DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law is very concerned that my love of bright colors and patterns conveys "lower class" standards to her uppity family.

Her snobbery and striving led to our falling out when I disagreed with her dictating what her extended family would wear on a vacation that she did not pay for. She tried to insist that the entire family would wear neutrals and classic lines, which she already has plenty of.

My grandma taught me to dress as I want, so I wore comfortable original and designer clothing by my favorite makers. My MIL tried to exclude me from any family photos because I didn't meet her dress code.

I contend that I cannot smile in beige or ecru, and I cannot stand people who are rich enough to be snobby but not rich enough to be kind. She thinks I should accept her "training," or down-dressing, and step in line.

GENTLE READER: There are no class rules, Miss Manners assures you, about clothing colors -- as long as you are not dressing in bright colors at a funeral. Although if your MIL's browbeating continues, you might one day be tempted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a small fiber arts business, and am a generally crafty person. I embroider, sew, crochet and knit, and also do a variety of other crafts. I like to wear, display and talk about what I make, as I'm proud of it. However, this is often met with a response along the lines of, "I could never do that."

I know it's rude to reply with "Not with that attitude" or "You could if you practiced," but I'm wondering what a polite response would be.

While it is often meant as a compliment, I feel that the "I could never" response implies that my abilities are innate rather than a skill set developed over years of work, so it makes me defensive and more likely to respond rudely or snarkily.

Is there a way to graciously accept this as a compliment while also reminding people that I am good at what I do because I've worked hard at it?

GENTLE READER: "Well, at one point, I couldn't either."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm getting ready to propose to my girlfriend. We have a trip to Italy planned, to attend the wedding of two of her friends. I think it would be a nice time to propose, but I don't want to steal the thunder from the wedding.

We will be there for several days, so obviously I would not propose the day of the wedding or around any wedding events.

GENTLE READER: The trick is to ask her when it will, as you say, not upstage any wedding events, but also afford your new fiancee the requisite chance to squeal the news loudly to her friends.

Miss Manners wishes you luck in finding that time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a dinner party where the hostess, a paralegal at a local law firm, was telling us about a conversation she had in her office with one of the partners. The actual point of the story became secondary to our conversation when she set the stage with, "When he sat down, I made sure to lower my chair so that I sat lower than him."

The other four women in the room were stunned. We pressed her on this, and she was surprised at our reaction.

I understand that you would want to be at eye level with someone during an important conversation, but physically sublimating yourself to your boss seems extreme. Is this normal office etiquette of which I am simply unaware?

GENTLE READER: Not in this country -- or century. And previous centuries did not have such easily adjustable chairs.

In other cultures, bowing to lower yourself in front of someone of higher social standing (a high-status person or an elder) is considered polite. But America was founded with the idea that we are all created equal.

So unless this woman's boss is quite literally of such low stature that he requires a seat adjustment in order to be seen at eye level, Miss Manners is inclined to share your stunned reaction.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I separated 17 years ago. We never got divorced and probably never will. He lives in the Midwest and I live on the West Coast.

Over the years, we have maintained a decent relationship. He stays with me when he visits his sons and family nearby, and his visits now are several months at a time.

My dilemma is how to introduce him to people. Other than close friends and family, everyone thinks I am divorced.

I cannot use "ex-husband" because he's not (and also because he doesn't like that title). I don't want to use "friend" because that is misleading. What is the proper term to use?

GENTLE READER: How about the vague "former husband," as referencing your formerly having lived together as husband and wife?

Miss Manners cautions you, however, that any future husbands will no doubt prefer you change his status to "ex."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a middle-aged woman who still gets together with some friends from college several times a year. Due to our inside jokes and reminiscing, we do not include husbands or other family members.

At our last two outings, one woman brought a friend of hers whom no one knew. This woman dominated the conversation, steering it back to her outspoken religious beliefs. In short, it wasn't the fun, relaxing evening we had planned.

Our friend who brought this guest is oblivious. Is there a polite way to discourage this type of unwanted visitor at our dinners?

GENTLE READER: You may try: "Let's just keep it to the college friends, since we hate to bore outsiders with our chatter. Maybe you two will be able to talk more freely elsewhere, without us getting in the way."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother is getting married for the second time. He first married about 25 years ago, divorcing 10 years later.

Since then, he has left a trail of destruction and heartbreak: He has cheated on, and lost, a series of partners, and even got fired from a lucrative job because he conducted multiple affairs with employees.

His behavior has so alienated his children that they are now barely on speaking terms. He admits to his transgressions, but resents that his children avoid him and are not supportive of the upcoming marriage because they are appalled at the way he treats women. (The bride-to-be is not inexperienced. She's been married several times and has children of her own.)

I was surprised to be asked to be the "best person" at the wedding. I accepted immediately, out of a sense of fraternal duty, without knowing the bride well or even supporting the marriage in my heart. I've regretted it ever since. Is it too late to back out?

GENTLE READER: Yes. If it helps, Miss Manners suggests you think of your charming behavior at the wedding as a living demonstration that some members of the family honor their commitments, even uncomfortable ones.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My supervisor at work occasionally buys coffee for everyone in our small department. It is a nice gesture, and she pays out of her own pocket.

One of my co-workers, however, makes a habit of not only requesting the most expensive options, but also several food items. She encourages all of our co-workers to order additional items, as well.

I believe my supervisor has begun to feel that she is being taken advantage of. Is there a tactful way for me to approach my co-worker, or should I leave the situation alone?

GENTLE READER: Leaving it alone is less likely to get you in trouble, but Miss Manners suspects what you really want to know is how to intervene.

"Did you realize that she's buying this out of her own pocket? The company doesn't reimburse her," you might say. "That's so nice of her."

If that's too subtle, you could add, "The cookies are delicious, but I don't want to discourage her from treating us all again." If that is still too subtle, leave the situation alone.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A woman of my acquaintance whom I see socially from time to time (not a close friend) is hosting a belated wedding celebration for her daughter. She has asked me if three out-of-town guests might stay in my house, pointing out that I could charge them for their stay.

I am not in need of money and have no interest in sharing my home with complete strangers, even for a few days. What is the least awkward way to tell this woman that I'm declining to host her guests?

GENTLE READER: The most polite answer is, "I'm so sorry, but I can't."

Miss Manners is unable to say what will be least awkward with someone whose idea of social grace is to billet her friends on a stranger -- and then suggest bilking those friends.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)