DEAR MISS MANNERS: Regardless of anyone's feelings on the matter, the popularity of giving children unique or unusual names is continuing. So what is a reasonable person to do when the name as written is pronounced differently than phonetics would allow?

For example, I recently came across a "Courtneigh." Reading this, it would be pronounced "Court-nay," but when I did that, I was corrected and told it should be "Court-knee."

I had one little girl the other day whose name was written "Mia," which is not unusual. But when I called for Mia, an angry mother huffily informed me that her name is pronounced "Maya," like the ancient civilization. There was another child with the seemingly normal name "Dominique." Except this child was a boy, and I was told to pronounce his name "Dominic."

I want to be welcoming to all, but how should I act when parents can't seem to spell? My own name is uncommon, but at least pronounceable.

GENTLE READER: Your annoyance is nothing compared to what those children will have to go through. Having an unusual name means a lifetime of spelling and pronouncing it for other people.

Parents may have good reasons for conferring such names anyway -- honoring a person or a heritage, for example. Or the desire for something distinctive (although it is odd how often names that seemed unique turn out to be part of a fad).

Or perhaps they just can't spell.

In any case, Miss Manners expects people to make a good-faith effort to learn how others want to be addressed. And she requires an equal good-faith effort from the bestowers and holders of these names when patiently explaining those preferences to others -- and ignoring mistakes that are not likely to be repeated.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a plus-sized lady. I eat healthy foods, I exercise and I take pretty good care of myself. Due to things beyond my control (a medical condition), I will always be plus-sized. Without the exercise and healthy lifestyle, I would be two or three times bigger than I am now.

Because I'm big, people seem to think it's OK to comment on my size by saying things like, "You could probably lose some of that weight if you stopped eating bread," or "You should start exercising. That weight would come right off if you did!" Sometimes they say things like, "At least you have a pretty face."

A perfect stranger who was behind me in line at the checkout said, "You know, if you drink more water and do some walking, you will lose a ton of weight." I said to her, "All I drink is water and green tea, and I walk for an hour every day." She simply told me that I must not be walking fast enough.

What is a polite way to tell them they're making false assumptions, overstepping boundaries, and that it's really none of their business?

GENTLE READER: In more subtle times, there were expressions for dealing with outrageous intrusiveness. You would exclaim in a forceful voice, "I beg your pardon!" Or, in cases of crude intrusion, "How dare you?"

Nowadays, people tend to take such expressions literally, Miss Manners realizes. She can already hear them asking why they should apologize for someone else's rudeness.

No, no, no. It was clearly understood to mean, "You had better beg MY pardon" or, more bluntly, "That is none of your business."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son graduated from high school back in May. We sent a number of announcements to close friends and relatives. We also invited those in our city, and those traveling here for the graduation, to a get-together to celebrate.

Most people who received the announcement and/or the invitation bestowed gifts or money on my son. However, one such person did not, and although I've never said anything to her, it bothers me.

This same person has attended at least four barbecues/parties at my home, where my wife and I provided everything. She and I participate in a morning exercise class along with several other friends, and have done so for years. She and her husband have considerable means, as they show with their worldwide travel, stays at five-star hotels, and very expensive house, cars and wardrobe. He is a doctor, she is a nurse, and they do not have kids. Never once have they reciprocated with an invite to any function at their home or to a dinner out.

She was the only person not to give my son a gift or card. Do I just keep this to myself, or ask her why she chose not to provide a gift?

GENTLE READER: Exactly why did you invite this person to your son's graduation? Is she a friend of his?

She is not a friend of yours, as is evident in the way you speak of her and her husband. And they have never cared to entertain you.

Sadly, you have supplied the answer: You have noticed that they have money, and you were counting on your son's getting some of it. Demanding payment would be a good way to turn these non-friends into enemies. And Miss Manners reminds you that they know where you live.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately, I have had two separate co-workers express regret that they wouldn't be able to attend a meeting because they needed to assist an elderly parent who isn't doing well.

Having received that knowledge, what should I say to them when I later run into them in the office?

On the one hand, I want them to know that I have sympathy and care about the status of their parents, but on the other hand, I don't want to bring up a painful subject that they might not want to think or talk about. I really don't know the proper etiquette in this situation.

GENTLE READER: That sympathy might remind the unfortunate of their problems is one reason people avoid expressing compassion, even after a death. And the avoidance then creates the feeling that nobody cares.

You can trust Miss Manners that people remember their troubles. As these co-workers have told theirs to you, you should at least express the hope -- as they are able to return to work -- that their parents are better.

You should especially do so if you suspect that the repetition of the identical excuse from different people means that it is just a new excuse for getting out of meetings.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When showing people around your house, and you come to a staircase, who goes first? The guest or the shower?

GENTLE READER: By "the shower," Miss Manners assumes you mean "the one who is showing the house" and not "the plumbing stall that is curiously being pushed up the stairs."

The old-fashioned rule was that a lady would precede the gentleman up the stairs in case she were to fall -- ensuring that he could then assist her.

In this case, however, and no matter the gender, Miss Manners picks the shower to go first. This has the benefit of reducing the number of times one must say, "No, you want to go to your left at the top of the stairs. No, left!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, I have participated in all my family's and friends' weddings, showers and birthdays. My husband and I don't have children.

My cousins are now starting to invite us to their children's baby and wedding showers. I will never be able to retire if I start another generation of gift-giving. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: That you tell your family to cease procreating immediately.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several old friends and I have planned a girls' weekend at a world-famous music festival in a beautiful city this summer. But one of the four recently insisted, in a group text, that she did not want to spend her valuable dollars on things she doesn't care for -- namely, classical music, opera or chamber music. These are the focus of this festival and the reason we chose that particular weekend.

I mentioned that the festival includes jazz and blues, and she responded that she had recently attended the best jazz festival in the nation.

No one else responded to what seemed, to me, like a line drawn in the sand. What am I to do?

I am a one-glass-of-wine person, and thus don't favor what I think this friend has in mind: a bender or "party hard"-type of weekend, with evenings spent ordering a lot of expensive food, cocktails and wine at restaurants, followed by more drinking at the city's bars.

I would like to attend one of the festival's events each night, preceded or followed by dinner (with a normal amount of drinking). I actually don't know what the others want. Should I just make up an excuse not to attend?

GENTLE READER: Not before trying to salvage it for yourself and your other friends: "I am so sorry that you are having second thoughts about the weekend's activities, but we specifically chose this time and location so that we could attend the concerts. If you still want to attend, we are happy to meet you before or afterwards for meals or a drink. That is my proposal, but I'll let the others weigh in."

At which point, Miss Manners has little doubt that the rest will follow suit. Or you will be divided and can split off. Or at least you will have your definitive answer and a reasonable excuse not to attend.

But you should not feel coerced into doing something you do not wish to do when you all had decided that this is what you wanted to do. Surely your friend can enjoy her bender elsewhere.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)