DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I live in a rental property that my father owns. In the beginning, everybody got along. We pay our rent on time and haven't had any real issues with the place. Suddenly, my husband started showing signs of resentment and disrespect toward my father. I am confused because my dad has provided a roof over my family's head. I think my husband is upset because he took a handout from my father. How can I reinforce my husband's confidence to tell him that he is still the man for me, and not my dad? -- Daddy's Baby, Husband's Maybe, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR DADDY'S BABY, HUSBAND'S MAYBE: Talk to your husband about the blessing of family and how fortunate you are right now to be able to live in this property. Remind him that you are paying rent, so it isn't actually a handout. It is a business transaction. Even if your father gave you a discount, it is still business and should be treated as such.

Remind your husband how much you love and respect him and that nothing changes that, including living in your father's house. Tell him you are concerned about the friction between him and your father. Ask him what you can do to support him. If your husband cannot articulate his concerns and does not calm down, you may want to begin looking for another place to live that is on neutral ground. It is more important for you and your husband to cultivate a positive relationship with your family members in the long term than it is to live under your daddy's roof.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 31-year-old woman, and I recently came into a sum of money. I want to invest some money, and I am looking for a nontraditional route to do so. Putting my money into a 401(k) plan or purchasing bonds does not excite me. Do you know of any alternative ways I can invest? -- Investing in My Future, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR INVESTING IN MY FUTURE: Congratulations on choosing to do something other than spend your money on material things. Too often, people come into money and buy stuff or go on trips and blow it in a blink.

Because you are young and want to invest creatively, your best bet is to find a financial adviser who can guide you down that path. Talk to the adviser about your debt, your assets and your vision for your future. Together, you can map out a plan that will reflect your comfort as it relates to risk in investing.

You can find a financial adviser via word of mouth or by doing independent research. Some companies that are popular and well respected include prudential.com, morganstanley.com and goldmansachs.com. There are also smaller investment companies, including some in your own borough. Set up informational interviews with several advisers, and listen to their ideas on what they would suggest you do with your money. Select one based on your level of comfort.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an alcoholic. I started drinking heavily in my fraternity days in college, and I haven't stopped. It wrecked my grades, and I had to drop out of school. Drinking has had a negative impact on my life, and I want to change it. I don't want to do Alcoholics Anonymous because I've been, and it just made me want to drink more. Nor do I think rehab is the way to go.

I want to turn my life around and finish my degree to get a better job. What can I do to change my ways? -- Ready to Change, Flint, Mich.

DEAR READY TO CHANGE: Congratulations on realizing that you need to change your life. Awareness is the key to your success in kicking this addiction. You need to get help.

Start by going to your internist and getting a physical to check on your overall health. Ask your doctor to recommend a method of detoxification that may work for you. Options include going to a therapist who specializes in drug and alcohol addiction. Many alcoholics do one-on-one therapy like this or attend group therapy with a professional counselor. If you have insurance, it may help pay for counseling.

Your doctor also may suggest that you reconsider the options you say you have ruled out. Although you didn't like Alcoholics Anonymous in the past, you may want to revisit it. There are many AA meetings, so you may be able to find a different one that is more suited to you. AA is free and you can go every day, which has proved helpful for people who are trying to kick this insidious habit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: At an event, I spoke to a woman who immediately asked if I remembered her. Her face was familiar, but I didn't really know who she was. She kept insisting, and finally I had to tell her I wasn't sure. She went on to tell me that I never remember her, and it was obvious her feelings were hurt. That wasn't my intention at all.

What else could I have done? And do you think it's right for people to ask if you remember them? I feel like they're setting themselves up for a letdown. -- Embarrassed, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Usually a friendly greeting is enough to satisfy people when you see them. What people want most is to be acknowledged. Of course, it's best to state the person's name if you know it. But if you don't and you are asked that question, you could say, "I know your face but don't remember why. Will you remind me?" Then it's on the other person to fill in the blanks.

I would strongly advise against asking someone if he or she remembers you, though. Instead, you could help out the person by saying your name and adding something like, "I met you last year at X event," or whatever the reminder might be. That way, you reinforce your connection rather than create discomfort.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had a heart-to-heart with my 80-year-old cousin. She never married but seemed to have a good life. I wanted to know why she never got married. She's attractive. She is smart. She has good manners. I figured she would have had suitors back then who would have loved to be with her.

She told me she had fallen in love when she was in her 20s, but the man didn't want to marry her. Because her heart was with him, she didn't think it would be right to marry somebody else. She teared up a little as she told me, but she said she thought she made the right decision.

I felt really sad for her. I also wondered if I will ever meet "the one." What if I don't find somebody I'm head-over-heels for? Should I stay single forever? -- Spinster in Training, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR SPINSTER IN TRAINING: Your cousin shared her truth with you. If she wholeheartedly believes that her heart was locked with that man, then she is right to not try to force herself to love someone else. She may not have felt capable of loving someone else fully.

Is that sad? I think so, because it's likely your cousin has a lot of love that she could have shared with someone who would have shared his love with her.

Please remember that you are not your cousin. She told you her story. Now you have to figure out your own.

You will have to assess whether you have found "the one" with whom you can build a life. It's wise to actually write down a list of the character traits you admire in a partner. Be as clear as you can about what inspires and motivates you. Then, as you meet potential suitors, you may have a better chance of noticing someone who is a perfect match for you.

Stop worrying about your cousin's story. She chose to live her life in a particular way. Now it's time for you to make your own choices.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father died 10 years ago. Every year, my mother wants the family to make a pilgrimage to visit his grave. I rarely go. She is insistent this year because it's the 10th anniversary of his death. I hate cemeteries. Do I have to go? -- Creeped Out, Cincinnati

DEAR CREEPED OUT: Your mother would be thrilled to have you at her side. Participate in the pilgrimage for her sake. And, if you can, share a memory of your father that will make your family remember him with love. They all will appreciate your presence.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)