DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately it has seemed that the phrases “We’re pregnant” and “They’re pregnant” have been subsumed into acceptable usage.

Although I’m not a doctor, last time I checked, only women get pregnant. There is no biological reality where a woman and her partner are both pregnant with the same baby. Hence, “My partner is pregnant” or “They’re expecting” are more accurate.

I understand that society is ablaze with inclusive pronouns, but this is beyond the pale. Only one person will be wrangling the actual pregnancy. There is no “we” when she’s vomiting, being painfully kicked from inside her body, or going through the trials of labor and delivery. Her risk of severe problems from pregnancy and childbirth should at least allow her to own the condition.

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners believes that those you condemn likely grasp basic biology, and are referring to their shared commitment, she finds herself more interested in a fundamental question of our time.

That is: When is it right to be angry about others’ harmless choices? And its corollary: When does the correctness of one’s position justify gagging etiquette and locking her in the closet?

Contrary to popular opinion, the answer to both questions is "almost never."

You are clearly not going to use plural pronouns for your own or your partner’s possible pregnancies. But please refrain from accosting couples who do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a children’s birthday party at a well-known pizza place where tables are reserved for a few hours and the children can play games. My group arrived 10 minutes late to find that the other guests, including the parents of the other kids, were already being served. I didn’t really mind, because my party did not include kids.

However, another group that arrived 20 minutes after the start time did include children, and they didn’t get any pizza: The host refused to order for them because they were late. The poor kids were devastated.

Should the host have ordered more food for the latecomers, especially since the other parents were eating food meant for the children?

GENTLE READER: Put another way, was the host correct to publicly chastise the parents and punish them, and their children, by withholding food? Miss Manners is confident you already know the answer is no.

A more interesting question is how the group that arrived after you should have responded. Many adults will think that the host’s rudeness justifies an angry response -- and of course, that would vastly entertain the children. But that would be wrong. They should order their own food and be charming to the birthday child -- and icily proper with the host.

If the children are of an age to understand, one can take satisfaction in explaining the lesson in the car on the way home -- namely, that one’s behavior demonstrates one’s character. We behave well because we are good, decent people. Johnny’s mom was rude because ... she is not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited by a friend who works in our state’s governor’s office to attend a college football game in the university president’s box. This is a nationally recognized university, but not an Ivy League school.

At the game, the president asked me what college I had attended, then gave me a condescending stare when I named the school (which I attended over 50 years ago). My alma mater is a state university, not unlike his institution, and it was all I could afford at the time.

He then proceeded to correct my grammar on something else I had said. It was an odd, technical correction, and I think my words reflected my regional dialect rather than any misuse of the English language. Still, it surprised me and felt very awkward.

I didn’t respond to his comments, but instead thanked him for allowing me to visit his box, and then walked away. I was embarrassed for the friend who had brought me, who kept apologizing to me.

Since this has never happened before, and I enjoy attending college football games whenever offered, I would like to know how Miss Manners would have handled this.

GENTLE READER: For what is the university recognized nationally? Tolerating a president with nothing better to do than embarrass a guest? Is that his technique for charming alumni and donors?

Miss Manners would have handled the situation exactly as you did. And probably advised her young relatives to apply elsewhere.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should pie a la mode be served on a plate with a fork, or in a bowl with a spoon?

I am always frustrated when I am served a dessert topped with a scoop of ice cream on a flat plate with a fork. The ice cream invariably melts and is impossible to eat, especially if the pie is warm!

When I suggest that it should be served in a bowl with a spoon, I am told that is not how pie should be served. What says Miss Manners?

GENTLE READER: That the fork and spoon are not like a couple who had a nasty divorce and are forcing their friends to choose between them. Rather, they are like a couple who should be invited together, unless there is an obvious reason to ask only one of them.

For people, such an occasion might be a ladies’ spa day, where the husband would not be invited. In the case of flatware, the analogous dish might be ice cream alone, where the fork would be superfluous. (Miss Manners will refrain from the case of ice cream forks, because she hasn’t seen a lot of them around lately.)

So both fork and spoon should be provided when the dessert has both gooey and dry elements. They may be used separately or together, with the fork in the left hand and the spoon in the right. You might want to eat the ice cream before it collapses, because you should, indeed, use a plate for pie -- to avoid squishing it into a bowl.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a longtime friend, and now neighbor, who cannot consume food orally due to extensive cancer surgeries and treatments years ago. They can consume very limited quantities of liquids, but they use a tube-feeding process for all nutrition, and have done so for years.

We will soon host a formal, seated dinner party for a dozen neighbors to meet the newest people who have moved to our street. This includes our friend. The friend accepted our invitation, obviously wishing to be included in the introductions and conversation, which was our desired outcome.

They have attended several casual social events at our home in the past, but never a seated event centered around a meal. What is the most polite way to set the dinner table when one person will not be eating any food? Should there still be plates and flatware at their spot, or only glasses? Or a full place setting, but without any food?

We have considered offering the friend the option to use their tube-feeding method while seated at the table; the process is fairly routine and familiar to me, due to a long career in health care. However, for this individual, the process requires being reclined.

We do intend to allow this friend to give any personal explanation to the new guests, who will be unaware of the situation. But the place setting (or lack thereof), plus the lack of any food, will certainly draw everyone's attention.

GENTLE READER: Setting the table in full would be Miss Manners’ choice, to avoid forcing your friend to respond to others exclaiming, “You don’t have a plate.”

But she wonders why, in such special cases, the person who has the most experience and is most affected by the situation is not immediately consulted.

Please ask your friend for their preference.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend’s daughter recently died. In lieu of flowers, they suggested a donation to a charity, which we did. We will tell them we made the donation, but should we tell them how much we gave?

GENTLE READER: Why?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do we have until March to send New Year’s cards?

GENTLE READER: It depends on what turn-of-the-year you are celebrating.

Oh, go ahead when you are ready. Miss Manners suspects that the recipients will just blame the post office.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)