DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a small town where there are many opportunities to know your neighbors’ troubles and help if you can. In the past two months, there have been two families needing help. One friend suffered an illness, and another’s family home burned to the ground.

I helped the first friend by driving and running errands. Another friend of that family set up an app where people could sign up to donate meals. I didn’t sign up, as I was already helping in another way.

Three friends forwarded the app to me, as they saw I hadn’t signed up: “Hey -- did you get this??”

For the other family, I dropped off a gift card from the grocery store. Someone then set up a social media fundraiser, where the majority of folks chose to donate with their names listed. Since I’m not on the list, I’m getting the same question, with the implication I haven’t helped: “Hey -- didn’t you see the app?”

I don’t want to feel as though I need to explain, but how do I avoid the “app shaming”?

GENTLE READER: In the current climate, the idea of not getting credit for your good deeds is unthinkable. Social media has only made it more public -- and easier to shame those who choose not to, or who use a more discreet method for their charitable acts.

Miss Manners therefore suggests that, when asked if you have seen the app, you respond by saying dismissively, “I did, but I already donated privately.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As family gathered after the funeral of my beloved husband, an in-law with little connection to him insisted I collect hair from his hairbrush.

“It’s not too late to get a DNA analysis and ensure that he was really as much of a [specific ethnic group] as he said he was,” she told me. When I demurred, she said she’d do it herself.

My spouse would never have agreed to such a thing, and his near relatives were horrified. Any thoughts on a response?

GENTLE READER: “Please don’t.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my nephew got married, I couldn’t attend the wedding, so I wanted to send a nice gift. But when I looked at their wedding registry, all that was left were things like a bathroom trash can, drawer dividers and other things I felt were not appropriate as gifts.

The other options they gave were $20 gift cards, bank cards or a direct payment to them. Unfortunately, the registry also concealed their address and said it was “private,” so I couldn’t just send them something else. (I’m sure I could have asked and received their address, though.)

I find it odd to request cash or a bank card. Maybe it’s a generational thing? I ended up buying gift cards. I would have given one big sum, but stopped at just two $20 cards because I felt ridiculous buying a handful. What should I have done?

GENTLE READER: Asked for and received that address. And then bought the couple an original and thoughtful present of your own choosing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing to you on behalf of a fracture in my family -- namely, the infamous #fishgate.

One Christmas, my father purchased a large salmon. My husband then smoked the fish, which we all ate. After the meal, there was some leftover fish. My mother first asked my husband if he would like the leftovers, and he said, “No, thank you.”

My mother then told my brother he could have it. But unbeknownst to us, my dad had already packed up the fish to take home for my mother, who is pescatarian. My brother got very annoyed and demanded the fish. My father rather sheepishly gave it to him.

The following Mother's Day, my father again brought fish over, which my husband smoked for everyone to eat. It was very tasty. My dad also brought a second filet, telling my husband that it was specifically for my mother as a leftover so she could eat it over the coming week. After the meal, my dad packaged it up and took it home with them.

My brother and mother believe my father “stole” the fish in both situations. From my perspective, my father went to the store and purchased the fish. After my husband, who cooked it, declined the leftovers, the next in line would be my father.

My mother says it is her right to give it to my brother, but I find this confusing. I feel like it was my father’s fish. I would appreciate your advice on the proper passage of leftovers at a family dinner.

GENTLE READER: When the situation is not as complicated as this, potluck leftovers go back to the owner if the host declines. The confusion here, however, stems from your father taking the fish on behalf of your mother, thereby relinquishing his rights as owner. But if your father truly intended it for your mother and she does not want it, why is he insisting? Miss Manners smells something ... suspicious.

Her best advice would be for your father to learn how to smoke his own fish and avoid all of this.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister got married some time ago, and shot glasses were the wedding favors. She is now divorced. What do you do with the favor? The wedding did happen, and it’s my sister, so on one hand I want to keep it. On the other hand, they are now divorced.

I know you’ll say it’s my decision, but I am curious as to what someone else may have done in a similar situation. Such a trivial thing, I know.

GENTLE READER: Yet there it is, taking up space in your house, as well as your head. If you cannot repurpose it (decoupage? nail polish?), Miss Manners suggests creating a box marked “Sentimental” and putting it in the back of the closet or basement with all of the other things that are hard to discard. Miss Manners has an attic full of them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Upon entering the bin-loading line at airport security, the traveler directly ahead of me started to load her bin at the tail end of the "rolling pin" line, farthest from the scanner. There was no one ahead of her, leaving the roughly 30 feet of loading area empty.

There were travelers behind me. I grabbed an empty bin, walked around her and began filling it. She completed loading her bin and brought it around in front of me, immediately in front of the scanner to run through.

I would not have noted any of this except that, as we picked up our bins post-scanner, the traveler turned to me and noted that I had rudely cut in front. With several additional critical comments, she got her displeasure off her chest.

I had several responses in mind, but simply wished her safe travels. I have had a bit of esprit de l’escalier, but also some reflection.

Who, in your opinion, was the impolite party? For my part, I think this traveler committed two etiquette gaffes, but I have certainly been wrong before.

GENTLE READER: Even had she not known how you (politely and correctly) resolved the situation, Miss Manners would have concluded -- from your charging that person with only two rudenesses -- that you value civil coexistence. She thanks you for that rare restraint.

In your place, your fellow traveler, who is evidently stockpiling indignities, would no doubt have filed separate charges for each specific insult -- without waiting to think of them on the staircase.

A polite traveler who needed extra time to hoist everything up onto the belt should simultaneously, and explicitly, invite those in line behind to proceed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there really such a thing as rummage sale etiquette?

Here is what happened: A friend told me about a church rummage sale via text, with pictures. She wrote in capital letters, "I REALLY LOVE THIS" next to a picture of a quilt for sale. I said it was neat.

Well, we were in line for the sale to open, and she was in front of me, but she went in a direction away from the quilt. I knew where the bedding was at this yearly sale, so I got the quilt because I wanted it, too, and so did two other ladies.

She is now mad at me because she said I knew she quilted. But I had forgotten that. She asked whether our friendship was worth me getting the quilt before her.

So what is the etiquette? I feel that whoever gets the item, gets the item. Is that right, even if you both want it??????

GENTLE READER: Yes, but yours was not exactly an innocent mistake, was it?

You learned of the quilt because of your friend’s text and you watched her go off in what you knew was the wrong direction.

Miss Manners admits that it would have been worse had you trampled her in your haste to snatch the quilt -- or hidden it when she passed by -- but surely you must understand why she feels ill-used.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)