DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago (pre-COVID), my son had a destination wedding in the U.S. Virgin Islands. He and his fiancee invited their parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and about a dozen of their closest friends. We provided dinner and drinks for all guests after the rehearsal, and the bride's parents provided dinner and drinks for the wedding reception.

I was truly irked when I learned that the guests did not cough up some wedding presents when everyone arrived home. They said they didn't need to give presents because they had blessed the couple with their presence (my words).

Geez Louise, they were treated to two nights of dinners and unlimited drinks! I know I shouldn't let it get to me, especially after all these years, but it may be helpful to other out-of-country wedding guests to know the proper etiquette when attending weddings.

GENTLE READER: That is true. However, Miss Manners will have to insist that you not be the one who states it.

Because what you fail to appreciate in your somewhat oblivious rant is that by attending an out-of-country wedding, your guests have already coughed up at least a couple of grand -- on airfare, hotel, additional meals and the oxymoronic "beach formalwear" that the invitation undoubtedly demanded. Not to mention the sacrifice of personal vacation time.

Surely this is worth a few dinners -- as much or more so than an overpriced set of bath towels. So the proper etiquette here is that, geez Louise, the guests do not need to agree to all of this. And even if they do, presents are optional -- although Miss Manners will concede that it is impolite to state that so explicitly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A woman who recently joined my church is quite intrusive, and tramples all over personal boundaries. I'm at a loss as to how to tell her that her questions are none of her business without being rude myself.

For example: She and I are in the choir together. One Sunday, a friend (another choir member) and I were having a quiet, private conversation in a corner of the choir loft away from everyone else. We were discussing a health concern I have. I told my friend that my doctor was changing my medications.

Just then, the new woman came up and overheard my last sentence. She then asked me why I take medication.

I'm afraid I froze because I didn't know how to answer. I'm not comfortable with her knowing this information, but also didn't want to say something that could come across as rude. When I didn't answer, she started badgering me by asking if I have a heart condition, liver problems, etc. Luckily for me, the service was about to start, so the conversation ended.

How do I shut down this type of questioning without being impolite?

GENTLE READER: "Oh my goodness, how rude of us. Evelyn and I should not be having our private conversations here in church. I'm so sorry." And then Miss Manners suggests that you limit future conversations to completely secluded areas.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We often host friends and family for overnight visits. Before departing, some of our guests take it upon themselves to strip their beds and take their linens to the laundry room; some even start the washing machine. Of course we have never even hinted that this is expected, as it most certainly is not.

For me, it's also absolutely unwanted. I find it insulting that they act as if we're the kind of hosts that would expect them to do this. My wife disagrees and says they're only trying to be helpful, but I wonder if they don't trust us to wash the sheets between guests.

I was always taught that while it's important to be a gracious host, it's also important to be a gracious guest.

GENTLE READER: How about teaching you not to presume unkind motives where none are intended? Your guests are merely trying to lessen your burden and pitch in -- not to criticize your home care and hygiene.

Miss Manners will concede, however, that starting the washing machine without asking is an overstep. Proper overnight protocol is to strip the bed, put the bed cover back on it and put the folded sheets on top of the cover at the bottom of the bed. The trick is to fold them just nicely enough to look tidy, but not so neat that the host will mistake the set for clean ones -- and then unwittingly remake the bed with dirty sheets.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to the wedding of a friend of my son's from high school. This was not just a casual friend, but one who spent a lot of time in my home. I would even make him special dinners if he requested them.

I thought of him as my "Bonus Son." I also became friends with his mother, who had no problem with me treating him like another son.

I won't pry, as these boys are now adults, but apparently, there was some kind of falling-out between him and my son. The groom refuses to tell me what happened, but he has disinvited me from the wedding.

Is it wrong for me to not send a wedding gift? I also know the bride, as they all graduated together in our small town.

I am very hurt and I am not sure where I stand, though no one has insinuated that I have done anything wrong. I canceled my leave request from work for the wedding. My heart is broken!

GENTLE READER: Did you think to ask your son what the rift was about? Because while Miss Manners generally agrees that parents should stay out of their adult children's affairs, it seems odd that you would not at least consider defending him.

All things being equal, the bridegroom -- who had his own relationship with you -- should not have excluded you when his anger was with your son. But depending upon the nature of the quarrel, you may well consider standing in solidarity with your real son, rather than with your bonus one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a cubicle in a fairly small, open-space office. One of the other sections of the office contains a group of kids in their 20s. They are constantly talking and laughing throughout the day.

I don't mind that they talk, but the problem is that they are loud. Very loud. Way, way too loud! Even though I sit all the way across the room, I can hear their conversations perfectly. They seem to share every aspect of their lives and feel the need to vocalize every little thought that comes into their heads.

It has gotten to the point where I am having a hard time focusing on the tasks at my desk. I am not allowed to wear noise-canceling headphones because it could prevent me from answering an important telephone call.

A couple weeks ago, I sent an anonymous letter to the director of human resources listing my concerns, but nothing has changed. If anything, it's become worse. I have hesitated to speak with my supervisor because she is friends with the supervisor of the loud sector.

I don't want to be considered a "buzzkill" or get a reputation for being a complainer. However, the noise is affecting my production, and I don't think that's right.

GENTLE READER: This is a business, not a college dormitory, and the noisy employees are not the popular kids.

Miss Manners says this for you to keep in mind -- not because she is confident it is apparent to the human resources director, your boss, their boss or them.

You should speak to your supervisor, the human resources director or both. But you need to do so in a language they will understand. You must speak about avoiding reduced productivity (not your failure to focus) by finding reasonable accommodations for your preferred work environment, as it differs from that preferred by your co-workers (not the "kids in their 20s" who keep "talking and laughing").

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our church recently held a picnic for those who volunteer their time and talent. A committee of six people puts the picnic on each year and makes the food.

The rub is that one of the six refuses to eat anyone else's food! She and her spouse fill their plate with only their food and, when they go back for seconds, it's the same thing.

The rest of our small group noticed and, frankly, we feel offended. We know it isn't because of special dietary needs. We said nothing to them and will continue to seethe silently -- or should we?

GENTLE READER: It was Miss Manners' impression that many churches concern themselves with harder problems -- such as how to treat with charity and compassion those who have done us actual harm. But even humble etiquette sees no profit in seeking to punish someone who did nothing at all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand that "Stop by and see us anytime" is not a real invitation and should not be acted upon. But if they include their street address, does that change the calculus?

GENTLE READER: It makes it more likely that they would be pleased to see you, which is a reason to go -- not a reason to do so without advance warning.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)