DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who I believe has a drinking problem. My friend has been through a divorce, and his parents moved into his house after theirs burnt down. At first he drank only when he went to parties, but as of late, my friend is drinking at all times of the day. He takes a shot before he brushes his teeth in the morning. I am concerned about my friend. I saw it with my own eyes. I stayed over at his house one night and saw him drinking at like 7 a.m. How can I help him through this time of transition? -- Being a Friend, Memphis, TN

DEAR BEING A FRIEND: Of course you know that drinking will not make your friend's problems go away. Unfortunately, you can't make them disappear, either. Bring this up to your friend. When you witnessed him drink before brushing his teeth, you could have said, "What are you doing, man? Do you know what time it is?" That may have jarred him into reality.

In as sober a time as you can find him, tell him that you are concerned about him. Be honest and upfront about your observation of his drinking. Ask him if he would be willing to go to Alcoholics Anonymous to get support to stop. You can introduce the idea, but he has to take the step.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm writing about the woman who is with an overly frugal guy who made her pay when they went to an expensive restaurant. This man will never splurge. The woman must be prepared to carry her own weight if she continues this relationship. I married a man like this. He is not only frugal, but is a taker. He loves to receive gifts and have people do things for him, but he never reciprocates. He has never given me a nice gift.

If I had not been able to financially carry my own weight, the marriage would not have lasted 31 years. He is easy to get along with as long as I pay my own way. I choose to continue this marriage because I've been married twice before. In other words, I can't be picky. -- Don't Do It, Jackson, Miss.

DEAR DON'T DO IT: Thank you for your candor. I think you are right in pointing out that people are the way they are. If you are a person who does not spend a lot of money, especially not on others, that behavior probably won't change after you get married. So, as the spouse, it is wise to accept that and figure out how to create your own joy where it is lacking in your relationship or teach him little things that will be fulfilling for you.

In your case, I hope that you have found joy in your 31 years of marriage. I happen to think that regardless of how many failures you may have experienced in life, you still deserve to be loved the way that you want and need to be loved.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I give advice for a living and have done well for myself. I am often invited to speak at conferences and am usually well received. What I am unsure of is where to draw the line when people ask me for advice randomly. At these functions, someone almost always comes up to me with a problem. If it is simple, I respond -- in part because that's the reason I was invited to be there in the first place. The least I can do is give back to people. But often it feels like a drain, like the people really should be hiring me rather than just sponging off of me. How can I strike a balance between being generous and charging for my services? -- Strike a Balance, Los Angeles

DEAR STRIKE A BALANCE: I am a big believer in giving a certain amount of my time and talent to those in need. I agree that it is part of the experience, especially when you work in the field of coaching others. But really, it is true with anything.

That said, you do need to know where to draw the line. When you are in a public setting and someone approaches you, agree to speak for a few minutes, up to five or 10 if you have enough privacy for that long. After agreeing to a brief conversation, tell the person that if he or she wants to talk longer, the person should consider formally contacting your office to schedule an appointment for a consultation and/or coaching session. Using words like that should signal that this would become a professional engagement.

If the person is persistent in the moment, be prepared to say you hope that what you offered thus far will be helpful, but you have to stop now. If the person wants to continue working with you on the subject at hand, feel free to schedule an appointment. Be firm and gracious at once. That will reflect your professionalism.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time my brother gets a little money, he blows it on stupid stuff. Instead of paying his rent, he buys tickets to the ball game. Or he might take his girlfriend on an extravagant date or even go shopping. I'm not kidding. He does this when at the same time he complains of bill collectors hounding him about being delinquent. And then he has the nerve to ask me to bail him out when he runs out of cash a few days later. I love my brother, but I'm done with his shenanigans. I don't want to help him next time. Even though he is my brother, I'm tired of his negligence. -- Fed Up, Shreveport, La.

DEAR FED UP: Before your brother goes broke again, contact him and tell him you want to talk -- preferably face-to-face. Let him know that you are concerned about his financial choices. Tell him you have observed how he spends money when he gets it and how often he is broke. Based on what you know, tell him you cannot help him financially anymore. Yes, you love him, but you cannot finance his bad habits.

Perhaps your candor will help to shake him into reality.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's been six months since I started my period. I absolutely hate tampons and pads. I don't know if I'm using tampons wrong or if it doesn't work for me (is that possible?), and when I wear pads, I feel like I'm wearing a diaper. Any advice? Alternatives? Help! -- Becoming a Woman, Jacksonville, FL

DEAR BECOMING A WOMAN: Congratulations on beginning the journey of womanhood. It has many twists and turns, some extremely exciting, others uncomfortable. The great news is that there are many products on the market that are designed to make your monthly cycle as comfortable as possible.

While it can be daunting to figure out what is for you, take some time in a large drugstore to go down the aisle of feminine products and look at the various configurations offered. Depending upon the fullness of your cycle, you can select from an assortment of pads that may work for you, many that are slim in nature and do not feel like a diaper.

There is also a new product on the market that may be of interest to you, the diva cup (divacup.com). Talk to your doctor about this option that some women are finding more manageable than others.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been dating my boyfriend for a year. We met in a club in New York City, and after a few dates I fell for him. He has met my family, and they all love him, too. Here's where it twists: my best friend, Harry, has an online dating account and found my man on it! Not only that, my best friend is gay, and my boyfriend's account says he is interested in men. I am a girl. I don't even know what to do or say. I'm in love with him, but this frightens me. Advice? Where do I even start? -- Confused, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR CONFUSED: Confront your boyfriend immediately and tell him what you learned. Ask him if he currently or ever has been intimately involved with a man. Be specific in your questioning so that you make it difficult for him to dodge the topic. Watch the way he reacts to your questions to get a sense of whether he is telling the truth.

Don't back down about what you have discovered. That he has put himself on a gay dating site is disturbing, especially if you believed that the two of you were exclusive.

If you are sexually active with him, I hope that you were tested for HIV first. If not, now is the time to do so. I just learned about an at-home testing product that will tell you your status in 20 minutes. Go to oraquick.com for details.

You say that you love this man, and perhaps you do. But if he has betrayed your trust by choosing to be involved outside of your relationship, it is time for you to evaluate whether your emotions are stronger than the facts.