DEAR MISS MANNERS: I started going gray at age 14, so I’ve gotten a lot of comments about my appearance over the last 20 years -- shockingly, ALL from women.

From my friends’ moms (“You’re too young for gray hair!”) to professors (“You should really dye your hair; you look so old”) to strangers on the street, women seem to feel that the sisterhood grants them permission to say whatever they want about how I look. (To be fair, there have been many positive comments, too.)

I used to dye my hair, but stopped during the pandemic lockdown because I didn’t see any point in damaging my hair if hardly anyone would see it. By the time things opened up again, I’d gotten used to not spending my time, energy and money on changing the color of something that’s dead anyway. I don’t want to go back.

I’m married with children, and my husband and kids think that the natural gray actually makes me more beautiful. But in the last few years, I feel I’ve aged significantly, and have become a bit more sensitive about my appearance.

I was out for a walk with my 2-year-old when an elderly woman stopped me to ask whether I was his grandmother! I laughed and told her I’m only in my mid-30s, and she replied with, “But your HAIR!”

Sure, aging is a natural part of life and doesn’t need to be seen negatively. But it would be great if people didn’t assume I was decades older than I am, let alone tell me about it!

What’s a good way to reply when someone takes the liberty of telling me how old my hair makes me look?

GENTLE READER: “Thank you; I’m glad you like it.”

This response is for all the comments, not just the favorable ones. It alerts people to what kind of remarks are acceptable.

Miss Manners finds it strange that the unnatural dyed look is the approved standard. Her dear mother, who was a teacher, observed that children believed that when ladies grew old, their hair turned honey blond.

Please do not be influenced by rude people. Surely it is more important that your husband and children find you beautiful.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please tell me the correct way to eat oysters.

GENTLE READER: Do not believe those who advise you to swallow them whole. That is, unless you want your fellow diners grabbing you from behind, or standing around and desperately trying to remember what they were taught in first-aid class.

Slippery little cusses that they are (the oysters, not your fellow diners), they can be speared with that tiny fork that Miss Manners trusts you were issued. Very large oysters can even be halved with the edge of that fork, although not easily. And no, you cannot use the shell as a spoon except at very informal occasions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young adult who bought a home in one of the highest-cost resort areas of the country -- a purchase that strains me financially, but is well worth it.

While I love my friends and family, I have been astounded by the number of people who came out of the woodwork, asking to come visit, when they learned where I lived. It's been everyone from distant college acquaintances to cousins who rarely spoke to me before. I have lived all over the country, and no one bothered to visit when I lived in Nebraska or Kansas.

Shortly after buying my home, it felt like I was being taken advantage of, and that my living situation was the reason to visit, not spending time with me. I quickly learned to set personal boundaries so my place did not turn into a bunkhouse. But some time has passed, and I am in a better situation to host on occasion.

Still, it is financially burdensome to do so; I would drown if I allowed each friend to visit even once a season. Many friends have asked, and it adds up: My utilities would be unmanageable in this high-cost area. Though it may be awful, I would be more inclined to host if folks offered to chip in for utilities and food, since I would be saving them at least $300 a night for a hotel. But this may seem like I am treating my friends as short-term renters.

I am considering allowing a few friends to stay over for one weekend each, but worry that this will open the floodgates and irritate other friends. I also do not have the interest or the energy to host every weekend.

Is it rude to ask guests to chip in? Thoughts on where to draw the line?

GENTLE READER: Here is a novel idea: You only entertain guests whom you have decided to invite. Repeat after Miss Manners: “It’s my house, and I’m the only person authorized to do the inviting.”

And you may add “... if and when I feel like it.”

Of course, that is never what you should tell others. Rather, people who try to usurp this privilege should be told, in a tone of regret, “Sorry, I’m not doing much entertaining now” (which you will not be, once you unload the self-inviters who were not interested in visiting you elsewhere).

Turning your house into an unauthorized resort is not a solution. If costs are still too much, you can say to your invited guests, "I’d love to have you stay, but I can’t offer meals," and hope that they have the grace to take you out instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am invited to a wedding where the invitation came with a color palette of what to wear.

Is this a new trend? Seems a bit demanding. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That they are demanding that guests act as extras at their extravaganza -- costumed to serve as background scenery.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don’t know what to do about my boyfriend's habit of always canceling plans.

We have been together for a little over three years, and when he does follow through with plans, we have a great time together. The relationship is great otherwise. I have discussed this with him several times, but nothing seems to change.

There are periods of time when he won’t cancel, but then he starts doing it again. I don’t want to leave him, but I also can’t put up with his canceling.

GENTLE READER: If the pattern starts up again, Miss Manners suggests you issue a gentle ultimatum: “You seem to be too busy to see me right now. Please let me know when your schedule eases up and you won’t be compelled to change plans at the last minute. In the meantime, I will assume that you are not available.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Throughout our 54 years together, my husband and I have lived in, and traveled to, many countries, both for pleasure and business. Now, in our dotage, we enjoy cruising because it combines our love of traveling and boats.

When we happened to mention an upcoming cruise to some acquaintances, they unexpectedly purchased tickets for the same cruise. It happened to be a 10-week trip, and we spent the entire 10 weeks trying to dodge them.

We were not successful. They insisted that we dine together, and thus began 10 weeks of their special requests. For example, our waiter spent at least 30 minutes going over the dinner menu, describing exactly what each item was (e.g., sweetbreads) and whether it contained gluten, dairy, etc.

My husband and I have no dietary restrictions, but by the end of the trip, we were being served gluten-free and dairy-free foods just because of our dining companions. Worse, they ignored all the dress codes and were apt to use quite salty language.

Now, they want to cruise with us everywhere. They just found out about an upcoming cruise we are taking, and are actively pursuing tickets. How do we politely and firmly discourage this?

GENTLE READER: “My husband and I are looking forward to traveling alone this time. But we will be sure to let you know if we go on a group cruise in the future.” And then, Miss Manners suggests you keep a tight lid on your plans.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response when an atheist sneezes, instead of "God bless you"? What about people you don't know? I had a lady give me a hard time when she sneezed and I didn’t say "bless you."

GENTLE READER: You could try saying “gesundheit,” but then by your logic, someone might think you were German.

Miss Manners suggests that you try to be less literal about an admittedly nonsensical convention. And if you leave out the God part, consider that no one said it has to be his blessing -- only a considerate human’s.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)