DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was watching a soap opera and one of the characters, a very proper lady, answered her granddaughter’s question with food in her mouth. She did tuck the food into her cheek, and kept her mouth as closed as possible.

I actually find that acceptable -- more so than making her granddaughter wait for a response while she chewed and swallowed. But I’m curious as to Miss Manners’ opinion.

GENTLE READER: In Miss Manners’ opinion, Frederick Winslow Taylor, the efficiency theorist, was more entertaining as a subject of derision in “The Pajama Game” than he is nowadays -- when no one remembers his name, yet everyone believes with religious certainty that efficiency is more important than manners or morals.

No, Miss Manners would prefer that Grandmama take the handful of seconds to swallow what is in her mouth before answering. And that the granddaughter would have the respect and patience to wait.

She herself would have used those seconds in the entertaining pastime of wondering why television (and film and theater) actors and directors spend so much time learning about lighting and costuming, and so little learning about manners, which she believes are even more central to portraying a convincing character.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I disagree on appropriate dinner conversation topics. I feel it is inappropriate to discuss someone’s illness or medical procedures at dinner. Whether dining in or out, I do not think discussing someone's physical health or medical history is conducive to enjoying a fine meal.

GENTLE READER: You may tell your wife that Miss Manners agrees with you -- but that she will make an exception for your wife, and presumably her fellow surgeons, to discuss their patients to their hearts’ content over lunch in the hospital cafeteria.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been married to my husband for eight years. While I am kind and conversational with his mother, he completely ignores mine.

He has never called her by her first name, or any familiar nickname like “Mom.” When we visit my mother, he walks past her without a word. He sometimes cooks for me and the children during a visit, but refuses to cook for my mom. If he goes to the store, he won’t ask if she would like him to bring something back.

His rudeness is rubbing off on the children. My 7-year-old daughter even told my mother, “Dad doesn’t like you.”

I know why that statement is true, but I personally feel like there is still no good reason to be socially rude.

I feel caught in the middle, making excuses like "He’s tired," or something like that. I think he should not visit my mother with the children and me anymore. I can’t think of another solution.

GENTLE READER: One cannot help noticing that while you know why your husband so dislikes your mother, you do not share his reasons -- nor, it seems, do you consider his feelings unjustified.

She did something bad enough that you understand his behavior; you merely seek a modus vivendi. Miss Manners agrees that keeping your husband and mother apart is, sad to say, the correct answer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an older home with just one bathroom. I make sure that all personal products are off the counter when we have guests, but we’ve still had people snoop in the medicine cabinet and in the cupboard under the sink.

My teenaged nephew once commented loudly about finding laxatives in the medicine cabinet. Another time, he talked about finding a large box of tampons under the sink.

My sister-in-law, his mother, was angry at me and said we shouldn’t have embarrassing things that guests could find. Should we be editing our medicine cabinet in case guests snoop?

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners has heard of a more effective solution, please do not say you got it from her.

The idea is to overload (some might say "booby-trap") the medicine cabinet before your snooping relatives arrive, so that when it is opened, things come tumbling out.

Alerted by the noise, you can then confront your nephew by asking sympathetically, and publicly, “Noah, dear, what were you looking for? Do you have a problem? Do you need some laxatives?”

Yes, this would take some work on your part. But you need only do it once.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This year, I sent out Christmas cards as I did last year, to mostly the same group of people. I didn’t hear back from anyone who received my cards -- not a "thank you" or a "Merry Christmas" or anything.

Last year, I received a card back from almost everyone I sent one to; this year, I received one return card out of 30. I’m really confused by this, and I might not send them out again next year.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, fewer people seem to be sending Christmas cards. But rather than feeling hurt (yes, yes, Miss Manners noticed that you only said “confused”), you should consider some of the reasons.

The idea behind this charming custom was to keep minimally in touch with people one might not otherwise see during the year. True, there were those who distributed cards to everyone they knew, but that could still be charming -- especially to those who liked to string the cards across the living room or tuck them into the venetian blinds.

Nowadays, everyone keeps in constant touch -- not just with everyone they know, but with as many people as possible whom they don’t know. Perhaps social media posts are mostly people talking about themselves, rather than greeting others, but so are many Christmas cards and letters.

In considering what to do next year, you might want to return to the basic standard of greetings. If the people on your list touch base with you in other ways during the year, they want to keep up the contact and likely appreciate your cards -- even if they don’t send cards themselves.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite way to deal with those relatives who constantly tease you, make fun of you and remind you of the stupid, mean things you did when you were young?

Naturally enough, I avoid these relatives whenever possible. But there are inevitably two or three occasions every year when I am in their presence.

I have tried to laugh good-naturedly at these "jokes," but as the years go by, their barbs seem less and less humorous and more mean-spirited. I did once confront one of them privately, just to be told I was “too sensitive.” Although you could say I love these people, I don’t really like them anymore, and already I am dreading the next family function.

Since I have been dealing with this for decades now, I suppose I can continue to laugh and pretend it doesn’t bother me, but I am wondering if there is a polite, Miss Manners-approved way to respond.

GENTLE READER: Didn’t being sensitive used to be a virtue, not a fault? And insensitivity, such as haranguing others with the same tiresome criticisms, a fault?

No wonder you do not like these people whom you love.

Miss Manners begs you to stop laughing. Sure, they ought to be able to see that your laughter is strained, but they are insensitive, remember?

Instead of laughing, say, “Please give all that a rest. I don’t find it amusing.” This will, of course, bring on that charge of your being “too sensitive,” to which Miss Manners suggests that you reply, “Yes, I am sensitive. So please stop.”

And perhaps, if there are repeats, “You know you’re stepping on my sensitivity, right?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am currently in the market for an evening tailcoat. Of the several I have found, some have a notched lapel, while others have a peaked lapel.

Which is more proper for a white-tie function? Which is historically correct -- or are they both acceptable?

GENTLE READER: Peaked lapels.

Miss Manners congratulates you on having been invited to a splendid New Year’s Eve party -- or perhaps on your new job as the conductor of a symphony orchestra. Or as a headwaiter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is still good friends with her ex-boyfriend. We never met the ex’s parents. For Christmas, they gifted us with lots of expensive candies and chocolates.

We do not want a relationship with them, and receiving the gifts was awkward. I wrote them a short and sweet thank-you note.

Is this enough? I don’t want to be rude, but if I give them something in return, that might open the door to a relationship that we are not looking for.

GENTLE READER: Are you quite sure that nobody else involved is hoping for a relationship? Not just the parents -- which seems likely, from their approach -- but their son? And perhaps even your daughter?

Miss Manners is not suggesting that you need to enter into a mutual exchange of presents. Thanking them is, indeed, enough. However, you might inject a tiny bit of warmth into that note, just in case.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)