DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am disabled, and I use a walker to get around. While I am somewhat used to small children asking questions about my walker, I am surprised, and even shocked, when adults do.

I was at an event recently when a woman I did not know asked, “So, you don’t really NEED that thing, do you? You just like having it, right?”

I responded by telling her that I DO need the walker, then moved away from her. Some friends at the event were appalled at her questions.

My son and I were at a restaurant a couple of weeks ago. As we were being escorted to our table, the host asked, “Why do you have that thing? Is it your back? Your hips? Your legs? What’s the problem?”

I replied, “It’s everything.” He laughed and said, “Oh, it’s everything!”

Is there a polite response to these questions? Honestly, I am offended that anyone would ask a disabled person about their issues. And as offended as I was, my son was even more so.

It’s challenging to go anywhere when you feel that people are staring at you, and even worse when you add in the possibility of a rude person asking for an explanation of your physical issues.

GENTLE READER: A look of shock is all that is required. But if the questioning does not cease, Miss Manners suggests you say, “I gather you are asking because you are in need of one?” Perhaps this will quiet them into wondering, at least, why they are so impertinently interested.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece, in her 30s, has now earned a graduate degree. While I provided her a generous check when she graduated from undergraduate college many years ago, I’m not quite sure what to give her this time around.

She has a well-paying job, so giving her money doesn’t seem appropriate. Any other ideas on a token of my congratulations for her success?

GENTLE READER: A pen -- so she can sign her own checks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I will be hosting a family gathering for our kids and grandkids. On top of having many people to feed, there are my (medically dictated) dietary restrictions to consider.

We have a family member who is curious about my special food and wants to sample it, even though I’ve explained there’s a purposeful reason for the difference in what I'm eating and the food I’ve prepared for guests.

What should I do when the whole family of 11 gathers in our home? Am I coming across as selfish or snooty when I try to mark a distinction between the foods provided? Should I prepare my food in the utility room instead of the kitchen?

GENTLE READER: Is your special food so flavorless that you cannot make it for the whole family?

For your sake, Miss Manners hopes not. She suggests that you create a menu, at least 75% of which is OK for you to eat. Then, just for fun, do not tell your curious family member which 75% it is.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have some friends who live eight hours away, and they have been after us for the past few years to visit. A few weeks ago, we made the drive to see them and stayed two nights.

Both mornings, they slept very late, rising after 10 a.m. We got up and made coffee, and that was the extent of the breakfast. We took them out to a restaurant dinner one night, and the next night, they ordered pizza and passed out flimsy paper plates.

We left the following morning, after we again had made the coffee. They did pull themselves out of bed to see us off. We stopped at a fast-food restaurant to eat.

It felt disrespectful to me that we were not worthy of them getting up at a reasonable time, perhaps actually cooking something and, that aside, using something other than paper plates. The two of them are also constant quibblers.

We are considering not making the effort to see them in the future. Am I being too picky and snobbish, or expecting too much?

GENTLE READER: It is a very different thing to live with someone -- even temporarily -- than just to know them socially. Your friends have a home routine that does not meet your expectations, and while it does not make them great hosts, it does not necessarily make them bad companions.

Miss Manners suggests that you keep the friendship away from overnight visits. Unless, of course, you want to act as hosts next time and show them how it is properly done. Just be prepared for them to sleep through your homemade breakfast served on china plates.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it a requirement to bring a gift to an engagement party when a gift registry is not included in the invitation?

GENTLE READER: It is not even a requirement when it is.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m wondering how to address my 10-year-old granddaughter when she says things that are unkind to me.

She has a habit of putting down her younger brother (saying he’s stupid, lazy, fat, etc.), for which I’ve admonished her. We’ve always had an excellent relationship, but I notice she’s now directing these types of comments my way, particularly about my innate physical characteristics. (She comes from a family of great beauties, and I’m not overly attractive.)

I’m reluctant to give her the power of knowing she can wound me, but I’m not quite sure how to handle this passive-aggressive behavior. Suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Yes, two. First, that you recognize that this behavior is aggressive-aggressive, not passive-aggressive. And second, that you dissuade yourself of the idea that the power is hers if she knows she can wound you.

Miss Manners hopes that at 10 years old, this child is not beyond learning empathy -- or at the very least, the consequences of damaging relationships. As her grandmother, you have the standing to tell her that this is hurtful and that insulting people is not acceptable.

You may add that others -- e.g., her friends -- may not give her the second chance that you will.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my grandparents' home, no food was allowed to go to waste. After a meal, if there was any food left on someone's plate, it would either be claimed by someone else or added to the soup pot that was always on the stove. If someone had gravy left on their plate and no bread to sop it up, they were allowed to lick the plate.

This was because my grandparents had left Europe to escape famine; wasting food was a matter of life and death. So manners are situational as well as cultural.

Knowing this, if you are a guest in a home representing an unfamiliar culture, would it be smart to discreetly ask the host or hostess if there are any special manners expected of you? You could do this at the door while you thank them for the invitation. If you were invited by a friend, should you ask them ahead of time?

GENTLE READER: No. And Miss Manners fears the consequences of inviting every hostess to improvise new rules for hungry guests at the front door.

But you cite an interesting example. Current dinner guests of your grandparents should not be considered disrespectful of your grandparents’ life experience if they expect any licking of plates to occur out of sight.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have never had a good memory, and now, in my 70s, my memory could be classified as poor.

I just invited a friend to see "Dune 2" with me, and he reminded me that he had declined to join me for the original "Dune," so why would he want to go to the sequel?

He did attach a laughing emoji, but it still stung.

At a different friend’s house, I admired some brickwork and asked who had done the installation, because I need some similar work done. She reminded me -- making her annoyance clear -- that I had asked before, and that she had told me the person no longer did that kind of work.

In both of these cases, I apologized for my poor memory. But I wonder if there is a way I can remind people that these memory lapses aren't really my fault, and that the kind thing to do is let them pass.

GENTLE READER: Your second friend was just being rude, and the proper way to acknowledge that is to make your apology perfunctory.

But are we so sure your friend with the emoji was not trying to be funny? Miss Manners suspects he did not really expect you to remember his having turned down an invitation to the original "Dune," which premiered 40 years ago. Even if he was referring to the more recent film, it might have lightened your own mood to answer, “I thought that after 40 years, your tastes might have changed for the better.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)