Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter got a bike for her birthday a couple of years ago, and she still can't ride it. Now that she's 10, she is embarrassed that she hasn't learned to ride while all of her friends can.

I don't want her to feel embarrassed. I want her to learn and be free to experience this childhood joy. She doesn't want to learn from me. What can I do? -- Frustrated Mom, Flint, Mich.

DEAR FRUSTRATED MOM: If you believe that your daughter really does want to learn but it just hasn't happened yet, find a neutral party to help. A patient adult who is a good teacher -- perhaps someone from a bike shop or from the local YMCA -- could give your daughter a few lessons. Or, if your daughter has a friend she trusts who is a good rider, they could have private lessons together. The camaraderie may help your daughter gain confidence, which is half the battle in being able to keep her balance and ride like the wind!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My identity was stolen, and I lost all of my email contacts. It is so frustrating. What's more, a few friends have told me they are mad because I haven't responded to their emails. I explain that my account was shut down because of identity theft, and I ask them to give me their info again. Although they give it to me, they look at me funny, like they don't believe me. I don't know what else to tell them, other than to go through the whole long story of how I lost everything and have to start over.

Why can't they believe me and be supportive? I am trying to rebuild my contact list. It's not personal that I can't remember their phone number or email address. I got hacked. -- Violated, New York

DEAR VIOLATED: I, too, have had my identity stolen through email and social media, so I know what you are dealing with. If your friends have not had such a harrowing experience, they don't know what a complete violation this hacking can be to your life.

The best you can do is continue to reach out and ask your friends to help you by providing their information again. If they are unsympathetic, chalk it up to ignorance (they really don't understand) and move on.

In the future, you should save your contact information in more than one location -- and preferably in writing -- so your key contacts don't disappear in times of emergency.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am dreading going home to see family this year. I have gained about 50 pounds since I saw them two years ago, and I can already hear their comments. While I miss my family terribly, I am in no mood for a lecture. I know that I'm not in optimal health. I don't need everybody I see to remind me.

Is there anything I can do to head them off before they lay into me? If not, I think I will skip the trip. -- Feeling Fat, Los Angeles

DEAR FEELING FAT: Do you have a particular family member in whom you can confide? Maybe you can find an ally who will support you in discouraging other family members from riding you about your weight. You probably won't be able to get everybody off your back, but you can say something when they start.

Admit that you know you have gained weight and need to do something about it. Tell them that you are happy to see them and that it makes you uncomfortable when they pick at you about your weight. Ask them to love you and leave you alone.

This may be easier said than done, but you are most likely to get the treatment you want if you request it. Your family members probably don't realize how uncomfortable or even hurtful their comments are for you. Pointing it out may help them to quiet down.

I encourage you to get a physical and talk to your doctor about how you can improve your health. You deserve to be happy and healthy. It is up to you to make the choices that will lead you in that direction. Good luck!

DEAR HARRIETTE: The young people in my family love to take pictures and post them on their social media websites. I do not care for this. I don't want my picture posted, and I definitely do not want the pictures of my children posted. Whenever I say this to the teens and young adults, they call me weird and outdated and post them anyway. I want this to stop.

I know that as it relates to minors, people are supposed to have photo releases signed in order to run their photos, right? Does this apply to social media? And can I actually sue my family to stop their postings? -- No Photos Please, Shreveport, La.

DEAR NO PHOTOS PLEASE: In this day and age of people posting their every move, as well as those of their friends and loved ones, it does seem difficult to control images of you and your children.

Each social media site has its own rules, which you will need to check. If you do not want images of your children who are younger than 13 to appear on Facebook, for example, you can write to the company, provide a link to the image(s) in question and request that they be removed. Children ages 13 to 17 have to ask Facebook directly have images removed, unless the laws in your state prohibit the posting of that image without permission.

Meanwhile, talk to the adults in the group and explain your position. Ask them to stop posting your children's photos. Tell them if they don't stop posting, you will stop visiting.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm currently separated from my wife, and she invited me to have Christmas dinner at her parents' house. I'm not too keen on the idea of spending my holiday with her family, and I don't feel like answering questions regarding my relationship with my wife. I know this may be the first step toward reconciling my relationship with my wife, but I don't think it would be a great idea to spend time with her family. What are your thoughts? -- Thanks But No Thanks, Newark, N.J.

DEAR THANKS BUT NO THANKS: What are your thoughts about reconciliation? Do you remember the details of why you and your wife chose to be apart? The two of you need to deal with the key issues in your relationship, not filter them through the prism of her parents' thoughts, feelings and urgings.

Instead of spending time at your in-laws' home during the holidays, request a meeting with your wife to talk about where your relationship stands and where you are headed.

Thank her parents for the invitation. As you decline, let them and her know that you think it is best for the two of you to work through your relationship alone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Today marks my 15th year working at the same company. I'm having mixed feeling about my tenure at this company. I became comfortable with the money and the perks. I never chased my dreams, and I think it may be too late for me to become an entrepreneur. My wings have been clipped, and I'm afraid to step out on faith and follow my dreams. I see a better life for me, but I'm afraid. -- A Dream Deferred, Chicago

DEAR A DREAM DEFERRED: I want to congratulate you on your 15th anniversary. That is no small feat in today's economy. Rather than feeling sad, be grateful for what you have achieved. Your attitude is essential to any future success you hope to have.

Your gratitude doesn't mean you need to be complacent. If you think you really want to do something else, figure out what that is. Write down your dreams and goals. Think about the things you never allowed yourself to consider in the past. What entrepreneurial pursuits get you excited?

Now do some research. You can gain some knowledge, perhaps by taking a class, and perhaps even start a side business that will whet your appetite for what you want to do next.

You can start small by making your entrepreneurial idea a second job. See what happens as you focus on this idea. Perhaps you can grow it into something profitable that will allow you to leave your job one day and pursue your dream full time. Even if that's not the case, just doing the thing you have wanted to do for so long may fill the creative hole in your life, making you feel more fulfilled personally, which in turn can make you tackle your longtime job with renewed gusto.