DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would be most grateful if you could provide guidance on how to graciously handle two common problems with email.

1. The response, “I never check that account.”

What do we do when our correspondence goes into a black hole? A number of people have claimed that the message I sent went to an account that they never check. But they don’t offer a newer or better address.

2. Social correspondents writing from their work accounts.

I’ve been shocked by friends who will read my email, which was sent to their personal accounts, and then reply from their work address. This includes a lawyer, who will reply to social messages and even gossipy chitchat from their work account.

Gentle prompts from me to switch accounts seem to fall on deaf ears.

GENTLE READER: To address your concerns in order:

1. “Oh! That’s the last email address you gave me. Is there a better one to use?”

2. “You don’t worry about your work having access to your personal emails? Maybe I’m paranoid, but I never put anything I wouldn’t want used against me in writing -- much less on the corporate account.”

The effectiveness of either, Miss Manners cannot promise. But if you suspect that those friends who claim they are “just not good at correspondence” are purposely using decoy accounts when they refuse to follow up with a better option, they may not be the friends you thought they were.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are in our early 60s and are both retired. We are still in relatively good health, so we want to travel while we can. Whenever my husband has suggested places to go, I have gone along with it, even though those destinations might not be my preference.

However, when I suggest places I want to go, my husband doesn’t show much enthusiasm, even when I do all the planning and all he has to do is pack and go. He usually just says he’ll think about it, and that’s it. No rejection, but he also doesn’t say yes.

We were offered a good deal for a cruise that I really wanted to go on. But he acted the same way again -- saying he would think about it, then giving me no answer until the promotion expired.

I’m getting to the point where I just want to go ahead and book everything before he says yes or no. I thought about finding another travel partner, but most of my friends are either still working or don’t like to travel.

Any advice?

GENTLE READER: That you take the absence of rejection as validation and book the tickets.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have two nieces who are single, in their 30s and living together in a small home that one of them owns. They will often announce to family members that they are planning a special party, then sit back and wait for a relative with a bigger house to offer to host the party for them. This dumps all of the responsibility, time and cost on the new host.

How can we stop this manipulation?

GENTLE READER: By not taking the bait.

Miss Manners suggests that you and the rest of the family practice saying, “That sounds lovely. What time should we be there?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always struggled to get along with my mother-in-law. We are very different in tastes and temperament. I have tried to be polite and welcoming, to encourage familial bonds and to find some way to make her happy, but nothing I have done has ever been right.

She is quite outspoken in her negative opinions, so time with her is a series of insults -- all for the purpose of educating and improving me, of course. It seems I am ridiculously hypersensitive for having hurt feelings.

After decades of trying hard to get along, I now do my best to avoid her, which makes her that much angrier and more aggressive. I don’t particularly care what she tells her friends about me, though it often gets back to me. My own friends and family know me, and are not impressed with her carrying on.

But lately we have a new wrinkle that does bother me tremendously: She has been expressing her dismay that she could not choose her son’s wife, and so she has to put up with me. This comment is being made to acquaintances, other in-laws during family events, my husband’s co-workers when they have stopped by for business reasons ... in short, people who do not know us well, and whom I would prefer not to have thinking I am a terrible person.

Honestly, I would just end all contact if it were up to me alone, but my husband loves his mother and I have to respect his feelings, too. What would be an appropriate way to end these comments, or at least to manage the side-eye and gossip they provoke?

GENTLE READER: Deflecting this is simplicity itself, as you can rely on three cliches that are so exhausted no one bothers with whether they are even occasionally true: that mothers-in-law are hateful; that old people are senile; and that married couples who say they are blissfully happy, are.

Next time someone tells you your mother-in-law has said she wished she could have chosen her son’s wife, smile and say you’ve heard her say that before -- and that you and your husband are both so pleased it was not up to her.

Of course, if your husband is within earshot, you may want to amend that to remove his name. Otherwise, he may feel that he is helping toss his mother a reciprocal insult.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I occasionally socialize with a couple we know through a charitable organization. The last few events, the husband has made a comment to me to the effect of, “It sure didn’t take you long to get a beer.” All while he is drinking a beer.

I can guess what the implication is, and at this point I am reluctant to be around this couple anymore. What is your take on this? Am I being too sensitive?

GENTLE READER: Being overly sensitive is the accusation that gets made to defend insulting behavior -- as if calling it humor makes it so. Miss Manners agrees with you that the husband should enjoy his beer without your company.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am part of a group of six college friends from 50 years ago. We stay in touch by texting often, and getting together in person every few years. We are spread out geographically, but one friend and I are just a few miles apart and have always seen each other more often.

I was to stop by this friend’s house to pick something up, and I texted her my expected arrival time. In response, I received what I would describe as a cross text -- a mean-spirited and unflattering statement about my husband and me. (Everyone in the group also knows my husband from school.) The friend criticized our life choices, looking down on us. We were both in the car when I read it aloud. My husband was angry, and I was hurt, not having known she felt this way.

I was left wondering who the text was actually for. The idea that it was possibly for the rest of this group of friends broke my heart. I stopped all contact with her.

The group is now planning our next in-person reunion, and I do not know how to respond, as I do not feel I can be around her comfortably. I don’t know if the group received the text as well.

What is the best way for me to handle this? The group has been a special part of all of our lives over these years, but now I feel betrayed.

GENTLE READER: Our devices change much faster than the human condition, which means etiquette can usually adapt relatively easily. Your friend thought about, wrote and got caught writing something unkind about you. Though thoroughly unpleasant for you, it is not the first time in human history such a thing has happened; in fact, it is why the apology was invented.

You do not mention what happened when you broke off contact. Senders are not always aware they have sent what you call cross texts, an important point.

Miss Manners would have had you text back at the time that you did not believe this text was meant for you. An apology should then have been forthcoming, after which you could have decided whether 50 years of friendship could be salvaged.

If there remains the possibility that your friend is unaware of what happened, you might confide to one of the other group members, when you decline the next outing, that a hurtful text was sent -- without sharing details -- in the hope that that will elicit the apology.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Either due to my age or the illusion that I have my life together, I am frequently asked for advice regarding life decisions, such as if a friend should buy a car, a house or whatever.

The problem is that to answer the question intelligently, I need to ask questions that are normally none of my business, such as, “What is your income? Your credit rating? Are you thinking about having children? How is your current job going?”

Is there a polite but direct way of asking these without appearing unnecessarily nosy?

GENTLE READER: “Is this a casual question, or are you asking for a really in-depth analysis (which I’m perfectly willing to do)?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)