DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved into a basement apartment of a one-family house. My property owner lives on the first floor of the home, and he is a religious person. I have a separate entrance, and I plan to have female friends visit from time to time. Because my property owner is very religious, I think there may be an issue with bringing female company over to my apartment. Do you think I should let him know in advance, or is it none of his business who I bring over to my place? -- Mostly Happy Tenant, Brooklyn, N.Y.

DEAR MOSTLY HAPPY TENANT: It sounds like you knew that your property owner was religious before you moved into his house. While as a renter you have the legal right to invite whomever you want into your home, you also suspect that this man will consider your planned behavior disrespectful.

Is it worth it for you to entertain lady friends in a way that will incite anger, disappointment or other negative emotions? Do you intend to stay there short-term or for a while? I ask because you probably don't want to cause friction from the start. It can make it far more difficult to be invited to renew your lease.

A compromise could be to have company for dinner but not allow her to spend the night. It may seem old school, but to your landlord it will simply seem respectful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm away at college and have been having trouble with my friends at school. There have been a number of arguments, and recently there was a fistfight between girls. My friends divided into two camps, and one girl keeps threatening to attack the other group. I want to be able to be cordial with all of them, but it's hard because both sides isolated me for two weeks when I chose not to take a side. There are about eight of us involved, most of whom I considered to be my friend group, and they are divided between the two sides. I am in the middle with one friend, kind of by ourselves. How do I address them and come to a common ground of understanding and respect? Pariah, Syracuse, N.Y.

DEAR PARIAH: When women (or men for that matter) resort to violence in order to handle their differences, you bet you are in volatile circumstances! It often takes a lot of time for everyone to cool off. But their behavior is inexcusable, and isolating you because you refused to take sides is a sign that bullying is going on.

Can you turn the tide for you and your friend group? Maybe. You can invite all of the girls in question to get together. From the start, tell them that you care about all of them and wish that you could renew your friendship. You cannot force them to make that choice, though. Ask a neutral party with authority -- possibly from your college's security staff -- to be present during this chat to ensure that violence does not break out again.

DEAR HARRIETTE: About three months into my first semester at college, I had friends from home over for the weekend. We all got a message from our freshman Facebook group where the girl next door wrote that the girls next door to her (meaning us) are really loud and need to be quiet. My friends and I thought it would be funny to all "like" the message.

One of my friends thought it would be a good idea to see what other social media pages she might be writing about us on. We looked her up and found her Twitter account, which was public. We scrolled through the messages and found she had been writing about us for some time. We were curious to see how far the messages went and were able to trace them back to the first weekend on campus. She wrote things like "the girls next door are ratchet," "they are slutty," and that she would kill us in a heartbeat if she could. Numerous people she was friends with on Twitter commented that it was racist and that they hoped that we see what she's been writing about us. Her response was she was afraid to actually confront us because we are black and we would kill her.

We took screenshots of all the messages and texted them to our residence adviser, who informed campus police and our area coordinator, and they came to talk to us the next night. We then received an email from the dean of student life to meet about the issue, but after the meeting, we have not heard a response as to what will happen next. School is starting up again, and I want to know how to be safe when I don't know if this girl is serious or not. -- Unsafe, Newton, Miss.

DEAR UNSAFE: Given the rash of school violence at colleges across the United States, it is wise for you to be concerned about your safety after a student -- your next-door neighbor -- threatened, in writing, to kill you. Even if this was a joke, it is not funny, and your school administrators should take it very seriously.

If you haven't already, tell your parents about this incident in detail. Show them the captured Twitter messages. When you get back to school, speak to your RA and the dean of student life and ask for an update. If you get no response, go higher, all the way up to the president of the university if needed.

Too often threatening, racially charged behavior goes unchecked in a college setting. Who knows why this young woman went on a Twitter crusade about you and your friends? Could be you ticked her off because of the noise. Could be she has no friends and is jealous of you and yours. Her behavior could be harmless, if rude. But because it could also escalate to dangerous proportions, you deserve to be updated on how your college is handling the matter. Enlist your parents' help if you continue to get no answers.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom told me that my 10-year-old cousin passed away. My family went to the funeral, but I could not go because I was working a summer job and was not allowed to leave. Everyone else visited with my uncle either before or after the funeral except for me. I usually call and check in, but I hadn't talked to him since she passed. I felt uncomfortable addressing her death because I didn't know how he was doing. I wanted to be able to talk to him and be supportive of him without stepping over personal boundaries regarding where he was in his personal journey, so when I called I didn't mention my cousin's death and neither did he.

Now, six months later, we still haven't talked about it. How do you talk to a family member about the death of his child in a way that is respectful of his space, but also thoughtful? Should I leave it alone since he hasn't mentioned it? Or is it okay to talk about it? -- Sad and Unsure, Rochester, N.Y.

DEAR SAD AND UNSURE: Losing a child is one of the most difficult losses a parent or family can experience. That you were unable to be there for the funeral and to participate in that rite of closure is making it challenging for you to handle personally, in addition to your concern about your uncle.

For your own good, talk to your mother about your thoughts and feelings, and talk to a school counselor if you need more support. In addition, continue to contact your uncle to check in on him. When you feel comfortable, you can ask him how he is managing. But there's no need to pry. You may want to wait until you next see him to talk about your shared loss. If you haven't connected before her birthday, be sure to contact him then to tell him that you miss her on her special day and that you love him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never written in before, but after reading the letter from "On the Brink" today, I knew I had to write. While your answer addressed the parenting issues involved in the problem [of a young girl whose mother bought her a training bra and whose father did not approve], it didn't address that this girl might be developing earlier than her husband's sister.

When a girl starts wearing a training bra should absolutely not be based on age. It should be based on when she needs one. If my parents had waited until I was 13 before allowing me to wear a bra, I would never have owned a training bra, as by that age I was already developed enough to require a real bra.

This husband has not thought this through if he thinks his daughter is better off wandering around junior high with growing boobs and no support. Not only is it uncomfortable, but I can also assure you that her classmates (the boys especially) will notice -- and talk. Anonymous, Chicago

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Young people in puberty are often terribly sensitive about their developing bodies. Anything parents can do to support them, they should. This can require managing expectations of the parents themselves.