Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: My uncle asked me to help him write a book, and without a second thought, I said yes. My uncle was so excited that I agreed to help him, but I don't know the first step in writing a book. How can I help make my uncle's dream come true? -- Stepping Out on Faith, Chicago

DEAR STEPPING OUT ON FAITH: Good for you for agreeing to help your uncle. Make sure you tell him that this is an exercise of love and that although you will do your best, you are not a writer. You are a devoted family member, and you will do all that you can. You don't want him to think you are a miracle worker.

Going from an idea to a published book covers a vast terrain. You should read up on the format of books. There are many templates online for different styles of books and even for a book proposal. Based on the type of book your uncle wants to write, there will surely be a template you can follow.

You can help your uncle get his story out. Interview him and videotape or otherwise record him. You can transcribe his stories so that he can see what he has said.

If your uncle has never written a book, he may want to go the self-publishing route. A popular option these days is CreateSpace from Amazon.com.

Most important is to stay by your uncle's side and encourage him. Your research will lead you to options that can help him make his dream come true.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've had a crush on a girl for a few months. I spent a lot of time with her over the summer, although now we don't really hang out. We had a lot of fun hanging out, but she has a boyfriend, and had a boyfriend the whole summer.

I've tried to play it cool, but I miss hanging out with her and wish we could hang out without my feelings getting in the way. Should I tell her how I feel to get it off of my chest? -- Missing Her, Shreveport, La.

DEAR MISSING HER: Summer can sometimes feel like being in the movies. You have fun and time seems to be suspended. Perhaps that's why you didn't allow it to register that this girl had a boyfriend even then. Now that you are both back in your "real lives," the boyfriend is more obvious.

I'm sorry, but it's unlikely your friend is going to decide to choose you over her boyfriend. She would have done that already when she had the chance. Should you tell her your feelings? Unless you are prepared to walk away if she says she doesn't share your feelings, I say keep them to yourself and keep your distance for now. That seems to be what she is already doing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The holiday season is upon us, and this year has been an interesting one financially for me. I would like to send my family and my friends gifts, but I don't have the money. What are some creative ways I can give gifts without being embarrassed? -- Giving From the Heart, Hillside, N.J.

DEAR GIVING FROM THE HEART: Please don't feel compelled to spend money that you don't have. Being more broke will only compound the potential for embarrassment, which is not a path to happiness.

But you do have options. Go shopping among your things. Do you have a favorite book that one of your loved ones would appreciate? What about an article of clothing that could be a favored hand-me-down? An art object that would be perfect in someone else's home? Think about your loved ones and envision who might truly welcome such a gift.

A heartfelt note written to each of these people about the value of your relationship could be a wonderful gift that they will treasure for life. And an old standby for great cooks is to make something edible that your loved ones may enjoy. There is some expense to home-cooked gifts, so if you go that route, be sure to keep costs down.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a problem: My husband is not particularly fond of my hairy arms and legs. He told me a lady should never have "additional" body hair on her because it makes her less attractive.

It's wintertime and it is cold, and having additional hair on my arms and legs keeps me warm. But by refusing to shave, I'm running the risk of reducing the intimate moments with my husband (if you know what I mean).

Even though I've heard we are going to have a long winter, I'm having second thoughts about this additional body hair. Can you suggest some other ways I can keep warm? -- Hairy Situation, Memphis, Tenn.

DEAR HAIRY SITUATION: Before you make a decision, you have to be clear about your reasons for removing your hair.

If warmth is truly the main issue, there are plenty of ways to keep warm other than body hair, such as thermal underwear, leggings and, for formal events, sheer hosiery. You can choose to wear clothing made out of warm fabrics such as wool and silk, shirts with long sleeves, long pants, etc.

You can stay warm, but there is another issue: How can you and your husband deal with the friction caused by your hairiness? You were hairy before you got married. It's odd that it has taken this long to be addressed.

If you are willing to try shaving, go to a professional to help you manage without getting hair bumps. It could be worth a try, if you are interested.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently received a phone call from a female friend whom I haven't heard from in more than six months. She invited me to her house for a drink or two and whatever the night might lead to.

Any normal man would jump at the opportunity to go to a woman's home. But I'm hesitant about visiting this woman. I think she is a little crazy, and I prefer to have a friendship from afar.

We are scheduled to have another conversation this evening, and I don't want to hurt her feelings by saying that I'm not interested in going to her home. I don't know what to do. -- At a Distance, Newark N.J.

DEAR AT A DISTANCE: The great news is that you are clear about your feelings and intentions. Don't sway from that.

Basically, it sounds like this woman has reached out to you for what many now describe as a "booty call." Good for you that you don't want to get involved in that with her. Compounding the dubious nature of her invitation is your thought that she is not mentally fit.

You have to make a decision: Do you want to see her at all? If you do, you could invite her to meet you in a public place for coffee, dinner or drinks. If you don't, just tell her that you are sorry, but you are not available to meet up with her. You don't have to be rude about letting her down, but don't lead her on, either.

If she asks for a rain date, make it clear what you are willing to do, meaning a) no, if you don't want to see her, b) yes, in a public setting, or c) maybe, but not at her home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've had a crush on a friend for a while. I told him, and he had no reaction. I even asked if he liked me, and he completely avoided the question and changed the subject. I thought this meant he's just not interested, but he's never awkward about it and he's never brought it up. Everyone around us thinks there's something going on between us. Is he not interested, or should I try to bring it up again? -- Longing for Love, Philadelphia

DEAR LONGING FOR LOVE: I'm sorry to report to you that your friend has answered by saying nothing. It sounds like he wants to remain your friend and isn't sure how to respond to you. Unfortunately, when you put your feelings out there and get nothing as a response, it can feel awkward to move forward.

You have to decide if you can remain friends despite your feelings for him. If so, do your best to relax back into a platonic friendship. And, by all means, keep your eyes open. Mr. Right may be in your midst and you don't even realize it.