DEAR HARRIETTE: My relationship with my teenage niece has deteriorated to the point where we are not talking to each other. She has a boyfriend, and I think that is the reason of the decline in our relationship. He is what I would call a typical "bad boy." He is a high school dropout, and he has encouraged my niece to quit school or at least not to attend as frequently. I spoke to her about this young man because it concerned me, and she got mad. My sister, who is her mother, and her kids and I live together. Now, every morning I greet my niece and she walks away in disgust. I am doing my best to keep the lines of communication open between us, but it is not working. What should I do? -- Family First, Chicago

DEAR FAMILY FIRST: Talk to your sister about the situation. Ask her if she is aware of the friction between you and your niece. Point out what you believe to be happening between her and her boyfriend. Make sure she knows about the school delinquency as well.

As an adult in the home, take responsibility for oversight of what may be happening. Remember that you are the grownup in your relationship with your niece. The next time she walks away, you may want to call out to her to say that you want to talk. Let her know that you care about her and that you are concerned about her. See if she responds.

Since you live together, there should be a level of respect required in the household. You and your sister need to identify what those rules should be and work together to enforce them. Keep in mind that there likely is something going on with your niece that is leading her to act out. That is what you and your sister need to identify.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My church is having a Christmas party for a women's shelter in New York City, and my pastor has asked the members if we can sponsor a child and give them a toy. I would love to sponsor a child; however, I am not in the position financially to do so at this time. What are some ways I can give without spending money? -- A Heart to Give, New York City

DEAR A HEART TO GIVE: Tell your pastor of your circumstances. Explain that you want to help in whatever way you can that does not cost money. Offer to help deliver the items to the shelter. Offer to assist your pastor in any other ways the church or the shelter may need.

Consider being creative and making a gift for a child. It is possible for you to use your own hands and a few resources that you already have at home to craft a gift that a child may love.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I always feel rushed, and as a result, I feel like I'm always forgetting something. I have two jobs because one wasn't enough to pay my bills. I work about 15 hours a day, six days a week. I find that I can hardly get everything done. Trying to do my laundry and clean my apartment become second to everything. Even grocery shopping is hard to keep up when I have so little time off. I don't mean to complain, but I don't know how to manage my time. -- Frustrated, Bronx, New York

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Especially since your time is so tight, it is essential for you to maintain a written schedule. I make a daily to-do list that I write in the evening and execute the next day. I include everything on my list, from what time I have to be at work to drinking water and calling my mother. I used to only include work-related tasks, but I discovered that all of my personal needs were being forgotten. So I expanded my list and put myself on top.

You can do the same. Break down your time off into manageable chunks, such as 15-minute intervals. Include exercise, grocery shopping, cleaning your home, having fun and relaxing into those moments. If you stick to your list, over time you will discover that you will be much better able to enjoy the fullness of each moment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister invited me to go on a cruise with her -- primarily because her boyfriend just dumped her and they were going to go together. It's a very nice invitation, but I'm worried that I will end up being her shrink for 10 days. She is a mess after this breakup. While I love her, I don't know if I can handle listening to her drone on and on about what happened when I do not have the skills to heal her. How can I go and be supportive without being overwhelmed? -- One Foot In, Shreveport, La.

DEAR ONE FOOT IN: You have to decide what you can handle. Know that you probably will be in the same cabin as your sister. Usually these are close quarters. If you choose to go, you may want to make a plan with your sister for time out, meaning when you are in the cabin and quiet as well as when you are off on your own and not with her. Talk to your sister about your desire to be there for her and your concern that you are not equipped to be her therapist. Be crystal clear with her that you have to have boundaries in order for this trip to work for both of you.

Be prepared to do things to refresh yourself so that you have time each day to support your sister. Since she is emotionally fragile, you may want to invite her to participate in fun activities that will engage her and get her mind off her sorrows.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never been one to buy a lot of presents for the holiday season. I like to spend time with my friends and family, but I don't believe in going broke in order to give somebody something they may not even want or like. When I mention that I don't so much believe in gift-giving, though, sometimes I get pushback. It's almost as if you are expected to give a person a gift if you are friends. I get it if the person is a child, but is it so important to give gifts to your friends at work and at church? I don't want to do it. I give cards sometimes, but usually I just like to spend time with them. How can I get across the notion that I believe time together is more valuable than a thing? -- Wanting to Connect, Chicago

DEAR WANTING TO CONNECT: I love your idea of giving the gift of time. One way that you may be able to get your idea across to your friends so that they welcome it is by writing each of them a card saying that you are offering them the gift of a special experience with you. Invite someone to tea or another for a walk. Invite one to dinner, to the movies or even for a quiet visit at home. Get creative in your invitations so that your friends see that you truly value this experience you are recommending. You may be able to turn their attention to what you value most -- the engagement with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband never buys me anything for Christmas even though I have told him for years that it is important to me to receive a holiday gift -- even if it is of small monetary value. I grew up with a Christmas tree and all the trimmings. We go home to my family every year for Christmas, and almost invariably I am the only one with no gift from a spouse. He seems to be oblivious. But this is after I have told him at least 10 times. I even remind him sometimes a few weeks before Christmas. What can I do to get him to care about me in the way that makes me happy? -- Snubbed, Baltimore

DEAR SNUBBED: It could be that your husband truly is disconnected from the gift-giving tradition of Christmas, so he just doesn't care. It could also be something deeper. Does your husband feel like you pay attention to what he values? It is possible that the two of you have gotten into a rut without realizing it.

Apart from holiday gifts, is there any other place in your relationship where you feel unheard or unappreciated? More, can you identify ways that you may be denying him something that he values? If you can look under the skin of your marriage and notice where you two can both improve in how you engage each other, you may be able to find ways to make each other happy. You do something he likes, and he does something you like.

Meanwhile, buy yourself a present and put it under the tree this year!