DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend has recently taken a new love interest, the first in a long time. I think this is a good learning moment for her. She's been dating him for the last few months and things have been going pretty well, but she's a control freak and gets extremely frustrated when she organizes anything and it does not run smoothly. This new guy challenges that. I think this is good for her. She usually picks guys who will follow her lead and bend over backward for her, but this guy has more of a backbone than she had anticipated. She says dealing with him can be taxing. I say she's learning a good lesson. What do you think? -- Finally Taming the Beast, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR TAMING THE BEAST: I think this is her business and you will do well to stay out of it. I highly recommend you keep your opinions to yourself about him and their relationship. Having someone challenge your friend may be good, but naturally it is difficult, especially since she is unaccustomed to this type of reaction. It may be that he is great for her, especially if he is realistic in his push-back. He could also be the exact opposite of her previous boyfriends -- maybe he is overbearing in his desire to be in control himself. You do not know, which is why it is best to stay mum.

Let her play it out.

It is true that she has the opportunity to learn a lot about herself in this relationship. If she asks you your thoughts, you can recommend that she pay attention and see what she can learn.

DEAR HARRIETTE: At my job we are in a high-stakes scenario in which my boss believes that his way is the only way that a task, of which I'm in charge, can be accomplished. My boss taught me his method, and in his eyes I failed at producing a same or similar product. He pointed out that I had not done an adequate job. I proposed another approach that I felt more comfortable executing well, and he shot it down. After I went against him and tackled the task my way, he saw that it worked just as well and gave me the OK. Did he mean to put me down, or was that just the stress talking? -- Alternative Way, Washington, D.C.

DEAR ALTERNATIVE WAY: Your boss's way may be blunt, but it wasn't necessarily a put-down. If the initial product you made using his method was inadequate, he should have told you as much. Otherwise you would be confused and the work would not have been completed to satisfaction.

It is unfortunate that he did not initially consider your alternative idea and wise of you to attempt it anyway. He may have been stressed out, or he may just be gruff. That you were successful and he could see that is excellent. Moving forward he may have more confidence in you. Trust develops over time. Keep working as hard as you can to do your job as requested. When innovation is needed, be strategic in your problem solving.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Within the realm of high school hierarchy, groups of girls micro-divide faster than bacteria undergoing meiosis. I think it is very silly that by the end of senior year drama can still shake friendships to a cataclysmic extent. I do not understand why people still get hung up on the smallest thing. However, every time I voice that we should be better than this fight or that argument, I risk becoming a social pariah. Now, to fear my own ostracism after placing myself above drama seems, frankly, quite hypocritical.

How can I carry on ignoring that which I find immature if I fear its same reverberations? -- Hypocrite, Albany, N.Y.

DEAR HYPOCRITE: It is the little things that make all the difference in life. What may seem petty or unbelievably unimportant to you may seem terribly difficult or painful for someone else. It is also true that the people you care about the most are the ones who can most easily hurt your feelings, precisely because you care about them.

There is little you can do to change your friends' reactions. What you can do that is not hypocritical is to demonstrate uplifting, friendly, respectful behavior. Stop pointing out the pettiness that you believe defines their actions. Instead, behave in the way that you would like for them to behave. Be a good friend. Be thoughtful. Do not talk about others. Keep good company.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the costume assistant for my school play, and the costume head is juggling a lot. Many times I have offered my assistance as well as some possible solutions to the problems she was having, but she is resistant to my help. I ask her constantly if she has anything for me to do, and she just stares at me blankly. She generally seems flustered, and the wardrobe room is a mess. The actors cannot find their costumes. It is a bad situation. How do I try to be helpful without making her feel as though I am stepping on her toes? -- Helping the Juggler, Chicago

DEAR HELPING THE JUGGLER: The best way for you to support the work at hand and not seem to be trying to usurp her power is to pay close attention and constantly evaluate what needs to be completed. Keep a running list of the challenges, and at the end of each day, show her what you have noticed needs attention and make recommendations for how to handle things. Ask for her input.

When she is feeling overwhelmed, the general question of what you can do to help is likely impossible for her to answer. The question is too big. Instead, make suggestions such as how to organize the wardrobe room. Indeed, you could probably go ahead and organize it so that things are in their place. If she doesn't like what you have done, she will surely suggest adjustments. As questions come up from the cast or other people that you do not have the authority to answer, write them down and provide her with the list of questions. Let her know that you are happy to share her responses with those individuals or just turn it over to her. In other words, be actively helpful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 14-year-old daughter, "Katie," has an acquaintance, "Tori," whom she has known since kindergarten. In the past, they really haven't been that close and talked only occasionally. In fifth grade, Tori moved to another school. Recently, we found out that Tori would be returning to the school that my daughter attends for eighth grade. Since that time, Tori has been calling incessantly and driving Katie crazy. She will continue to call even when I tell her that Katie is not home. It's to the point that we have to unplug our phone to make it stop.

My fear is that once Katie and Tori are at the same school, this behavior will carry over and my daughter will say or do something out of frustration to hurt Tori's feelings. Tori doesn't have a lot of friends and is socially backward. I believe she is doing this to make sure she will have at least one friend when she starts school, but she is pushing Katie away. I have always taught Katie to be kind and thoughtful of others, but I can understand why Tori is making her crazy. What should we do in this situation? -- Confused and Annoyed, Kalamazoo, Mich.

DEAR CONFUSED AND ANNOYED: It is time for you to reach out to Tori's mother. Tell her what has been happening, and express your concerns about the incessant calls. Make it clear to Tori's mother that your daughter has no interest in hurting her daughter's feelings, but that Tori's approach is suffocating.

Your daughter can also speak up for herself. She can tell Tori that she is happy that she is returning to the school and that she looks forward to seeing her, but that she needs Tori to back off a bit. You may want to host Tori and her mother at your home one afternoon over the summer so that you can all be together and, if necessary, you can neutralize the situation by telling the girls that you hope that they will have a good year and that each needs her own space.

Finally, when school starts, pay close attention. If your daughter ends up needing the support of her teacher or guidance counselor, help her step up and get it. Further, if the school has more than one class per grade, you may want to speak to the principal to find out if the two girls can be in different classes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding "Penniless" the young man who quit his job and can't find another, the armed forces are always hiring. -- Looking for Options, St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands

DEAR LOOKING FOR OPTIONS: It is absolutely true that the armed forces are looking for capable people to fill their ranks. This is a good idea. You can also get a great education through the military. However, not everyone is automatically accepted. Do your research and find out what the qualifications are for the different arms of the military, and, if you are interested, apply. To learn more, Google "how to join the military."