DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it wrong to accept an invitation to someone's house for a casual dinner if you don't plan on reciprocating?

They are nice people and I would feel bad not accepting their invitation. However, I don't entertain very often, and there are many people I would prioritize over them when I do plan to host a dinner.

GENTLE READER: Well, be sure to let them know where they stand when you reply.

Acceptance of one invitation does not strictly require reciprocation. But plenty of guests accept invitations repeatedly with no intention of responding in kind, or justify it with flimsy excuses of culinary ineptitude or lack of adequate space.

At least the thought of reciprocity crossed your mind. This does not give you an entirely free pass, however. Miss Manners suggests that if you like the couple well enough to spend an evening with them, you may go ahead and accept. Perhaps you will be surprised by how much you enjoy it and feel compelled to reciprocate. Or at least have the grace to express the intention.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, several of my friends and relatives have been afflicted with, and died from, various types of cancer. Each of them fought bravely, but inevitably succumbed to their disease.

I'm cynical from my experiences, perhaps, but I see a cancer diagnosis as a death sentence. Yes, I know about the exceptions, but in my experience, these exceptions are rare.

How do I convey the hope these people deserve, yet remain true to myself by not offering ridiculous consolations? The typical "thinking of you/sending positive thoughts/healing light/you're in my prayers" drivel is, in my mind, useless. What should I say?

GENTLE READER: Few who are truly sick expect more than your sympathy. And Miss Manners agrees that "thoughts and prayers" have become cliche.

All that is required is "I am so sorry," perhaps adding an offer to be of service for meals, errands or rides to the hospital. Unless you are a doctor -- their doctor -- you are not expected to make false predictions that it will get better. Just please do your level best not to say anything that will make them feel worse.

And that should start by eliminating the automatic assumption that cancer -- which is a variety of conditions that affect people in different ways -- is fatal.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While waiting in line at a restaurant, my stomach began to growl. The person next to me commented, "Someone must be hungry!" causing others to giggle and leaving me slightly embarrassed.

Growing up, I was taught that it was permissible to greet a person's sneezes with "bless you" or "gesundheit," but that bodily sounds from below the neck should go unheard and without comment. Have things changed?

GENTLE READER: It is difficult not to react to abrupt noises -- and ignoring them is not always possible. But you were taught well, and Miss Manners commends your self-restraint in not shaming others.

No doubt, this helpful stranger was trying to reduce your embarrassment, rather than exacerbate it. That said, your obvious mortification should have served to prove that instinct wrong.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

MISS MANNERS: I have a boss who will barge in while I am on a work call and start talking about something else. I can be midsentence, phone on ear, and he will still continue to talk to me.

How do I handle this? Who is more important in this instance: my boss or the person on the phone? Again, these are always work calls that are interrupted.

GENTLE READER: Your boss will have to answer this.

Miss Manners suggests saying to him, "Sometimes when you come into my office, I am on the phone with a client. You'll have to let me know, in each case, which is more important: addressing your concerns immediately? Or potentially losing business?"

MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who, each time I bring to their attention that they have upset or offended me, responds by rolling their eyes and saying that I am impossible.

Typically, I will state, "I feel that I am the only one in our friendship making an effort to hang out" or "I feel that I wasn't supported, even after you offered to support me." This is always met with redirection back to me -- that I am hot-and-cold and a laundry list of other things.

What advice do you have for dealing with friends/family/people who simply cannot receive constructive criticism?

GENTLE READER: How often are you giving it to them?

It is not that Miss Manners doubts you, but she does often hear from people who are being constantly nitpicked.

However. Presuming that you are justified and your friend is thoughtlessly ignoring you, you may politely declare the friendship to be on hold.

For lack of sufficient reciprocity, you may say, "You seemed so busy of late that I didn't want to bother you." This also applies for lack of support, when they wonder why you no longer seek their counsel.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I finally, hesitantly, ventured out for a medical appointment. I was kept waiting a long time, and no one else was there, so I asked the receptionist if I had my appointment time correct.

The medical assistant showed up just as I was asking, and I got attitude all the way to the exam room, including a big show of her angrily changing the paper on the table.

It turned out the doctor had lost track of time and was sitting in his office chatting! I told him I had gotten attitude from the nurse. He apologized.

What could I have said to her in the moment? Incidentally, we were not of the same race, and had we been, I'd have had an easier time speaking up for myself. I am 62 years old, and it was hard enough to go to the doctor during a pandemic without this unprofessional attitude.

GENTLE READER: "I seem to have offended you. I certainly don't want to do so, or waste anyone's time. Please let me know how I can make these appointments more efficient for us all."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My older sister is a mean, opinionated, bossy person. To keep the peace, as children and into adulthood, I deflected or ignored her cruel actions or remarks.

The breaking point came when my 8-year-old daughter and I were invited by her and her husband to stay with them (as a rent-paying "guest") during my divorce. I was hoping that we could develop a loving family bond, and that it would be good for my daughter to have the support of family.

I was wrong. My sister and her husband looked for every opportunity to correct and lecture my daughter and myself. Towards the end of our stay, my daughter hid in our shared bedroom to avoid facing them.

I am mad at myself for being so naive and exposing my daughter to their cruelty during a time of hardship. Now, I limit my interaction with my sister and keep conversations superficial.

I know your advice is to not correct others' bad behavior. But I want to let her have it and tell her what a horrible person she has been to me, and to my daughter. She deserves it, as she is clueless. How can someone change their behavior if no one tells them it is wrong?

GENTLE READER: They cannot, but Miss Manners never banned correcting other people's behavior in all situations and all relationships. Parents correct children. Teachers correct students. Spouses and other intimates ... express their concerns -- at the right time and in a polite manner.

What she seeks to ban is self-appointed, and often uninformed, "manners police" causing a ruckus.

What, then, to say to your sister? You may take offense at specific infractions -- asking, for example, that your sister not take that tone with you (when she does). You may, privately, have a discussion about mutual respect. Or, if it has reached that point, you may break off relations.

At no point may you tell her that she is mean, opinionated and bossy, not only because it is rude (even if true), but because it will not persuade her to change her behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When writing to someone to inform them that a charitable donation has been made in their honor, is it proper to mention the amount of the donation? This is a contribution made by a family group to celebrate a retirement.

GENTLE READER: As she feels that donating in another person's name, worthy though the donation itself may be, is not a proper present, Miss Manners is reluctant to endorse it.

She does, however, appreciate good intentions, and she will therefore say that, contrary to all evidence, it is the thought -- not the amount -- that matters. In your letter, you may characterize your gift donation as "meaningful" or "greatly appreciated," but must resist calling it "generous" or "a sack of loot."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)