DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I like to entertain, and we have the means to do so regularly. We often invite neighbors over, but we omit one specific neighbor (whom we see regularly) because he is very vocal about his political opinions. We try our best to keep our social events lighthearted and fun.

I feel bad that we haven’t invited this neighbor, and I’m sure he notices that he is left out. Is there a way to tell him that he’d be welcome if he kept his political opinions to himself? We run into him frequently, and it has become awkward.

GENTLE READER: More awkward than telling him that he is welcome in your house only if he can keep his opinions to himself?

Never mind. Even if Miss Manners were able to concoct such a plan, it would not work. You should be able to choose whom you do -- or do not -- like, and with whom you wish to socialize. But the chances that someone who is insensible to the problem would prove any more acceptable were he to confine his conversation to nonpolitical topics make this not worth pursuing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was in college, a friend’s family graciously opened their home to me for a couple of months while I worked a summer job near their home, which was an hour from my family’s.

I did my best to treat their home as respectfully as my parents’ home, and at the end of summer, I gave them what I could afford out of my earnings for their kindness.

During one evening meal, I was enjoying some garden tomatoes that the lady of the house had provided. She interrupted the meal -- loudly, but with a smile intended to soften the blow -- saying, “Uh-oh! Looks like somebody wasn’t taught to eat their tomatoes with a fork and knife!”

I was momentarily confused, because I had indeed not been taught this, nor did I know it was expected. I immediately complied, and have eaten tomatoes properly ever since. I know that her direction was correct, and I learned a valuable etiquette lesson.

I just imagine that, prior to that evening, she must have endured my boorish manners with horror, and handled it as best she could. Hopefully, she at least knew by my expression that I acted from ignorance rather than inconsideration.

Because I value that life lesson, yet also remember the embarrassment, how should I handle it if something similar occurs with my children’s friends?

GENTLE READER: Useful though the lesson may have proved, Miss Manners reminds you that correcting another person’s manners is, as a rule, rude.

Your friend’s mother was availing herself of the exception for parents and those acting in their place. But applying it to someone of college age was a stretch -- and doing it in front of the family was not nearly as gracious as you now characterize it to be.

Better to give any instruction later, in private, and to limit yourself to transgressions of major import and to ones you feel will be well received.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My siblings and I (all of us in our 40s and 50s) have had a strained relationship over the past few years, for various reasons. Last year, my youngest sister told us all via email that she would still make an effort to come to family gatherings, but that we would not see her son or her husband.

Shortly after that, she asked that we no longer communicate with her or her family. I understood that they needed to do what is best for them, and have had no contact with them since that time.

Imagine my surprise when I just opened an invitation to her son’s wedding, with the RSVP addressed to her. My siblings also received invitations.

While I would love to see my nephew on his wedding day, I do not want to get my hopes up for a rekindled family relationship, as that still appears out of the question. Perhaps the invitation was sent as a sort of olive branch, but the lack of any additional communication makes me question that. Or it could have been sent as a courtesy, with no expectation for us to attend.

How do I tactfully reach out to my sister and express my concerns without driving a further wedge in the relationship?

GENTLE READER: There is an etiquette for everything, which includes severing relations.

Last year, your sister seems to have been empowered to speak on behalf of her son. That may no longer be the case. Although the unexpected wedding invitation confuses matters, Miss Manners assumes that it is not technically from your sister -- that the hosts are probably either the bride’s parents or your nephew and his fiancee.

Still, it is a communication involving her family, which she cannot reasonably expect you to ignore. If you do hope this is an olive branch, then the way to approach it is to write to your sister first, telling her that you received an invitation and that you plan to accept it. This way, if she means to do something horrid -- like rescind the invitation -- you will get notice before you send the formal acceptance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who talks about plans she and I have together in front of others who are not invited. She also tells people they can’t sit with us at lunch, because she wants her handpicked group at the table.

I know that correcting her manners would be rude. Do you have a suggestion of how to let her know I don’t want to be a party to this without being rude myself?

GENTLE READER: You cannot correct her directly, but as you are duty-bound to avoid being party to her rudeness, she will learn.

The discussions of future plans should be silenced by changing the subject -- gently, if possible. “Let’s talk about it later” should suffice.

Miss Manners recognizes that contradicting her in-the-moment seating decrees will be more difficult. As holding seats is not unreasonable in all circumstances, you will have to judge when to countermand her -- and when it will be preferable to arrive late yourself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother-in-law just informed us, very last-minute, that he’s coming to our house for Christmas. Whenever he visits, he sleeps until around 10.

My husband and I have three children, ages 8, 3 and 8 months. Should we have the children wait to open gifts until their uncle is awake, talk to him about waking earlier since it is Christmas, or just let the kids open gifts before their uncle is up?

I don’t think he’d have any issue with us not waiting for him.

GENTLE READER: Then why are you considering torturing young children and turning them against their uncle?

Miss Manners suggests only the courtesy of telling your brother-in-law that the children will be opening their presents at 7, if they can wait even that long, but that he is welcome to sleep in.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I attend his parents’ Christmas Eve celebration every year. It begins around 4 p.m., and we usually head home around 9 p.m. They put out deli meats, rolls and a small bowl of nuts.

People always bring different things to add to the meal. I usually make a pasta dish or meatballs. Every year, whatever we bring is devoured!

This year, my father-in-law mentioned that they always have so much food left over, and that they don’t want people to bring anything. I’m torn between bringing food anyway, as it's always eaten, or following their wishes and being hungry for the evening.

GENTLE READER: Your father-in-law’s instruction and the reasoning behind it seem clear to Miss Manners. Why are you considering violating it?

Ah, yes, so you don’t go hungry. If what is offered is not enough, surely you can eat before you attend.

But perhaps that hunger is for the appreciation others show for the dishes you bring. Fair enough, although still not an excuse for going against the host’s expressed wish.

But you will be gratified: Someone is bound to say, “You didn’t bring your wonderful pasta dish? I look forward to that all year.” With any luck, this might be said within your father-in-law’s hearing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother and I bought a home together some years ago (I've never married, and he is divorced). Christmas cards, invitations and whatnot meant for both of us often come addressed to “John and Jim Doe.”

This seems to indicate that we are a couple. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to address the envelope with “John Doe and Jim Doe”?

I’m not a prude, and we both get a chuckle out of the apparent faux pas, but am I right about how a letter should be addressed?

GENTLE READER: Far be it from Miss Manners to discourage a chuckle, but pairing the names of siblings at the same address, without the least thought of there being any other relationship, is traditional. Only it would have been, properly, “The Messrs. John and Jim Doe.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)