DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the mother of a trans man who transitioned in his 30s. When people I haven’t seen for a while ask about my daughter, I of course tell them that he is now a man.

I’ve been asked what surgeries he has had, and several people have even asked me if he has a penis! I was so surprised the first time this happened that I was speechless, and then I said, “I don’t actually know.”

I am not sure how to respond the next time.

GENTLE READER: “I do not talk about my child’s private parts.”

You could add, “Nor would you, I hope,” but Miss Manners fears that someone who is brazen enough to ask might be all too ready to share.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Like so many others, I have a mother-in-law whom I can only tolerate for short periods of time. For context, my significant other and I live together and are basically married, except for the piece of paper. And this woman is his stepmom, not his biological mom.

She kisses my boyfriend on the lips when saying hello or goodbye. I am not comfortable with that at all. I’ve told my boyfriend that it bothers me, but he tends to forget.

She also asks my 2-year-old grandbaby to kiss her on the lips -- again, something I don’t think is appropriate. He’s at the age where we are trying to teach him that he doesn’t have to kiss and hug people if he doesn't want to. Especially the kissing. That is for his immediate family, which she is not.

She once brought him into the bathroom with her while she used it -- totally unacceptable! I don’t even let him come in with me, and I’m his grandma. How do you suggest handling this?

GENTLE READER: There are two issues here, it seems to Miss Manners, and she is only prepared to back you up on one of them.

Lip-kissing those who do not want it is unacceptable. Certainly, you do not need to partake, but if your boyfriend is OK with it, that is his choice. You can only continue to express your discomfort and hope that he will eventually remember.

As for your grandson, teaching him to create his own boundaries will enable him to soon make the decision for himself. That is likely all that you can do.

But you seem to have another agenda, which weakens your case -- namely, making this more about the fact that the woman is not biologically related to your boyfriend or your grandson. You do not mention the longevity of the relationship, but the stepmother and your boyfriend may well consider her an established member of the family.

For that matter, she may believe that, as a de facto grandparent, she is within her rights to help with potty training. That you find this kind of intimacy unsavory is valid, but you must make it egalitarian. There are plenty of cases where blood relatives are equally out of bounds. The real issue is consent, not family hierarchy.

In other words, unwanted kissing is a strong enough issue on its own. Do not weaken it by suggesting that there is, ahem, a pecking order to its suitability.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I like to entertain, and we have the means to do so regularly. We often invite neighbors over, but we omit one specific neighbor (whom we see regularly) because he is very vocal about his political opinions. We try our best to keep our social events lighthearted and fun.

I feel bad that we haven’t invited this neighbor, and I’m sure he notices that he is left out. Is there a way to tell him that he’d be welcome if he kept his political opinions to himself? We run into him frequently, and it has become awkward.

GENTLE READER: More awkward than telling him that he is welcome in your house only if he can keep his opinions to himself?

Never mind. Even if Miss Manners were able to concoct such a plan, it would not work. You should be able to choose whom you do -- or do not -- like, and with whom you wish to socialize. But the chances that someone who is insensible to the problem would prove any more acceptable were he to confine his conversation to nonpolitical topics make this not worth pursuing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was in college, a friend’s family graciously opened their home to me for a couple of months while I worked a summer job near their home, which was an hour from my family’s.

I did my best to treat their home as respectfully as my parents’ home, and at the end of summer, I gave them what I could afford out of my earnings for their kindness.

During one evening meal, I was enjoying some garden tomatoes that the lady of the house had provided. She interrupted the meal -- loudly, but with a smile intended to soften the blow -- saying, “Uh-oh! Looks like somebody wasn’t taught to eat their tomatoes with a fork and knife!”

I was momentarily confused, because I had indeed not been taught this, nor did I know it was expected. I immediately complied, and have eaten tomatoes properly ever since. I know that her direction was correct, and I learned a valuable etiquette lesson.

I just imagine that, prior to that evening, she must have endured my boorish manners with horror, and handled it as best she could. Hopefully, she at least knew by my expression that I acted from ignorance rather than inconsideration.

Because I value that life lesson, yet also remember the embarrassment, how should I handle it if something similar occurs with my children’s friends?

GENTLE READER: Useful though the lesson may have proved, Miss Manners reminds you that correcting another person’s manners is, as a rule, rude.

Your friend’s mother was availing herself of the exception for parents and those acting in their place. But applying it to someone of college age was a stretch -- and doing it in front of the family was not nearly as gracious as you now characterize it to be.

Better to give any instruction later, in private, and to limit yourself to transgressions of major import and to ones you feel will be well received.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My siblings and I (all of us in our 40s and 50s) have had a strained relationship over the past few years, for various reasons. Last year, my youngest sister told us all via email that she would still make an effort to come to family gatherings, but that we would not see her son or her husband.

Shortly after that, she asked that we no longer communicate with her or her family. I understood that they needed to do what is best for them, and have had no contact with them since that time.

Imagine my surprise when I just opened an invitation to her son’s wedding, with the RSVP addressed to her. My siblings also received invitations.

While I would love to see my nephew on his wedding day, I do not want to get my hopes up for a rekindled family relationship, as that still appears out of the question. Perhaps the invitation was sent as a sort of olive branch, but the lack of any additional communication makes me question that. Or it could have been sent as a courtesy, with no expectation for us to attend.

How do I tactfully reach out to my sister and express my concerns without driving a further wedge in the relationship?

GENTLE READER: There is an etiquette for everything, which includes severing relations.

Last year, your sister seems to have been empowered to speak on behalf of her son. That may no longer be the case. Although the unexpected wedding invitation confuses matters, Miss Manners assumes that it is not technically from your sister -- that the hosts are probably either the bride’s parents or your nephew and his fiancee.

Still, it is a communication involving her family, which she cannot reasonably expect you to ignore. If you do hope this is an olive branch, then the way to approach it is to write to your sister first, telling her that you received an invitation and that you plan to accept it. This way, if she means to do something horrid -- like rescind the invitation -- you will get notice before you send the formal acceptance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who talks about plans she and I have together in front of others who are not invited. She also tells people they can’t sit with us at lunch, because she wants her handpicked group at the table.

I know that correcting her manners would be rude. Do you have a suggestion of how to let her know I don’t want to be a party to this without being rude myself?

GENTLE READER: You cannot correct her directly, but as you are duty-bound to avoid being party to her rudeness, she will learn.

The discussions of future plans should be silenced by changing the subject -- gently, if possible. “Let’s talk about it later” should suffice.

Miss Manners recognizes that contradicting her in-the-moment seating decrees will be more difficult. As holding seats is not unreasonable in all circumstances, you will have to judge when to countermand her -- and when it will be preferable to arrive late yourself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)