DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a long train journey to work each day, and I always gravitate towards the “quiet carriage.” But invariably, there are some passengers who believe the rules have no application to them.

They believe that they, for no blindingly obvious reason, sit above and outside the rules. They carry on loud, pointless conversations as though no one can hear them. There are others who eat loudly, and still others who have yet to be introduced to the humble tissue or handkerchief.

And don’t even get me started on all those filthy coughers, who clearly learned nothing from the pandemic.

What can I say to these utterly shameless rule-breakers? I want to enforce the rules and basic standards.

And before you suggest it: Yes, I have noise-canceling headphones. They help, but don’t fully remove the endless sniffing, hacking and talking.

GENTLE READER: A polite, whispered, “Excuse me, but I believe this is the quiet car” or a point to the sign -- or even asking the ticket taker to help, if one happens to walk by -- are acceptable ways to address loud talking.

But for those who sniff or cough, Miss Manners can only suggest you offer them a tissue -- and some sympathy for the fact that they are probably not doing this solely to annoy you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always been the person to plan fun events for my friends. In retirement, my husband and I have moved to a golf community in a new state, and I’ve continued to organize outings -- from just a few friends going to lunch, to large holiday outings for ladies only. (My husband is not well and does not care to socialize, so I don’t plan couples events.)

Some women are always happy to attend, but never reciprocate. I’m thinking of no longer inviting those women, and wonder what I should say if they ask why they were not invited.

Years ago, a friend remarked that I hadn’t called her to do anything that winter, and I replied, “The phone works both ways.” Apparently, that was too harsh. Any more subtle replies?

GENTLE READER: For that years-ago comment: “I assumed since I hadn’t heard from you that you were busy this season.”

As for your current situation, omitting those women from future outings seems reasonable to Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an old and very dear friend. We have known each other for over 40 years, and although we live thousands of miles apart, we get together a couple of times a year.

My friend is extremely wealthy, while I am middle-class. She has sent me a huge check to help me out with some of my family’s difficulties. How do I respectfully return this?

GENTLE READER: “You are such a dear to offer to help out, but I cannot accept your money. I will, however, continue to depend upon you for emotional support, if I may. In fact, let us plan our next get-together. It would cheer me immensely.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the mother of a trans man who transitioned in his 30s. When people I haven’t seen for a while ask about my daughter, I of course tell them that he is now a man.

I’ve been asked what surgeries he has had, and several people have even asked me if he has a penis! I was so surprised the first time this happened that I was speechless, and then I said, “I don’t actually know.”

I am not sure how to respond the next time.

GENTLE READER: “I do not talk about my child’s private parts.”

You could add, “Nor would you, I hope,” but Miss Manners fears that someone who is brazen enough to ask might be all too ready to share.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Like so many others, I have a mother-in-law whom I can only tolerate for short periods of time. For context, my significant other and I live together and are basically married, except for the piece of paper. And this woman is his stepmom, not his biological mom.

She kisses my boyfriend on the lips when saying hello or goodbye. I am not comfortable with that at all. I’ve told my boyfriend that it bothers me, but he tends to forget.

She also asks my 2-year-old grandbaby to kiss her on the lips -- again, something I don’t think is appropriate. He’s at the age where we are trying to teach him that he doesn’t have to kiss and hug people if he doesn't want to. Especially the kissing. That is for his immediate family, which she is not.

She once brought him into the bathroom with her while she used it -- totally unacceptable! I don’t even let him come in with me, and I’m his grandma. How do you suggest handling this?

GENTLE READER: There are two issues here, it seems to Miss Manners, and she is only prepared to back you up on one of them.

Lip-kissing those who do not want it is unacceptable. Certainly, you do not need to partake, but if your boyfriend is OK with it, that is his choice. You can only continue to express your discomfort and hope that he will eventually remember.

As for your grandson, teaching him to create his own boundaries will enable him to soon make the decision for himself. That is likely all that you can do.

But you seem to have another agenda, which weakens your case -- namely, making this more about the fact that the woman is not biologically related to your boyfriend or your grandson. You do not mention the longevity of the relationship, but the stepmother and your boyfriend may well consider her an established member of the family.

For that matter, she may believe that, as a de facto grandparent, she is within her rights to help with potty training. That you find this kind of intimacy unsavory is valid, but you must make it egalitarian. There are plenty of cases where blood relatives are equally out of bounds. The real issue is consent, not family hierarchy.

In other words, unwanted kissing is a strong enough issue on its own. Do not weaken it by suggesting that there is, ahem, a pecking order to its suitability.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I like to entertain, and we have the means to do so regularly. We often invite neighbors over, but we omit one specific neighbor (whom we see regularly) because he is very vocal about his political opinions. We try our best to keep our social events lighthearted and fun.

I feel bad that we haven’t invited this neighbor, and I’m sure he notices that he is left out. Is there a way to tell him that he’d be welcome if he kept his political opinions to himself? We run into him frequently, and it has become awkward.

GENTLE READER: More awkward than telling him that he is welcome in your house only if he can keep his opinions to himself?

Never mind. Even if Miss Manners were able to concoct such a plan, it would not work. You should be able to choose whom you do -- or do not -- like, and with whom you wish to socialize. But the chances that someone who is insensible to the problem would prove any more acceptable were he to confine his conversation to nonpolitical topics make this not worth pursuing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was in college, a friend’s family graciously opened their home to me for a couple of months while I worked a summer job near their home, which was an hour from my family’s.

I did my best to treat their home as respectfully as my parents’ home, and at the end of summer, I gave them what I could afford out of my earnings for their kindness.

During one evening meal, I was enjoying some garden tomatoes that the lady of the house had provided. She interrupted the meal -- loudly, but with a smile intended to soften the blow -- saying, “Uh-oh! Looks like somebody wasn’t taught to eat their tomatoes with a fork and knife!”

I was momentarily confused, because I had indeed not been taught this, nor did I know it was expected. I immediately complied, and have eaten tomatoes properly ever since. I know that her direction was correct, and I learned a valuable etiquette lesson.

I just imagine that, prior to that evening, she must have endured my boorish manners with horror, and handled it as best she could. Hopefully, she at least knew by my expression that I acted from ignorance rather than inconsideration.

Because I value that life lesson, yet also remember the embarrassment, how should I handle it if something similar occurs with my children’s friends?

GENTLE READER: Useful though the lesson may have proved, Miss Manners reminds you that correcting another person’s manners is, as a rule, rude.

Your friend’s mother was availing herself of the exception for parents and those acting in their place. But applying it to someone of college age was a stretch -- and doing it in front of the family was not nearly as gracious as you now characterize it to be.

Better to give any instruction later, in private, and to limit yourself to transgressions of major import and to ones you feel will be well received.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)