DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my grandparents' home, no food was allowed to go to waste. After a meal, if there was any food left on someone's plate, it would either be claimed by someone else or added to the soup pot that was always on the stove. If someone had gravy left on their plate and no bread to sop it up, they were allowed to lick the plate.

This was because my grandparents had left Europe to escape famine; wasting food was a matter of life and death. So manners are situational as well as cultural.

Knowing this, if you are a guest in a home representing an unfamiliar culture, would it be smart to discreetly ask the host or hostess if there are any special manners expected of you? You could do this at the door while you thank them for the invitation. If you were invited by a friend, should you ask them ahead of time?

GENTLE READER: No. And Miss Manners fears the consequences of inviting every hostess to improvise new rules for hungry guests at the front door.

But you cite an interesting example. Current dinner guests of your grandparents should not be considered disrespectful of your grandparents’ life experience if they expect any licking of plates to occur out of sight.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have never had a good memory, and now, in my 70s, my memory could be classified as poor.

I just invited a friend to see "Dune 2" with me, and he reminded me that he had declined to join me for the original "Dune," so why would he want to go to the sequel?

He did attach a laughing emoji, but it still stung.

At a different friend’s house, I admired some brickwork and asked who had done the installation, because I need some similar work done. She reminded me -- making her annoyance clear -- that I had asked before, and that she had told me the person no longer did that kind of work.

In both of these cases, I apologized for my poor memory. But I wonder if there is a way I can remind people that these memory lapses aren't really my fault, and that the kind thing to do is let them pass.

GENTLE READER: Your second friend was just being rude, and the proper way to acknowledge that is to make your apology perfunctory.

But are we so sure your friend with the emoji was not trying to be funny? Miss Manners suspects he did not really expect you to remember his having turned down an invitation to the original "Dune," which premiered 40 years ago. Even if he was referring to the more recent film, it might have lightened your own mood to answer, “I thought that after 40 years, your tastes might have changed for the better.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I moved to a new area and adopted a large dog from a shelter. Large dogs were common where I grew up, and while some people didn’t care for dogs, very few people were scared of them.

In this new area, I’ve noticed that some people are outright afraid of my dog. While on a walk, I saw a mother gasp and clutch her toddler to her chest to keep him out of the dog’s path. One neighbor literally screamed when the dog walked past her open door. (The dog was ahead of me and she did glance into the open door, so I suppose the woman didn’t see the leash and thought that she was loose.)

A grown man stepped off the elevator when we entered, saying he would take the next one and flattening himself to the wall to keep his distance as he did so.

How should I react when someone is scared of my dog? I obviously feel bad for scaring people, and my instinct is to apologize and remove my dog from the situation. I will continue walking her away from people who are clearly uncomfortable, but are apologies necessary when neither my dog nor I are doing anything wrong?

Is there a phrase you can suggest to convey that I’m sorry they’re feeling this way, without implying any wrongdoing?

GENTLE READER: Moving to a new area always involves a period of adjusting to local custom. Unless your pet is the size of a bear, the three reactions you describe are suspiciously dramatic -- and therefore worth investigating further.

Has the (supposedly) grown man, for example, chosen an unfortunately childish way to alert you to a building rule of which you were unaware, concerning pets in elevators?

Once you are confident that you are not violating any unfamiliar rules, you will still have to account for the fright: “She’s harmless; there is no need to be afraid.” But Miss Manners will agree that this may be said a trifle stiffly if you believe the dramatization of said fear to be out of proportion to the actual emotion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is in a rehabilitation facility, receiving physical therapy to improve his strength after orthopedic surgery. He is in a semiprivate room. His bed is by the window; the other bed is by the door.

What is the proper way to pass by the other man’s bed to get to my husband’s? Should I avoid looking at the other patient? Look and nod? Look and greet?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette of the semiprivate room in a medical facility requires a delicate balance between familiarity and distance. One can hardly pretend the other person is not there, so initial introductions and greetings are in order.

But it is also necessary to provide a level of privacy -- looking away when necessary -- that does not, in fact, exist. A brief “Good afternoon” (if the patient is awake) will do as you move past. Think of it as the psychological equivalent of the fabric curtain drawn down the middle of the room -- a barrier that has to be believed to be seen.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the mother of two young children: a 2-year-old girl and a 5-month-old boy. How should I respond when people ask me if I am breastfeeding them?

I recognize that this is 2024, and many people have put forth a huge amount of effort to promote breastfeeding as a best practice for babies and young toddlers. I’m also glad that we live in a society where mothers can feel free to breastfeed in public without feeling shame or embarrassment.

But people I barely know, women and men alike, will ask me if I am breastfeeding my children. I am a fairly private person, and I don’t really like to talk about my private body parts around people other than my husband or a medical professional.

While breastfeeding is now celebrated, breasts themselves remain a private part of a woman’s body, do they not? To what extent is it good manners to ask a mother about how she is feeding her children?

GENTLE READER: It’s not just because this involves your bosom (as Miss Manners delicately puts it) that this is an outrageously intrusive question. It is designed to lead to lectures on the subject -- chastising you if you are not breastfeeding, or probing further if you are.

Therefore, it deserves a none-of-your-business reply, such as, “Why? Do they look hungry?”

Oh, dear, another snarky comeback. Miss Manners sometimes hears from Gentle Readers who prefer that even casual rudeness be hashed out with frank expressions of everyone’s feelings, preferably with the help of therapists.

But if we analyzed and sought to punish every bit of thoughtlessness, we would hardly have time for anything else. It is easier to dismiss such things with a flip remark or, if you prefer, just a shocked stare.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I received a substantial cash gift from my parents to celebrate our elopement. They delivered the gift while visiting our home about a month ago (we live in different states).

Typically, when I receive a gift or stay in someone's home, I mail a thank-you note the next day so I don’t forget.

In this case, I truly cannot recall if I sent one or not. These are my parents, not mere acquaintances. Is it acceptable to ask them if they already received a note from us? Or is it better just to send one now, possibly acknowledging that it might be a duplicate?

GENTLE READER: The problem is your checklist. Not that you forgot to mark it, but that you think of it as a set exchange: one present, one letter of thanks.

“In case I didn’t thank you -- thanks” is not a sentiment that can be charmingly worded.

What Miss Manners suggests instead is some version of, “Liam and I know how lucky we are to have your support -- not only for your very generous present, but also for your emotional support and your fine example.”

And so on. They are not going to read such a letter and then say, “But she already thanked us.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)