DEAR HARRIETTE: My 80-year-old mother is in good physical health, which is a blessing. She stays in close touch with my brother and me. But that is sort of the problem.

She lives alone, and I think she's lonely and bored. She calls me at least three times a day, including when I am at work. She doesn't like it when I cannot take her calls. I try to explain to her that it's best for me to talk after work, but she doesn't remember.

I am at my wit's end. I can't talk to my mother every few minutes. How do I tell her this without hurting her feelings? -- No Time to Chat, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NO TIME TO CHAT: It's a blessing that you have your mother. She is probably calling you because she doesn't have anything else to do. Since she is in good health and seemingly bored, why not do some research and figure out activities that might interest her? Helping her get involved in daytime activities would be more constructive than reprimanding her.

There may be a local senior center that offers day programs for senior citizens. Many of these programs include art, computer, dance and even culinary classes. Ask your mother if you can sign her up for one. Then when you do talk, the conversation will be that much more interesting!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend called me out of the blue. He said he was in town, and he wanted to know if we could get together. We broke up four years ago, and I hadn't heard from him since. Now he's coming back like I want to talk to him.

I feel uneasy about this. I loved him, and he really hurt my feelings. What if he does something that will hurt me again? Should I not return his calls? Should I see him? Or should I just act like I didn't hear from him? -- Cautious, Salt Lake City

DEAR CAUTIOUS: Will you obsess over him if you do not respond? I think that is the real question.

It sounds as if you've jumped back on the emotional roller coaster that you rode at the end of your relationship. Step off and observe the situation. Why are you feeling so distraught? What do you want from this man, if anything? What are you hoping for?

If you think you can be grounded when you speak to him, start with a call. Ask what he wants to meet about. Press him for context. If you think you can manage a face-to-face meeting, suggest a public location and go for it. But don't make it a reunion meeting. Your goal should be finding out what's on his mind. If he seems vague, press him for why he has reappeared at this time.

Avoid confronting him about his past behavior, at least at first. Listen. Based upon what he says, you will know what your next steps should be. Don't presume to know the nature of his communication. Let him tell you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a meeting with a colleague the other day where I was supposed to make a presentation to our client. My colleague was supposed to be there as an observer and to help answer any questions.

As it turned out, he jumped in before I even got started and basically stole my presentation. I could hardly get a word in edgewise. I was so angry. How should I handle this? The client was pleased and we got the business, but my co-worker overstepped his bounds. -- Irked, Washington, D.C.

DEAR IRKED: Ask your colleague directly why he chose to overstep the boundaries of your meeting and jump in the way he did. Tell him that although of course you are glad the business was secured, you do not appreciate the way he handled it. Get him to talk about his motive.

Perhaps he wanted to prove that he can pitch. He may have felt that you were moving too slowly in the beginning. He also may have intended to usurp your position. You won't know until you talk to him about it.

Include in your conversation a recommendation for how you can work together moving forward. Because the deal was secured, you may want to keep him around even if he did annoy you. Suggest that you divide up duties so both of you will have important roles in meetings, since clearly he does not want to be an observer. But it is important to establish ground rules for how you can best work together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I owe my best friend a sizable amount of money. I borrowed it from her a couple of months ago and promised to repay her as soon as possible. Time is ticking. Even though we didn't set a particular date, I feel like I should say something to her. I don't have the money, but I don't want her to think I'm blowing it off. I could give her little bits over time. Do you think it's OK to suggest that? -- Empty Pockets, Shreveport, La.

DEAR EMPTY POCKETS: It is smart to follow up with your friend and give her a status report. Tell her that you have not forgotten your debt but that you do not yet have the funds to repay her.

If you think you can manage a payment plan, ask if she would accept it. Paying her in small increments could make it easier for you to pay down your debt, and you'd feel less guilty because you would be addressing the issue. Just know that if you promise to pay, you should not renege on your promise. Your friend needs to be able to trust that you will do what you say you are going to do, when you say you are going to do it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is having a challenge with her teacher, and I'm not sure how to handle it. The other day she came home and told me her teacher spoke to her in a way that made her feel like the teacher thinks she is an idiot. My daughter is in the third grade.

I know this teacher can be sharp and harsh with her students. I believe she thinks this is the way to get them to behave. My daughter has never used language like that before to talk about herself or anybody else. "Idiot" is a strong word, like a curse word in our house.

I want to get to the bottom of this to find out what is going on in the classroom and what the teacher thinks my daughter is not doing. I also want to tell the teacher I don't appreciate her talking down to my daughter. I am so angry, though, that I don't know how to begin. Help! -- Mad Mom, Washington, D.C.

DEAR MAD MOM: Take a few deep breaths and compose yourself. You need a few more details.

Talk to your daughter again and find out what was going on when her teacher made her feel she was an idiot. Gently ask her to explain the circumstances. It is likely that something your child did or didn't do precipitated it, which doesn't necessarily excuse the behavior. You are gathering information. Listen carefully so you can recite what your daughter shares with you later.

Schedule an appointment with the teacher, and tell her about your daughter's concerns. Describe the scenario as seen through your daughter's eyes, and ask what her version of the story is.

Tell the teacher that your daughter is sensitive and that you do not want her leaving school feeling like she is an idiot, whatever that means in her mind. School is where she goes to learn and grow. Her teacher needs to be more nurturing and less judgmental. Ask if she can do that. Follow up with the guidance counselor at the school if you need backup.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Next year we are going to have to put our son in public school. He has been in private school since he was young, but we can't afford it anymore. We feel horrible, but it is what is. Our son is 10. How do we tell him without crushing his feelings? -- Distraught and Broke, Chicago

DEAR DISTRAUGHT AND BROKE: Frame the shift to a new school as a lifestyle change. Assure your son that you will put him in the best possible school you can, and stress that by going public, you will have more flexibility to explore other extracurricular activities. Show him there is life after private school. Work hard to keep his friendships alive, too. That will help ease the transition.