DEAR MISS MANNERS: Where should I park my shopping cart while choosing items and/or reading labels for contents?

I leave my cart in the middle of the aisle, thereby allowing other shoppers to look at the same items, and I step out of the way to allow passersby through.

I believe other shoppers feel hurried when I wait for them to finish shopping a section with their cart, as we cannot both do so at once. I know that I feel hurried being in that same position.

My husband maintains that leaving the cart in the middle of the aisle is rude, and that I should stay with my cart.

GENTLE READER: Without venturing to guess who does most of the family shopping -- or who can reach items on the top shelf without assistance -- Miss Manners will simply agree with you that being with the cart every second is not possible.

She agrees with your husband, however, that leaving it in the middle of the aisle gives an appearance of thoughtless abandon. If you will promise to park it to one side -- and not anywhere for long -- Miss Manners will agree to remind other customers that it is not a major inconvenience if they have to ask you to move forward so that they can get to the canned peas.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How would you suggest I respond to someone who makes snarky comments in the guise of compliments?

For example, she comes into my new home and, after complimenting a lamp, adds, "Your house looks just like it's been staged." (When we were selling our previous home, she and I both made fun of how phony staging looks.) Or, an aside to her husband, "Look -- she even has a special fall tablecloth." Clothes? "Cute outfit -- it looks just like what I wore in high school." Food? "Yum -- but I've never heard of cookies being made out of pastry dough."

These comments might sound innocuous, but I know her taste and opinions well enough to know they are thinly veiled digs. She is my husband's long-ago ex-girlfriend, or I would ghost her. I've told him I would prefer he spend time with her on his own, but that isn't always possible.

I don't want to give her the satisfaction of being snarky back, so I give a nod and faint smile and don't respond verbally. It does irk me, though.

Can you think of a response that would let her know I got her intended message without being rude back?

GENTLE READER: The response you are trying to convey has three components, each of which Miss Manners assigns to a different body part. Your smile -- bright, open, effusive -- should convey that you understand the ex-girlfriend's comment to be intended as humor. Your eyes -- flat, expressionless -- will demonstrate that the joke wasn't funny.

Finally, your brain, which is directing this complex response, should remember that, whatever happens now, you already won the bigger cause of contention: your husband.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was told to "to take a course in communication" in reference to the way I have conversations. An acquaintance loudly informed me that when they initiate a conversation about their day, it is my job to only listen and agree.

But what if I do not agree? Am I just to sit there and pretend? I'm not quite sure how to handle this. I know that one shouldn't give advice when it is not asked for, but am I not supposed to speak unless prompted?

Please fill me in on the proper way to respond (or not respond). It seems I am in dying need of Communication 101.

GENTLE READER: Your loud acquaintance was giving advice that was not requested, which, as you point out, is rude. Therefore, Miss Manners -- whom you did ask -- advises you to dismiss their claim to knowing proper behavior.

The notion that you should always show agreement with others is based on an inability to conceive that it is possible to disagree politely. Indeed, that does seem to be a lost art.

Conversation is not an opportunity to critique the speaker, and it does require listening respectfully to opinions with which you may disagree. Yet if that were all you did, perhaps throwing in an occasional "uh-huh," it wouldn't be a conversation; it would be a lecture. Both parties should contribute, and sometimes that will take the form of offering another point of view.

Never mind about taking a course. Just memorize a few lines:

"Really? Why do you think that?"

"My experience has been different."

"Have you considered that ...?"

"Well, but look at it this way ..."

And so on. Just avoid any version of, "What are you -- stupid?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I use correspondence cards, usually for writing short notes of gratitude ("Thank you for a lovely dinner" or "You really helped me with your advice," and so on). The cards have my first and last name engraved at the top.

Sometimes I receive cards like this from others, and the writer has crossed out his or her surname. Why? Is there an etiquette rule (or history) about this? Am I wrong for NOT doing this on my correspondence cards, or on any engraved correspondence?

GENTLE READER: Yes and no. How is that for a decisive answer?

Miss Manners resorts to this because there are two ways to use such cards.

You can use them for invitations ("Cocktails 5 to 7, Saturday, Oct. 23"), for responses ("Accepting with pleasure") or for very short messages ("Congratulations!"), letting the engraved name provide your identity. But you need to sign mini letters or messages to intimates ("With all my love"), in which case you cross out the less personal rendition of your name.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Where should the girlfriend of the father of the bride sit during the wedding ceremony? They have been together for over two years. The bride's parents divorced 20 years ago, and the mother of the bride is single.

Is it appropriate to split up the father and his girlfriend and have the bride's parents sit together in the first row during the ceremony, with the girlfriend in a different row?

GENTLE READER: You're the girlfriend, aren't you? Unless you are the father, speaking up on her behalf.

Having no such prescribed seating arrangement, Miss Manners expects families to figure out sensible ones that insult no one and do not place enemies together.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have never been invited to a "book party" like the ones covered in the newspapers for famous authors, given by their equally famous friends.

Nevertheless, an acquaintance has just had her first novel published, and I rather rashly offered to throw her a book party. This partly has to do with the fact that I recently moved into a space where I could host such a thing, and the fact that the flowers on the patio are now in full bloom.

The new author has a publicist, but I am on my own here. What constitutes a successful book party? Besides food and drink, that is. Is there a list of protocols that I would be marked as a real ignoramus for ignoring? Or is this simply a party to celebrate a particular person's achievement?

GENTLE READER: In flusher times, when publishers would give book parties for their already-successful authors, guests were chosen for their likelihood of boosting sales. When money became tighter, these parties were occasionally replaced by parties given by and for the author's friends.

As you note, such parties might also lead to helpful publicity if there are guests who produce or attract it. Or you might know people whom publicists call Big Mouths, meaning those who love to share their enthusiasms.

But the parties can also just be pleasant ways to congratulate and celebrate the author. Drink, food and a pretty setting are a good start. But the question is -- what about the book?

You must ask the author to say a few words about it, but to resist the temptation to read from it. And you must also set a limit on the amount of time that guests will be required to stand around finishing their drinks without being able to replenish them.

You should supply copies of the book. Ideally, you give them away, hoping that the guests will become so enthralled as to run out and buy copies for everyone on their Christmas lists. Of course, free books would cost you, unless you can persuade the publisher that it would be worthwhile.

It is therefore common to have on hand the representative of a bookstore, or at least a sign-up sheet for buying copies. The guests will feel obliged to do so, especially if you set up a little table with pens for your author to autograph copies -- and to see who is quietly departing bookless.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I dance Argentine tango and other social dances. Usually at the end of a dance, my partner and I say "thank you" to each other; this is standard. But once in a while, I say "thank you," and my partner responds with "you're welcome." What should I say?

GENTLE READER: Traditionally, the gentleman thanks the lady, and it would be gracious of her to say that she enjoyed the dance. But Miss Manners notes that either comment concludes the exchange, unless you want to ask for the pleasure of the next dance.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)