DEAR MISS MANNERS: Back in the olden days, when I was in a home economics class, I was told that when setting a table, the knife and spoon were placed on the left side of the plate and the forks were placed on the right.

The explanation for this was that in the semi-civilized medieval times, the knife was placed on the left because most people are right-handed, and this made it more difficult for the diner to stab someone with his or her knife.

Somewhere along the line, the placement has changed to where the knife and spoon are now on the right side of the plate and the forks are on the left.

Am I just misremembering my home ec teaching, or have things just evolved -- because we are obviously much more civilized in our modern times (typed with tongue in cheek)?

GENTLE READER: Much as she hates to spoil such a delightfully vivid picture of a volatile medieval dinner, Miss Manners is obliged to tell you that there were no place settings in that period. None.

Diners brought to the table their own knives (likely the same knives that they used for hunting), their own spoons and, more notably, their fingers. The only Europeans who used forks were Italians, which English tourists thought hilariously pretentious. Instead of plates, there were bread trenchers, which would soak up the juices and be then thrown to the dogs. Or the starving peasants.

But you are quite right to question our ability to look down on these people for being less civilized than we are. Dinners, when given by those who could afford them, were highly ceremonial.

Precedence was strictly observed. We have the expression about being placed "below the salt" because the salt cellar, often silver and beautifully shaped, marked the difference between the more and less distinguished guests. There were elaborate hand-washing rituals and meat-carving traditions at the table, as well.

And we have the word of Erasmus, a great etiquette authority (among his other talents), that polite medieval people would rest their knives to the right of their trenchers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have always gone out to dinner a few times a week. If there was a wait, we put our name in and waited near the entrance together.

Since COVID began, you have to wait in your car. My husband pulls up to the door and expects me to get out, put in our name and come back to the car to wait with him. Am I being old-fashioned in thinking he should put our name in?

GENTLE READER: Why? Because you are a lady and should be spared making an effort?

Gender is not always the key distinction, Miss Manners must inform you, and it is not in this case. Rather, it is who is driving -- and since it is your husband who pulled up to the door, he should not have to leave the car, blocking others, as he approaches the restaurant.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My girlfriend has done a lot for my family and me, but my family shows little enthusiasm for her. How can I get them to appreciate her more and to reciprocate what she has done? I live in fear of them attacking her or being cynical about romance itself.

She has helped me get a job, gotten me a raise, written letters to my family, gotten me a huge discount on rent, given my family free food, etc.

GENTLE READER: Your girlfriend seems to have an inordinate amount of influence over your career and financial status. Miss Manners is further struggling to see how many of these attributes could be reciprocated by your family, or how you made the leap to the possibility of them attacking her.

Is it possible that your family is (perhaps unfairly) reacting negatively based on past patterns, relationships or behavior? A solution might be this: "Kelsey is really trying to get to know you, and she is important to me. Please treat her kindly. I would like her to be around for a while."

The subtle implication -- that the family might be responsible for the fact that previous partners are no longer in the picture -- will likely not be lost on them. Perhaps it will shame them into more gracious behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About a year ago, we received a "save the date" from a couple identified only as "Max and Jenny," with their photo and the date of their planned wedding. Neither my wife nor I recognized the names or the photograph.

We put the date on our calendar, expecting to hear more later. Now we have received another notification, postponing the date for another year, presumably because of COVID. This card also had only their first names and photos, and we still did not recognize them.

It did have a return address, which we did not recognize, either. Should we contact the couple via mail to ask who they are? We are wondering for whom we should be saving this date.

GENTLE READER: No doubt these are the children of work acquaintances, or of high school friends. Miss Manners can only suggest that you look up the address for more clues (or at least a last name), decline the invitation or resign yourselves to blindly attending a mystery event.

Wedding couples should take the note: If you are going to expand your guest list to people with whom you are not in regular contact, at least provide some helpful and telling leads.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am cursed with terrible handwriting. Sometimes even I can't read what I have written. When I try to write legibly, my writing looks like that of a 5-year-old.

Which brings me to thank-you notes. If I hand-write them, they are illegible or ridiculous-looking. Is it acceptable to write my thank-you notes on the computer? It makes more sense, but feels wrong, though I don't really know why. Well, I sort of do: because it seems impersonal. But is that reason enough to have to send bad handwritten notes?

GENTLE READER: Or, as Miss Manners helpfully suggests, you could simply take efforts to make your handwriting less bad. You do not get an etiquette pass for an issue that is, at least partially, in your control.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been studying with a teacher, a married man, to learn about intuition and other skills for a few years. My late husband and I took an extended course from this man, and we are now working together on an online training program. He and I are close, but not romantically.

The problem is that things have been uncomfortable for several months now. He once gave me a goodbye kiss on the neck, which startled me; all I could say was how much I love him and his wife AS A COUPLE.

I assist with his online teaching and reviews, and he has been putting me on the spot in uncomfortable ways. I finally called him on it, and he told me he had been "pushing my buttons" on purpose and "testing me."

I was horrified, and his comments set off a cascade of memories seen in a new and ugly light. I recalled that he had acted similarly in a class with my husband present, too.

Maybe that shocking kiss was a "test." Maybe any little thing he's ever said was a manipulation. He speaks of simplicity, truth and love; he puts out duplicity, falsehood and manipulation. I no longer trust him.

I want to keep the friendship, even so. How can I unwind all this? I feel that I need to somehow reconcile the new information with my memories. Please help me find a polite and clear strategy.

GENTLE READER: If this person taught you intuition, then you should certainly be equipped to properly invoke yours.

Miss Manners' own intuition is screaming alarms that he is either terrible at what he does or -- much more likely -- using his so-called teachings as an excuse for bad behavior.

Why you should want to maintain a friendship with someone proven to be duplicitous, false and manipulative --not to mention a sexual harasser -- she cannot imagine. If you feel you need to maintain the professional association, at least remember that you are no longer his student; this is a business relationship now, and as such, you should not be subjected to childish and manipulative tactics.

"If we are to continue to work together, then we must be able to trust each other," you might say. "I do not wish to be put through any wayward maneuvering, and I am certainly not interested in a romantic relationship with you."

What you are interested in -- and why -- confounds Miss Manners, but she will keep those churlish thoughts to herself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently lost one of my brothers to complications from COVID. His son was the contact person during this awful time, and has stayed in touch.

My other brother has two adult children who have not reached out to express their condolences. I am not sure how to express my dismay at their lack of compassion. What would you suggest?

GENTLE READER: "How are Corey and Dash holding up? Please tell them that I would be grateful to hear from them during this terribly tragic time."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)