DEAR HARRIETTE: I am dreading going home to see family this year. I have gained about 50 pounds since I saw them two years ago, and I can already hear their comments. While I miss my family terribly, I am in no mood for a lecture. I know that I'm not in optimal health. I don't need everybody I see to remind me.

Is there anything I can do to head them off before they lay into me? If not, I think I will skip the trip. -- Feeling Fat, Los Angeles

DEAR FEELING FAT: Do you have a particular family member in whom you can confide? Maybe you can find an ally who will support you in discouraging other family members from riding you about your weight. You probably won't be able to get everybody off your back, but you can say something when they start.

Admit that you know you have gained weight and need to do something about it. Tell them that you are happy to see them and that it makes you uncomfortable when they pick at you about your weight. Ask them to love you and leave you alone.

This may be easier said than done, but you are most likely to get the treatment you want if you request it. Your family members probably don't realize how uncomfortable or even hurtful their comments are for you. Pointing it out may help them to quiet down.

I encourage you to get a physical and talk to your doctor about how you can improve your health. You deserve to be happy and healthy. It is up to you to make the choices that will lead you in that direction. Good luck!

DEAR HARRIETTE: The young people in my family love to take pictures and post them on their social media websites. I do not care for this. I don't want my picture posted, and I definitely do not want the pictures of my children posted. Whenever I say this to the teens and young adults, they call me weird and outdated and post them anyway. I want this to stop.

I know that as it relates to minors, people are supposed to have photo releases signed in order to run their photos, right? Does this apply to social media? And can I actually sue my family to stop their postings? -- No Photos Please, Shreveport, La.

DEAR NO PHOTOS PLEASE: In this day and age of people posting their every move, as well as those of their friends and loved ones, it does seem difficult to control images of you and your children.

Each social media site has its own rules, which you will need to check. If you do not want images of your children who are younger than 13 to appear on Facebook, for example, you can write to the company, provide a link to the image(s) in question and request that they be removed. Children ages 13 to 17 have to ask Facebook directly have images removed, unless the laws in your state prohibit the posting of that image without permission.

Meanwhile, talk to the adults in the group and explain your position. Ask them to stop posting your children's photos. Tell them if they don't stop posting, you will stop visiting.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm currently separated from my wife, and she invited me to have Christmas dinner at her parents' house. I'm not too keen on the idea of spending my holiday with her family, and I don't feel like answering questions regarding my relationship with my wife. I know this may be the first step toward reconciling my relationship with my wife, but I don't think it would be a great idea to spend time with her family. What are your thoughts? -- Thanks But No Thanks, Newark, N.J.

DEAR THANKS BUT NO THANKS: What are your thoughts about reconciliation? Do you remember the details of why you and your wife chose to be apart? The two of you need to deal with the key issues in your relationship, not filter them through the prism of her parents' thoughts, feelings and urgings.

Instead of spending time at your in-laws' home during the holidays, request a meeting with your wife to talk about where your relationship stands and where you are headed.

Thank her parents for the invitation. As you decline, let them and her know that you think it is best for the two of you to work through your relationship alone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Today marks my 15th year working at the same company. I'm having mixed feeling about my tenure at this company. I became comfortable with the money and the perks. I never chased my dreams, and I think it may be too late for me to become an entrepreneur. My wings have been clipped, and I'm afraid to step out on faith and follow my dreams. I see a better life for me, but I'm afraid. -- A Dream Deferred, Chicago

DEAR A DREAM DEFERRED: I want to congratulate you on your 15th anniversary. That is no small feat in today's economy. Rather than feeling sad, be grateful for what you have achieved. Your attitude is essential to any future success you hope to have.

Your gratitude doesn't mean you need to be complacent. If you think you really want to do something else, figure out what that is. Write down your dreams and goals. Think about the things you never allowed yourself to consider in the past. What entrepreneurial pursuits get you excited?

Now do some research. You can gain some knowledge, perhaps by taking a class, and perhaps even start a side business that will whet your appetite for what you want to do next.

You can start small by making your entrepreneurial idea a second job. See what happens as you focus on this idea. Perhaps you can grow it into something profitable that will allow you to leave your job one day and pursue your dream full time. Even if that's not the case, just doing the thing you have wanted to do for so long may fill the creative hole in your life, making you feel more fulfilled personally, which in turn can make you tackle your longtime job with renewed gusto.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I decided to go back to college after a 15-year hiatus. I'm excited and nervous all at once. I'm excited to go back, because I will be able to finish and get my degree. I'm nervous, because I do not want to quit this time around. I would like to develop an action plan to help me calm my nerves about going back to college. -- College Man, Queens, N.Y.

DEAR COLLEGE MAN: Congratulations on having the courage to pursue your education after so much time has passed. Deciding to complete your college education and position yourself for greater success, especially in this challenging economy, is smart. It's also smart for you to know that you should put together an action plan for success.

I recommend that you write out your goals, along with strategies for completing them. I firmly believe in writing everything down. When you record what has to be done, you have a better chance of staying on top of things.

Use a calendar to create a timeline that includes all the deadlines you are aware of from school. Assign alerts to key deadlines so that you have support in developing the discipline for success.

Find out if you can get an adviser or mentor at your school who can support you as you navigate this new territory.

Your drive to get your degree can be your fuel for when you sometimes feel overwhelmed. You can do it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think your advice to "On the Fence" about developing a relationship with a woman who is three months pregnant by a man who is in prison for two years was great -- as far as it went. However, I think you need to add that "On the Fence" needs to consider this: What if he and this woman -- and, in six months, her baby -- become a family? In two years, when the child is 18 months old, is he willing to face the prospect of dealing with an ex-convict father who is pressing for visitation rights? -- Thinking Ahead, Washington, D.C.

DEAR THINKING AHEAD: Great point. Whenever you become family with someone who already has a child, there's the likelihood that you will have to interact with the other parent. Indeed, constructive interaction is a positive thing, because it shows that both parents care about the child. But when the parent in question is an ex-convict, there's the chance that the road to peaceful interaction could be rocky, primarily because that parent was literally unable to be present while in jail.

I think that "On the Fence" should consider all factors relating to what the family composition may look like and what the challenges may be with the biological dad before he decides to step into this loving bond. It is complicated.

Quite frankly, it would be best if the biological dad, though in prison, were made aware of the development of the new family unit, so he isn't met with a surprise upon release.