know, soon you will be applying for internships and jobs, and knowing how to dress for the job that you want can be so important. Contacts and connections can be formed anywhere, so you might be wise to start practicing now.”

But if your motherly warnings do not take, rest assured that the phase will not last long. And you will have lots of embarrassing photographs with which to taunt her in the future.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been the executive assistant of a prominent person for the past 10 years. I take care of matters both within the executive’s company and in his personal/family life, as is common at this level of my profession.

My question involves an error made by the executive’s wife. She had personal stationery printed for the use of the family many years ago. Unfortunately, the address on the stationery reads, “The Johnson’s” (name changed).

I cringe every time I see the misplaced apostrophe, and for 10 years I’ve been biting my tongue, not wanting to insult my boss’s wife. We have a friendly, warm relationship developed over a decade, and she has given me many compliments about my knowledge of grammar.

Have I waited too long, or should I speak up so she has a chance to reprint the stationery correctly? I don’t want her to be embarrassed when she sends correspondence to people who might notice the error, or have her mistake reflect poorly on my boss, or anyone in the family.

Should I send her a gift of reprinted stationery and not mention the error?

GENTLE READER: You are The Person Who Gets Things Done in this relationship, so Miss Manners advises you to take advantage of it.

Volunteer to arrange for the next printing of the stationery -- surely, after 10 years, it is time. Before you put in the order, send the wife a note explaining that you just realized that the apostrophe is in the wrong place and confirm that you, fortunately, caught it before it went to the printers. The implication that you initially missed the mistake will remove the sting. And you won’t have to pay for the printing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s aunt recently passed away. Her obituary stated that there would be a graveside service. We arrived at the cemetery, and five minutes before the service was to start, an announcement was made that it would be held inside the mausoleum.

Given the number of people and the close placement of chairs, we decided not to go in. Had we known the service was to be indoors, we would not have gone in the first place.

Even so, we fear we were rude to leave. On the other hand, we live in an area where COVID is spiking, and we were just not willing to take the chance.

GENTLE READER: Your concern for your own safety is understandable, but thinking more about others would have solved your problem.

You could have stood outside by the open door and, when invited inside, explained that you wanted to make sure there is room for anyone who would not feel more secure staying outside.

Miss Manners can anticipate your next objection: that you will not be able to see or hear the service while standing outside. When you play cards, are you in the habit of showing your hand to anyone who asks? Being able to act as if you can hear and see what is going on -- even when you cannot -- is a basic life skill.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have often been asked to attend parties that are actually commercial events to sell products -- say, plastic storage-ware, wine or other home goods. I consider these events a cheap way to exploit friends and acquaintances.

Now I am being texted directly to buy things from friends. These products do not interest me and are usually subpar quality. I have no use for them.

How do I politely decline such invitations from people I will actually face at some point?

GENTLE READER: “Thank you for thinking of me, but I have a lifetime supply!” is both polite and sufficient.

Do not embellish, as that is where the trouble begins. “I have a three-month supply” is an invitation to call in four months. “I use Brand X” is an invitation to expand the offerings. And if you volunteer that people you know might be a better fit, you have only yourself to blame.

Miss Manners feels no remorse at not being a willing victim, as she agrees with you that leveraging friendships to boost sales is not a gentle activity.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: These days, tipping seems so expected for airport shuttle services, ride-sharing, grocery delivery services, etc., that one commits to a tip even before receiving the service.

We were especially shocked to learn that the grocery delivery person could reject or accept our order based on the commitment to the tip that we lay out in advance. This seems counterintuitive, since a tip is given to reward a job that has been performed exceptionally, not to ensure that a job will be performed perfunctorily. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: People should be fairly paid for their work, Miss Manners believes. For this reason, she has always disapproved of tipping, which strikes her as an undignified way to facilitate employers’ paying subpar wages.

As a secondary objection, Miss Manners notes that gratitude, compensation and performance reviews are -- or should be -- separate activities. She agrees that the practice you describe deserves a more accurate description, but has no other objection to it. Perhaps we could call it “agreeing on the price in advance of the sale.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law, who is otherwise a lovely person, has a bad habit of borrowing things and not returning them. I’m speaking mostly of kitchen/dining items like serving platters, baking pans, decorative trays, etc.

She will borrow items for a specific use, then months later, I will see her bring them out and use them like they are hers. I didn’t say anything at first, since I didn’t want to embarrass her, but it’s a habit now.

How do I tactfully prevent this in the future? And is there any way I can, at this late date, get my old things back?

GENTLE READER: You are right not to embarrass your sister-in-law, but that does not mean it’s too late to ask for the missing items back -- just wait until after dinner.

Miss Manners imagines a private aside in which you express the hope that she enjoyed the loan of the platter, and you’re happy to take it home now with just a simple rinse and drying.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)