DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I’m talking to someone who represents a company, I sometimes say something like, “This is the fourth time I have called you.”

The representative nearly always replies with, “I’m not the person you talked to last time. I didn’t know about this issue before.”

Sometimes I then say, “The word 'you' can be used as a plural; in this case, it refers to your company and the people who work there.”

Am I wrong to use the word “you” to address a company in general? Do I have to say, at the beginning of every sentence, "I'm referring to the company you represent when I say the word 'you'"?

GENTLE READER: A call that begins with your announcing how many preceded it is not, Miss Manners feels sure, to discuss what a wonderful job the company is doing. You are calling to get the book, the dishwasher or the refund you were promised.

For that reason, she cautions against aggressive forays into grammar lessons, which will only convince the customer service representative that you are looking for a fight -- and any fight will do.

Instead, you may say: “Please don’t transfer me. This is my fourth call about this; I have been transferred three times and twice hung up on. I would be grateful if you could help me finally resolve this.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend called me, on two separate occasions, to complain about my daughter’s behavior towards her daughter at school.

I was a bit taken aback because when my daughter is at school, her teacher is responsible for her. I do not homeschool, and cannot control my daughter when she is not in my presence.

Initially, I offered an apology. When it happened a second time, I was annoyed, but said "thank you." I contacted the school and let them know my daughter was experiencing social/relational aggression with schoolmates.

Since then, my supposed friend hasn’t contacted me. I feel that she has reacted emotionally and taken this situation personally.

What is the correct way to respond when a parent is contacted by another parent, and still maintain their respect and friendship?

GENTLE READER: Your friend feels that parental responsibility is not a switch to be turned off merely because a child is out of sight. As Miss Manners agrees with her, her suggestion to you is that you listen, investigate (if important specifics are in doubt), and respond.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We were sitting at a restaurant, perhaps talking too loudly. A diner complained on the way out: They objected to a word that we used (not a slur, not an expletive).

We said, in our best Miss Manners voice, “Sorry.” They left.

Later, a friend not present said he would have been confrontational in our shoes. I figure it's better to be easygoing, but I still feel uncomfortable, especially now that anyone can be unhappy with any word. Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: That your friend emulate you, as he is unlikely to enjoy the world if he sticks with his stated approach.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to know how to reply to others when they make negative comments about where I am traveling.

Often, I need to let people know that I will be out of town. They always want to know where I am going, but follow it up with negative comments, such as “I wouldn’t go there” or “I’ve heard that area is not worth visiting.”

GENTLE READER: You could stop telling such people where you are going, simply saying “Away.”

But Miss Manners would be tempted to reply, “Yes, that’s what we are telling people to avoid the over-tourism problem.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I grew up, my parents told me it was never OK to discuss money -- not how much something cost, not how much you had in the bank, not your pension, not your inheritance. My impression was that it was bragging, or would start comparisons that could lead to hard feelings. People would judge you by how much money you had (or didn’t have).

My close friend has no problem talking about how much her car cost, how much she spent on vacation, what she gets in her pension, how much she has in an IRA, etc. She finds it odd that I don’t want to reveal my money situation.

So then I thought, maybe I was actually taught that talking about money was “low class,” or that people who were comfortable with their financial situation did not need to talk about it. Or is it that people who didn't grow up with enough money like to talk about how much they now have and how well they’re doing?

Why was I taught that discussing money was rude? Why do I still believe this?

GENTLE READER: Because your parents were right: It constitutes bragging, leads to unpleasant comparisons and uses money to calculate people’s more general worth.

Miss Manners begs you not to twist this to mean its opposite. Obviously, refraining from discussing one’s finances is the opposite of lording it over people who have less money than you.

That your friend discusses her money does not mean you need to do so. Surely your parents must also have taught you that if a friend jumps out the window, you are not required to follow.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I had an exquisite meal at a very expensive restaurant. I paid because they didn’t have their wallet on them, even though they ordered most of the food for themselves.

Long story short, how do I politely decline paying for dinner tonight?

GENTLE READER: Actually, the follow-up dinner makes it easy. You don’t have to do any bill collecting; when the check comes, just say, “Your turn. I got it last time.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Hypothetically, if no one offers to throw a shower or bachelorette party for a bride-to-be, should she ask for one?

GENTLE READER: If she doesn’t mind seeming pathetic, she can ask for anything, including honors that nobody she knows is inspired to give her otherwise. This does not mean that they need to comply.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are people oblivious, uninformed, narcissistic or just plain rude when it comes to sports etiquette? From the golf course to the gym, these outings are becoming less enjoyable.

Slow players on the golf course -- whether it's a large group, or a small group playing multiple balls per person -- won’t let others play through, even upon request. Or someone will be just sitting at a gym machine, playing on her phone, while a queue forms. When I ask if I can please use the machine, she'll reply, “I have two more sets,” then look back at her phone.

I am sure others have experienced worse when it comes to poor sports etiquette. Even complaining to management changes nothing.

GENTLE READER: And to think that sports used to be considered an etiquette training ground.

Yes, really. Think of the elements of etiquette that are enforced in sports: dress codes, respect for authority, graciousness in winning or in losing, penalties for breaking rules, etc.

Haven’t seen much of that on the playing fields lately? Or in the stands? Alas, no. Rather than be the exemplar of good sportsmanship, the sports world, at both professional and personal levels, has become more like the rest of society, as you have noticed.

Competition is more satisfying when it is against opponents one respects. Miss Manners would hope that the parents of young athletes, and the managers of teams and of gymnasiums, would find it in their interest to revive the old standards and bar mean-spirited behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are planning to sell our house and move into an apartment. The timing is tricky, in that we are hoping to sell our house before the apartment is completed.

A close friend asked me what we would do if our house didn’t sell. I told her we preferred to be optimistic. She then proceeded to tell me about a friend of hers who is trying to sell her house, but had four offers fall through.

I thought her question and the story she volunteered were both out of line. How should I reply if she keeps on asking these questions?

GENTLE READER: “Well, I suppose if we can’t sell the house in time, we would have to give up the apartment. We would still keep the house on the market, though, and meanwhile, I thought we would move in with you! It is so good to know that we can always fall back on the kindness of our friends.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should a former president of the United States be addressed?

It would seem to me there is only one president at a time; therefore, the title should not accompany anyone out of office.

GENTLE READER: You are correct. Almost nobody else is, including former presidents.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)