DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to be religious, many years ago, but I now identify as pagan -- meaning that I believe in the powers of Mother Earth, and that everything she’s created is sacred.

My beliefs are personal, and I don’t discuss them with others unless directly asked.

Because the majority of people believe in God, there’s a general societal belief that everyone does. I’ve been around those who speak freely about their beliefs to the point where I feel like I’m being beaten over the head.

I respect their beliefs, but at the same time, I’d like to say something to remind these speakers that not everyone shares them. How do I tell people that we nonbelievers do not want to hear about their religion ad nauseam?

GENTLE READER: Techniques for changing the subject of a conversation rely on a combination of surprise and persistence, Miss Manners notes. Those who dominate conversations usually do so by having relentless personalities -- and by never coming up for air.

With the right accomplice -- and the right timing -- you could interject, “Yes, our community subscribes to many different faiths. But perhaps that’s a topic for another time.” And then launch into a new topic with a willing partner.

Alternatively, when faced with a near-lecture on theology, you could expound on your beliefs in Mother Earth and her powers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The man I’ve been dating for the last year doesn’t use the words “thank you” or “please.” When I’ve brought up the topic, he simply says, “It’s redundant to say that all the time.”

I asked him if he was at his office, and someone offered him coffee, would he say “no, thank you” or “yes, please”? He responded that he would.

From an early age, I was instructed to say “please” and “thank you.” My young nieces and nephews do so, and when I have children, I will expect the same from them.

How can I explain to him that these words are not "redundant," that they’re important for everyday use and that they're important to me?

GENTLE READER: Tell him that the morning latte you make for him, that he enjoys so much, has become redundant.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think about people who start scanning their items at grocery store self-checkouts and sending them down the belt before one has finished bagging one’s own items?

I have experienced this rude and selfish behavior on several occasions. Today, when a lady behind me sent her items down the belt and they became intermingled with my own groceries, I felt like letting them stay that way and bagging them up with mine.

I suggest that grocery stores put up a sign that asks people to show courtesy and wait until the person ahead of them is done. Or perhaps the scanning device shouldn't operate until the bagging area is clear.

GENTLE READER: Is that not what the little plastic dividers are for?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was active-duty military, eligible to shop in the commissary, where goods were somewhat less expensive than at a civilian market. My pay was also less than the equivalent civilian profession.

A civilian mom who lived upstairs from me once sent her child to ask me for a can of tuna. I supplied them with a can of albacore tuna from a common brand. A few days later, she replaced it with an equal-size can from the same brand, but of lesser quality tuna. The price tag on her can was within a few cents of what I paid for the albacore.

Her action was deliberate. Never again.

GENTLE READER: Your certainty that there was a snub in repaying your kindness with inferior tuna perplexes Miss Manners. Perhaps there is a backstory -- or direct evidence -- you neglected to mention.

But if you are instead just following the newly popular trend of reading ill will into a casual act, are you not being both unkind and illogical? These days, when people seem eager to scream obscenities at passing strangers, who can believe that anyone would take the trouble to be so subtle with an insult?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I are close friends with another couple. We have traveled locally, domestically and internationally with them. We have been on countless outings, and are closer to them than we are to our own families, save our parents.

They are among our truest, dearest friends. Our relationship with them means a great deal to us both, and we cannot imagine not having them as part of our social lives.

We have been informed that the recently engaged sibling of one of them intends to invite us to their wedding. I find this odd. Over the past decade-plus, the number of occasions that we have been around this sibling can be counted on one hand. We have never received any invitations from this person in the past, we have had very few direct interactions with them, and we've never even met the spouse-to-be.

Given the increasing prevalence of gift-grabbing in the guise of group gatherings, I cannot help but think that that is the motivation for including us. I have no interest in attending this wedding, nor in providing a gift.

What is your recommendation for declining an invitation from the sibling of a very dear (and very sensitive) friend? Or should I bite the bullet for the sake of this long-term friendship and spend a day with gritted teeth? Am I obligated to give a gift either way?

GENTLE READER: My goodness. Miss Manners would have thought they told you to walk the plank rather than invite you to their wedding.

If you hate the idea of attending that much, politely decline. But would it not be better for everyone if you assume that the sibling of your dearest friends invited you because they consider you family -- and not as a gift grab?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response when a casual acquaintance tells you that they have been diagnosed with a very serious illness?

This is a person I have no connection to or interest in getting to know better. We merely pass each other in our building while picking up the mail or going to the parking lot.

My reply, as I was rushing to a dental appointment, was, “I’m sorry to hear that. Hope things work out for you.”

What more was I expected to do or say?

GENTLE READER: Nothing. That’s about it for a casual acquaintance. Many people seem to be unable to stop speaking, however, and there are many things you shouldn’t say:

“My uncle Larry had the same thing and he lived to be 90.”

“I’m in bad shape, too; it’s my knee.”

“It’s a matter of positive thinking.”

“Do you trust your doctor?”

“I guess we all have to go sometime.”

“Have you tried changing your diet?”

And so on. The point is to offer sympathy -- because unfortunately, you have nothing else to offer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My neighbor and I had a heated disagreement about trick-or-treating.

We are fortunate to live in a picturesque neighborhood of single-family houses, and our street is popular every Oct. 31. We often get trick-or-treaters from other areas.

Although I like having lots of kids to give treats to, my neighbor says this year, she is refusing to give candy to any “outsiders.” She says these children and their parents are “mooching.”

She actually hopes to get the neighborhood association to ban outsiders that night. At the very least, she will ask each child’s parents to prove they live in the neighborhood.

I think this is ludicrous and against the whole spirit of the carefree holiday. She says she is just correcting poor upbringing. Is she?

GENTLE READER: More like demonstrating it.

Miss Manners is guessing that these children are in your neighborhood because it is safer than theirs -- in terms of foot traffic, at least. But apparently not in terms of kindness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Too often, waiters interrupt conversations between restaurant customers. While I understand that restaurants are not the place to have private or intimate discussions, it is still extremely annoying to be cut off midsentence by questions from waiters that are hardly ever important.

I have tried ignoring them by continuing speaking or listening to my dinner companion to no avail; the waiters just come closer and repeat their intrusive questions. What response or behavior do you suggest in such instances?

GENTLE READER: With all due acknowledgment of the burdens placed on harried waitstaff, this should not be done. Miss Manners suggests the universal signal of wait-a-minute, which is to hold up a finger, flash a quick smile and go on talking.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and his fiancee are insisting that my other son, as a groomsman, shave his mustache. They do not like the way it looks. Is this out of line? My groomsman son is highly offended.

GENTLE READER: Of course he is. It is highly offensive to be told that you are not acceptable as you are.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)