DEAR MISS MANNERS: Six of us couples take turns entertaining and dining at all but one of our homes. One couple seldom entertains, as the husband is a clean freak who does not want his home dirtied. Additionally, he has stated that it is the inviting couple’s responsibility to prepare a vegetarian dish for him.

We are obligated to invite this pair because of the relationship they have with one of the other couples. Your thoughts/response for these non-reciprocating guests would be appreciated.

GENTLE READER: Your individual is a porcupine of rudeness, or the vegetable equivalent, who sticks you no matter what your angle of approach.

As host, you do want to know he is vegetarian so you can prepare a meal from which he does not go home hungry. But how you solve that problem is up to you.

His refusal to reciprocate violates a basic tenet of hospitality. And his justification -- that he does not want his house sullied -- implies that you are dirty (without the humor of Groucho Marx’s injunction, “Go, and never darken my towels again”).

If he and his spouse cannot be separated from the other couple, then perhaps the other couple can be confided in and asked for a solution. Could the offending pair not host a different type of event, perhaps post-pandemic, away from their home?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been using a small family company to clean my home for the last year or so. It is owned by a lovely couple, but they often bring a third cleaner, who may vary each visit.

Today I was organizing my jewelry box, and found that five pairs of earrings are missing. All are very special to me: gifts for graduations, milestone birthdays and my first holiday with my husband. They were stored in small boxes, and now the boxes are all empty.

I don’t know when they went missing, as these are special things I only wear from time to time. But I would never empty all the boxes at once and misplace five pairs.

I don’t have proof, and don’t want to accuse anyone unfairly. But I am devastated and don’t know what to do. Should I talk to the company owners, and what should I say?

GENTLE READER: Asking for help is far easier -- and will be more effective -- than making accusations. Tell the owners that you are horrified, but you believe you have been robbed and ask if they, or their employees, noticed anything suspicious.

There is no need to finger one of their employees as your primary suspect; they will be wondering the same thing. But by naming the crime, you make clear that you are not just asking if they have seen something you yourself misplaced.

Miss Manners warns you against undue optimism. Your conversation is unlikely to end either with the couple telling you that they found everything next to the dog’s sleeping area and hadn’t gotten around to telling you yet, or that they fired an employee they caught with another customer’s television in her back seat and will be bringing your earrings over tomorrow.

It may end with them saying that they had another customer report items missing, which will provide you with information you can, if the issue cannot be solved more gently, take to the police.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Once, when I was invited to a dinner party, all of us thanked the host/cook after we were seated and started eating. The food wasn’t great, but the other guests started complimenting the host on a delicious meal. I didn’t say anything, because I felt it would be dishonest.

Recently, I found myself in a similar situation: My partner prepared dinner, and I thanked him before we started eating. After dinner, he complained that I don’t compliment his cooking the same way he does mine.

I told the story about the dinner party, and he felt offended. What should I have done in both cases? I chose to keep quiet rather than being dishonest.

GENTLE READER: Well, you are not likely to have the problem again, as that is probably the last dinner your partner is going to cook for you.

It is an odd sense of morality that prohibits encouraging people who have tried to be nice to you. And there are many ways to do so.

Of course, the unfortunate cook should not have asked. But as he did, couldn’t you have come up with something better than a comparison with another bad cook? There are things you can say without using the mendacious word “delicious”: “You’re right; I shouldn’t take you for granted. I do think you are wonderful,” for example, or, “Oh, but this has been a wonderful evening.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an outraged message from my sister because I did not send the large check that was expected for my niece’s wedding shower.

I was specifically excluded from the event because I live in Florida, and the hostess stated that she did not want anyone who lived in Florida in attendance due to the large numbers of COVID-19 cases in the state.

However, they did invite 50 people from all over the U.S. to attend in person, while I was only extended an invitation to “attend” via livestreaming -- I could remotely watch the event, from the arrival of all the guests through the meal and drink service and opening of the gifts.

Maybe I’m behind the times, but in my day, inviting those who were specifically excluded from a party to watch it from afar equated to treating someone like they were not worthy of the honor of being present.

I understand that there is a pandemic going on and that it has changed the way social events are done. If you want to livestream a wedding, baptism, graduation or other event that is typically only observed by attendees, fine. But if the celebratory party afterward is limited to a small number of people, keep it private and perhaps share a few photos afterward. And keep your expectations for gifts limited to those given by people granted the honor of being asked to attend in person.

GENTLE READER: Wait -- all that about prudent and imprudent choices in regard to the pandemic is irrelevant. The etiquette crimes here are: 1. Expecting donations, and 2. Chastising a presumed donor who did not come through. Miss Manners suggests that you confine your indignation to those.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why is it more polite to evade, deflect or dance around annoying or unwanted behavior?

I can’t stop doing something if I don’t know it is bothering someone, and I frequently wish people would just be clear on what they want, or don’t want, when dealing with me. I can then decide to either amend my behavior or disengage, depending on the circumstances.

Does the average person really feel more comfortable being “handled” than simply being told they have an irritating habit? Why is waiting and hoping that someone picks up unspoken cues that you dislike them/their dog/their politics/whatever non-arrestable offense somehow the more polite option? Why not make your stance clear, and then see if they correct it or opt to just leave you alone after the truth is made known?

GENTLE READER: How do you expect people to react when you say you dislike them? And just why would they then want to correct themselves, as you put it, in the hope of pleasing you?

Do you appreciate being graded by someone with no authority over you, and would you strive to please such a person?

Miss Manners finds the approach you favor particularly offensive because there are face-saving ways to make these points -- pleading busyness to keep from fraternizing with someone you dislike, claiming not to do well with dogs to avoid them, and agreeing not to discuss politics if you cannot do so civilly.

These techniques are exactly what you contemptuously call “handling.”

There are people to whom you can safely say, “Now cut that out; you’re driving me crazy” -- namely, your own minor children. And there are some who will stop when you say, “That bothers me” —- but they are people who know that you are extremely fond of them, if not of their dogs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are in a couples book group, which has been meeting virtually since the start of COVID-19. Because my sister lives in a remote area, I thought it would be nice to invite her to a one-time session for a particular book discussion, with the permission of the group.

Once the discussion began, she commented that two of the men seemed to be monopolizing the conversation. She was a guest, and the manner in which the comment was delivered stunned me.

Meanwhile, the group decided to spend another session discussing that same book because there was so much left unsaid. My sister is assuming she will be joining again.

I do not feel comfortable with her returning, since I feel she is unpredictable at this point. I am trying to find a way to express this to her in a way that maintains our relationship.

No one in the group said anything to me about her behavior, and for that I was grateful. But how can I tell her it’s best if she does not join again?

GENTLE READER: Some clubs have the rule that a member can only bring a particular guest once, unless that person is a candidate to become a member. If yours does not have such a rule, Miss Manners suggests your proposing one that you can then report to your sister.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)