DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grew up in an era where it was customary to enclose a personal check in a greeting card as a gift. This worked for celebrations attended in person, and also when the card and gift were mailed.

Personal checks are being used less and less. I personally write maybe two or three per month.

My adult daughter just attended the wedding of a college classmate, and where we live, the vast majority of wedding gifts are envelopes containing cash or checks. While my daughter has maintained a “checking account” for several years, she hasn’t needed a checkbook until this wedding. Our solution was to have her transfer funds to my account, and then I wrote the check to the newlyweds.

With the changing times, is it acceptable to use online money transfer services for such occasions? On the surface, it would come across as tacky for a wedding invitation to include, say, a Venmo link, but it would be rather convenient for all parties.

GENTLE READER: It would be even more efficient for them to ask for your bank account and routing numbers.

Miss Manners will spare her readers the lecture on money being an unseemly present, as it lacks that once-treasured ingredient of thoughtfulness. But she will say that if you must give it, a written check is at least a bit more decorous.

A physical envelope, while probably no more likely to solicit a thank-you letter, will at least be a reminder that a present was given -- as opposed to a sterile financial transaction on a website called “Gimme Dat Money.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I best phrase a request for guests to let me know about any accommodations they might need when planning a mid-to-large party? Examples might include dietary restrictions or mobility needs, and the context is a casual event where guests would bring dishes to pass. Most of our party planning and discussion is done digitally.

I’d love to know a script that would let people know they can speak up without feeling put on the spot. I want them to know that we’re happy to assist, and that helping them is not burdensome in any way. It’s a tricky balance to strike.

GENTLE READER: Forgive Miss Manners if she has gotten cynical that a guest would be reluctant to come forward to state their preferences and needs. She is so used to hearing from annoyed and overburdened hosts who get so many such requests that they do not know how to fulfill them all.

That you are actually soliciting this information and eager to accommodate it is refreshing.

Since this is already a casual event where guests are being asked to bring their own dishes, it is unlikely that guests will not serve their own dietary needs. But for other types of accommodation, Miss Manners suggests, "We are looking forward to seeing you. Please let us know if there are any special requirements you may have."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m looking for your advice on how to handle a recurring issue: people taking advantage of my kindness and my cooking skills.

While I understand that not everyone is comfortable cooking, I believe they could still offer to help with other kitchen tasks. Unfortunately, some do nothing at all and simply enjoy the food I’ve bought and prepared whenever they are over, extending their stay into lunch or dinner.

How can I kindly ask them to contribute, either by cooking their own food or helping out in some other way, without making things awkward?

GENTLE READER: Forgive Miss Manners, but isn’t “doing nothing at all and simply enjoying the food you’ve bought and prepared” called hospitality?

She has so many letters begging guests not to meddle in the kitchen that she is confused at your wanting them to cook their own food in yours.

She does agree that inviting oneself to lunch or dinner afterward is an overstep. To that, you may politely say, “I am afraid I have other plans for those meals” -- even if those plans include cleaning up the mess they made from eating so much of your food.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My aunt gave me a generous gift, and I wrote her a letter in thanks. She said she loved my letter and hopes I will write her again this fall.

Should I dutifully send another letter, or is there a way I can suggest that writing me back might increase the quality and quantity of my letters to her?

GENTLE READER: You could help prompt her by writing a letter that asks a lot of questions and concludes with, “I do so look forward to receiving your answers.” Then, Miss Manners assures you, it will be clear that it is her turn.

True, it commits you to an ongoing correspondence -- but one with a gracious and generous aunt.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who sneezes a lot. When she does, someone is always quick to say “God bless you!”

I did not grow up being taught to say this, or anything else, when someone sneezes. So when she and I are alone and she sneezes, I say nothing. Am I being rude?

GENTLE READER: Your co-worker no doubt thinks so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in a regular walking group where I have become friends with about a third of the walkers. The rest I’m polite with, but consider them acquaintances only.

I host an annual party at my home for my friends. I send out private email invitations, and don’t discuss the event during the walks.

One of the walkers, a rather clingy person whom I consider only an acquaintance, told me she heard I was having a party, and invited herself. I couldn’t say no. She’s a decent person, but we have nothing in common.

What can I say in the future to avoid accepting self-inviting party crashers?

GENTLE READER: Treat it as you would a wedding: “It’s only a small group this year, but I look forward to catching up with you on our walks.” Miss Manners suggests you also remind your invited friends not to issue unauthorized invitations or advertise the party on those walks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 21 years old, and I have worked in assorted venues of customer service since I was 17. I am currently employed at a bank, and frequently a customer will ask a question to which I do not know the answer.

This requires me to leave the service area and ask my supervisor. Is it proper to say to my supervisor, “This lady (or gentleman) wanted to know ...”?

The reason I ask is that referring to the person in question as “this lady” or “this gentleman” feels awkward and vaguely condescending to me, and I am not sure how it feels to the customers.

GENTLE READER: You are concerned about the formality, but using the third person about someone within earshot always feels awkward, whoever is speaking. And some will take issue with gender, as well.

Before anyone suggests to Miss Manners that you stab a finger in the poor customer’s general direction, she will suggest that “this customer” is a perfectly serviceable alternative.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a wonderful periodontist who has saved my smile. He is professional, charming and gentle.

His front desk manager is rude, repellent and very unprofessional. It is to the point where I dread going into the office and having to deal with that person. I feel I should inform the doctor about the behavior of his staff, but am uncertain how to.

GENTLE READER: This is not so very hard, and will be a chance to use that smile.

Be apologetic, factual and unemotional: You are giving an employer necessary information to use in the operation of his business. You are not blaming him, nor are you telling him how to run his office. And you are, of course, repeating your gratitude for his own services.

Miss Manners understands your concern that you are setting him up for uncomfortable future conversations with his employee, but assures you that those were going to happen eventually, with or without you. Your intervention may make them go more smoothly, because he will have more information -- and they may happen sooner, before he has lost more business due to this individual’s behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a lifelong hospitality worker, and consider myself a great greeter in any scenario. A few years ago, at a new place of work, the phrase “Welcome in” was used as the standard greeting.

It sounded off to me, and somehow did not make sense. Since then, I have noticed the phrase “Welcome in” used more and more, with the same natural manner, as if this has always been the standard greeting -- which I am certain it has not.

Is this a new, viral expression of hospitality? Or am I wrong, and my customer-service-battered brain has deleted this information?

GENTLE READER: It sounds to Miss Manners as if someone at this place of work passed through a German-speaking country and misunderstood what was being said.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)