DEAR MISS MANNERS: A while ago, I went through a traumatic experience in my life and was very depressed. I read online about a celebrity who was going through the same experience. Through different social media channels, I began communicating with this person.

We became quick friends and spoke often. I really enjoyed talking with him and looked forward to our chats.

I then realized I was not speaking to who I thought I was, but to someone posing as this person. An online scammer. They usually reel you in and then start asking for money, and sure enough, he asked me about contributing to his personal charity. I told him I wasn’t interested, and that was the end of it. He never brought it up again.

We have now been speaking for several months. The thing is, I have become quite attracted to him. I really enjoy talking to this person, who I feel that I’ve come to know, but he still pretends to be the celebrity (which I’m assuming is his job).

Should I just come out and say that I know he is not that person? Or should I stop talking to him completely? I would really miss talking to him, and I have developed strong feelings for him.

GENTLE READER: Far be it for Miss Manners to discourage a love match, but it seems to her that this “relationship” is anything but that. Do you really want to start a love affair with a lie and/or an accusation?

If you truly cannot help yourself, perhaps you could say, “I really enjoy talking to you, but something seems off. Is there anything you want to tell me?” But if this person continues the farce, Miss Manners encourages you to cut it off. It can only get worse from there.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family celebrates many holidays with a group dinner. Those family members who have the room take turns hosting. The host provides the main dish and a few sides, and everyone else contributes something to the meal.

This has worked fine up until a few years ago. My niece and her husband bring containers from home to fill with leftovers, even loading their plates with more than they could possibly eat so that that food can be taken home, too.

This year, I am hosting, and plan to offer a meat-based meal. My niece and her husband are vegetarians, so they will only be able to eat the entree I prepare separately for them.

How can the hosts address this issue in the future without appearing rude or mean? The couple has more than enough resources to support themselves.

GENTLE READER: Your solution is clever, if a bit devious and indirect. If you want to be more forthright -- or if you tire of cooking all that meat -- when the couple breaks out the containers, Miss Manners suggests you say, “Oh, we have plans for those leftovers, but please enjoy all you like while you are here.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just started a new job, and a group text chat was created for us to communicate about our shift availability. However, employees have begun using this chat for small talk.

I can’t simply mute it, because I might miss important work information. They’re all wonderful people, but I don’t want my phone blowing up! How do I communicate this politely and without hurting feelings?

GENTLE READER: As this is now a terribly common problem with a commonly terrible solution, Miss Manners is happy to offer a polite one.

The typical solution is to berate co-workers for misusing the channel, which is impolite, hurts everyone’s feelings and does not work.

A better solution requires more patience. Create a second group text chat for personal matters -- feigning interest in such matters if you have to -- and direct personal matters there. Repeat your instructions as often as necessary. You can then mute the second channel.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was raised to believe it is rude to point, especially in public. When I was married, my spouse had a habit of pointing, whether in a crowded room or on the street.

I tried to gently suggest that the action was rude, but he was adamant that no such rule existed. I have looked for support in etiquette books and have come up empty-handed.

For my own piece of mind, what is your opinion on this?

GENTLE READER: You are, in general, correct. But as you were kind enough to give fair warning that your interest is not disinterested, Miss Manners will add that there are exceptions -- such as pointing at the truck speeding towards your former spouse as you warn him to get out of the way. Should you be so inclined.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I invited two other couples to dinner. Both couples immediately accepted the invitation, but informed me of the following: One guest is on a low-salt diet and is trying to cut out sugar. Another is avoiding gluten and dairy. The third said he doesn’t eat meat, and the fourth is allergic to fish. What do I do?

GENTLE READER: This is what happens when we listen to the crowd who insists we dispense with etiquette because it exalts form over substance. They justify themselves by citing a mythical time when guests were barred from alerting hosts to serious medical conditions -- and were presumably then wheeled off to the emergency room during dessert.

Good hosts have always wanted their guests to survive the evening. They also want guests to enjoy themselves. And good guests, for their part, never wanted to put their hosts to unnecessary trouble.

In your case, Miss Manners has no hesitation in recommending you provide alternatives for the vegetarian, the guest with a fish allergy, and even the one on a diet.

It is the guests who are merely "avoiding" things that baffle her. The simplest solution may be to describe the proposed meal in advance in the hopes of finding out if these avoidances stem from serious conditions -- or if the guests are merely repeating doctor’s instructions that they have no intention of following.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a dinner party, the hostess had set a lovely table with flowers and candles. I complimented her on the setting.

Later, as dinner started, I found the flowers blocking my view of the guest across from me, preventing any potential conversation. I was interested in talking with this guest, so I asked the hostess if we could move the tall flowers so we could see each other. (Some beautiful, shorter flowers and tall candles remained on the table.)

She moved them, but muttered loud enough for everyone to hear that she had set a beautiful table and I was ruining the look. It was very embarrassing, but I thanked her for moving them and didn’t say anything else.

Later, my husband told me I shouldn’t have said anything. I felt I handled it appropriately and the host should have been more gracious.

GENTLE READER: If your husband was suggesting you did anything wrong, Miss Manners will disagree.

But perhaps he was merely suggesting that, since you both know your hostess, her reaction was predictable: You were lucky she did not lower the level of the flowers by emptying the vase into your lap.

If it happens again, you could repeat your compliment of the flowers when asking that they be moved, or perhaps get a firm grip on them as you make the request.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Someone asked me to confirm something, but I don’t want to because it’s a personal matter. I don’t want to deny it and lie, but neither do I want to admit it’s true, because it’s too personal.

It seems that if I deflect or don’t answer directly, they will still take the avoidance as a "yes." What can I say?

GENTLE READER: “No.”

Avoidance -- or its more persistent cousin, procrastination -- often leads to confirmation bias. Your friend wants you to confirm something, and, if given no evidence to the contrary, will decide that you have.

Miss Manners suggests that a kind, firm “no” would be more clear for everyone involved.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who has mentioned on a few occasions that she can’t attend certain work-related functions because she has a grown son with special needs, and has to get home to him.

Since she has mentioned it a few times, I think she is OK talking about it. How do I ask her about her son without prying?

GENTLE READER: The natural time to ask would be immediately after the son is mentioned in connection with one of the invitations.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My work friend has asked me to lunch a few times, but I just can’t afford to go out. I don’t want to assume she is treating me, but I also don’t want to discuss my financial situation. I have made excuses but hate to continue to do so.

GENTLE READER: Then accept without discussing your financial situation -- or requiring anyone to pay. Say that you have been bringing lunch to work, and that if she wants to do the same, you would enjoy eating with her.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)