DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m looking for your advice on how to handle a recurring issue: people taking advantage of my kindness and my cooking skills.

While I understand that not everyone is comfortable cooking, I believe they could still offer to help with other kitchen tasks. Unfortunately, some do nothing at all and simply enjoy the food I’ve bought and prepared whenever they are over, extending their stay into lunch or dinner.

How can I kindly ask them to contribute, either by cooking their own food or helping out in some other way, without making things awkward?

GENTLE READER: Forgive Miss Manners, but isn’t “doing nothing at all and simply enjoying the food you’ve bought and prepared” called hospitality?

She has so many letters begging guests not to meddle in the kitchen that she is confused at your wanting them to cook their own food in yours.

She does agree that inviting oneself to lunch or dinner afterward is an overstep. To that, you may politely say, “I am afraid I have other plans for those meals” -- even if those plans include cleaning up the mess they made from eating so much of your food.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My aunt gave me a generous gift, and I wrote her a letter in thanks. She said she loved my letter and hopes I will write her again this fall.

Should I dutifully send another letter, or is there a way I can suggest that writing me back might increase the quality and quantity of my letters to her?

GENTLE READER: You could help prompt her by writing a letter that asks a lot of questions and concludes with, “I do so look forward to receiving your answers.” Then, Miss Manners assures you, it will be clear that it is her turn.

True, it commits you to an ongoing correspondence -- but one with a gracious and generous aunt.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who sneezes a lot. When she does, someone is always quick to say “God bless you!”

I did not grow up being taught to say this, or anything else, when someone sneezes. So when she and I are alone and she sneezes, I say nothing. Am I being rude?

GENTLE READER: Your co-worker no doubt thinks so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in a regular walking group where I have become friends with about a third of the walkers. The rest I’m polite with, but consider them acquaintances only.

I host an annual party at my home for my friends. I send out private email invitations, and don’t discuss the event during the walks.

One of the walkers, a rather clingy person whom I consider only an acquaintance, told me she heard I was having a party, and invited herself. I couldn’t say no. She’s a decent person, but we have nothing in common.

What can I say in the future to avoid accepting self-inviting party crashers?

GENTLE READER: Treat it as you would a wedding: “It’s only a small group this year, but I look forward to catching up with you on our walks.” Miss Manners suggests you also remind your invited friends not to issue unauthorized invitations or advertise the party on those walks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 21 years old, and I have worked in assorted venues of customer service since I was 17. I am currently employed at a bank, and frequently a customer will ask a question to which I do not know the answer.

This requires me to leave the service area and ask my supervisor. Is it proper to say to my supervisor, “This lady (or gentleman) wanted to know ...”?

The reason I ask is that referring to the person in question as “this lady” or “this gentleman” feels awkward and vaguely condescending to me, and I am not sure how it feels to the customers.

GENTLE READER: You are concerned about the formality, but using the third person about someone within earshot always feels awkward, whoever is speaking. And some will take issue with gender, as well.

Before anyone suggests to Miss Manners that you stab a finger in the poor customer’s general direction, she will suggest that “this customer” is a perfectly serviceable alternative.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a wonderful periodontist who has saved my smile. He is professional, charming and gentle.

His front desk manager is rude, repellent and very unprofessional. It is to the point where I dread going into the office and having to deal with that person. I feel I should inform the doctor about the behavior of his staff, but am uncertain how to.

GENTLE READER: This is not so very hard, and will be a chance to use that smile.

Be apologetic, factual and unemotional: You are giving an employer necessary information to use in the operation of his business. You are not blaming him, nor are you telling him how to run his office. And you are, of course, repeating your gratitude for his own services.

Miss Manners understands your concern that you are setting him up for uncomfortable future conversations with his employee, but assures you that those were going to happen eventually, with or without you. Your intervention may make them go more smoothly, because he will have more information -- and they may happen sooner, before he has lost more business due to this individual’s behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a lifelong hospitality worker, and consider myself a great greeter in any scenario. A few years ago, at a new place of work, the phrase “Welcome in” was used as the standard greeting.

It sounded off to me, and somehow did not make sense. Since then, I have noticed the phrase “Welcome in” used more and more, with the same natural manner, as if this has always been the standard greeting -- which I am certain it has not.

Is this a new, viral expression of hospitality? Or am I wrong, and my customer-service-battered brain has deleted this information?

GENTLE READER: It sounds to Miss Manners as if someone at this place of work passed through a German-speaking country and misunderstood what was being said.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was watching a soap opera and one of the characters, a very proper lady, answered her granddaughter’s question with food in her mouth. She did tuck the food into her cheek, and kept her mouth as closed as possible.

I actually find that acceptable -- more so than making her granddaughter wait for a response while she chewed and swallowed. But I’m curious as to Miss Manners’ opinion.

GENTLE READER: In Miss Manners’ opinion, Frederick Winslow Taylor, the efficiency theorist, was more entertaining as a subject of derision in “The Pajama Game” than he is nowadays -- when no one remembers his name, yet everyone believes with religious certainty that efficiency is more important than manners or morals.

No, Miss Manners would prefer that Grandmama take the handful of seconds to swallow what is in her mouth before answering. And that the granddaughter would have the respect and patience to wait.

She herself would have used those seconds in the entertaining pastime of wondering why television (and film and theater) actors and directors spend so much time learning about lighting and costuming, and so little learning about manners, which she believes are even more central to portraying a convincing character.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I disagree on appropriate dinner conversation topics. I feel it is inappropriate to discuss someone’s illness or medical procedures at dinner. Whether dining in or out, I do not think discussing someone's physical health or medical history is conducive to enjoying a fine meal.

GENTLE READER: You may tell your wife that Miss Manners agrees with you -- but that she will make an exception for your wife, and presumably her fellow surgeons, to discuss their patients to their hearts’ content over lunch in the hospital cafeteria.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been married to my husband for eight years. While I am kind and conversational with his mother, he completely ignores mine.

He has never called her by her first name, or any familiar nickname like “Mom.” When we visit my mother, he walks past her without a word. He sometimes cooks for me and the children during a visit, but refuses to cook for my mom. If he goes to the store, he won’t ask if she would like him to bring something back.

His rudeness is rubbing off on the children. My 7-year-old daughter even told my mother, “Dad doesn’t like you.”

I know why that statement is true, but I personally feel like there is still no good reason to be socially rude.

I feel caught in the middle, making excuses like "He’s tired," or something like that. I think he should not visit my mother with the children and me anymore. I can’t think of another solution.

GENTLE READER: One cannot help noticing that while you know why your husband so dislikes your mother, you do not share his reasons -- nor, it seems, do you consider his feelings unjustified.

She did something bad enough that you understand his behavior; you merely seek a modus vivendi. Miss Manners agrees that keeping your husband and mother apart is, sad to say, the correct answer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)