Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love attending dance performances. I have invited my sister to see one with me, and she said that she'd like to see me but that the dance would be boring. I suggested doing something else, but she has decided she'll "sit through" the dance performance if it means seeing me. Come on! She is not some martyr, and I want to disinvite her from this performance and plan something else. I brought up rescheduling to her, and she said she already committed so she is ready to "endure." I really don't think she's being funny and don't want her to think she's doing me any favors by entertaining what I want to see. How do I nix this performance once and for all? -- Not Going With a Buzzkill, Shreveport, LA

DEAR NOT GOING WITH A BUZZKILL: You are talking about your own sister! Pick up the phone and call her. Tell her that you don't want her to feel obligated to go to the performance with you. If she's not really into it, tell her that the two of you can do something else that you both like at another time. You will give your extra ticket to someone who will actually appreciate it.

When you talk to your sister, be kind and honest. Acknowledge that you didn't realize dance wasn't her interest. Promise to find a better fit next time. Give the ticket to someone else.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After some online snooping, I discovered that my co-worker has been making rude Facebook posts about me and my fellow co-workers. Some of these posts say, "I currently work with the type of people I hate," "Purposely eating loudly to piss off my co-workers" and "I can't wait to leave this job because my co-workers are ruining this experience." She is this way on Facebook, but when we speak to her in person, she is nothing but nice to us. This co-worker tells us about her life freely, and she does not show any signs of ill will toward us. She may not realize that her Facebook is a public profile. Half of us want to mention it to her, while the other half do not want to because she will make her Facebook private and we will not be able to snoop on her. What is the call? The office is amused yet conflicted about what to do. -- Cyber Bully, Dallas

DEAR CYBER BULLY: I vote for being upfront. So what if she hides her page later! Tell your co-worker that you have seen her comments about the people at the office on her Facebook page, and they hurt your feelings. Tell her that you and your fellow co-workers like her and thought that she liked you, too. Ask her what upsets her about the team. Tell her you would prefer she tell you to your face rather than speak negatively about you on social media.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Though the warmer months are behind us, I still want to work on shedding a couple of pounds so I feel lighter. I do not have a lot of extra time on my hands, but I try to exercise frequently. Do you have any tips and tricks on how to maintain a healthy lifestyle? I try to walk as often as I can, but I may need more help on the nutritional side of weight loss. -- Bikini Body, New Haven, Connecticut

DEAR BIKINI BODY: You are speaking the language of so many of us these days. Busyness often gets in the way of fitness. And even those folks who do exercise a lot may not be doing enough if what they are putting into their bodies is not serving them well. Ideally, you may want to have a consultation with a nutritionist who can review what you ingest and make specific recommendations for what to eliminate and what is healthy to eat as you work to shed pounds. Another option is to join Weight Watchers. Many people have used this affordable program to lose weight and keep it off. In general, eliminating sugar and reducing carbohydrates are always recommended for weight loss and overall good health. Get the support you need to set you on the right track.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have liked a boy I'll call "Jacob" for years now. Recently, his friend "Daniel" developed feelings for me. I really want a chance with Jacob, and I am annoyed that Daniel's feelings may have instilled some sort of "bro code" between the two friends. I do not want Jacob to write me off because of Daniel's crush. Is there anything I can say or do to get Daniel off my back and get Jacob to like me? -- Crushing Crushes, Detroit

DEAR CRUSHING CRUSHES: Does Jacob have any idea that you have feelings for him? Given that your crush has lasted for years without consequence, it is likely that either Jacob does not know, or he is not interested. Either possibility puts you in an awkward situation.

If you want to go for it and make sure Jacob knows of your interest, tell him. Directly and privately confess your interest in him, and tell him you would like to give the two of you a chance to see if there's a potential relationship worth building. If he says something about Daniel, acknowledge that you know Daniel has recently expressed interest in you, but your interest is, and has always been, in him. If you are clear that you do not want to date Daniel regardless of what Jacob decides, say as much.

Be prepared that Jacob may not share your interest. This is important because you have to manage your feelings. Given that you have been friendly for a long time without any shared sparks flying, it could be that this is a one-sided experience. You need to be ready to walk away from him with dignity if he shows no interest.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I have moved in together and are discovering a lot of habits we didn't know the other had. For example, she is not a morning person, and she prefers not to speak before coffee. I tend to be messy and leave my belongings around the house. These aren't unlivable qualities, but my girlfriend told me that if she could tolerate me leaving my stuff around, I should be able to wait until she has her coffee to broach the day's topics with her. I thought that was so rude of her. I just have a bad habit of leaving things out. I try to clean up after myself, but sometimes I forget. Her "habit," on the other hand, is a demand. She can talk if she's awake! Is the right thing to respect her demand or tell her to get over it? -- Bad Habits, Atlanta

DEAR BAD HABITS: I hate to break it to you, but your habit is as bad as your girlfriend's -- and likely far more disruptive. Your girlfriend needing quiet time in the morning, likely not more than an hour, may be difficult for you, but after that period of silence, she is open to talk. Consider this time her meditation space. On the other hand, your mess lingers day in and day out and probably affects the overall appearance of your home at all times. I'm sorry, but my vote is for you to give your girlfriend her space AND clean up your mess. If you need help becoming tidy, you may want to ask her to help you create systems for cleanliness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not sure why, but God gave me a picky eater. Getting my child to eat anything remotely healthy involves melting cheese on it or smothering it in ketchup. Neither my husband nor I have shown her that this behavior is acceptable. We both eat extremely well, and only have ketchup in the house to make sure our daughter eats. She thinks practically everything is yucky, and I have no clue who told her that yogurt, oatmeal or even fruits are "yucky." She is 4 years old. Are there any tricks to make her stop thinking the best nourishment is "ewie"? -- Picky Toddler, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR PICKY TODDLER: Top of the list is that your daughter needs to understand who is in charge and that the food that you give her is what you expect her to eat. You need to be stern about this, even as you search for healthy options she may like. One way to tantalize her palate may be to choose colorful foods to add to her meal, like carrots or strawberries. Take your daughter apple picking, where she herself picks the apples and places them in a bag. She may be inspired to eat from her harvest. Invite your daughter to help you cook. Let her do small things, like wash vegetables and dry them off. She may grow more interested in the overall cuisine of your home if she gets involved in food preparation.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)