Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I try to stay as fit as I can, and I go to the gym once a day. I never ask anyone to go with me, because I know my friends don't like to exercise and think I'm a health nut. Instead of me imposing on them to join my fitness schedule, my friends have actually been trying to persuade me to stop going to the gym! This offends me; I never try to change people or impose my beliefs on them. Running and exercise make me happy, so I go to the gym alone at night. My friends think that my schedule affects them because I'm at the gym during dinnertime or later at night, so I'm not always available for social outings. If I ever quipped back that maybe they should go to the gym instead of me skipping, it would definitely start problems, but I'm really sick of them telling me I'm "too healthy" or taking out their gym insecurities on me. How do I get them to stop trying to denigrate my fitness? -- Solo Gym Rat, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR SOLO GYM RAT: Ignore them when they go on about your fitness regimen. Spend time with them when you can. And I highly recommend that you add a friend or two from your "healthy" world so that you have the option of hanging out with them on occasion.

Your gym life is like a boyfriend in your friend's eyes. Though they may be happy for you, they are also jealous that it's taking up too much of "their" time. It's a no-win situation. One way you can be OK with it is to remind them that you love them, that you intend to keep up your fitness schedule and that you would appreciate it if they would stop complaining.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been trying to make some extra money recently. I applied for a job I really thought I'd be great for. The only issue is, I never heard back. This was not an incredibly difficult job out of my reach, and I was very excited about making some money and expanding my resume. I'm slightly bummed, but I'm more confused. It's been over a week since I applied, and I did not get a rejection or an acceptance. Did they not receive my application? Do jobs not reject people anymore and just ignore them? -- Failed Job Hunter, Denver

DEAR FAILED JOB HUNTER: Have some patience. A week is not a long time for a potential employer to be silent. Unless you were told you would hear back quickly, chances are, the company is still considering options or may even still be interviewing people. If you want to do something proactive, you can write to your contact there to remind him of how excited you are about the possibility of working there. Say something about your skill and interest in the job. Tell him that you are hopeful that the job will be yours.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: After a swim class, I went into the shower immediately and forgot my towel. I realized my forgetfulness too late, so I was stuck with either putting my chlorine-filled bathing suit back on or quickly streaking to my locker. I had just showered, so I tried to cover myself as best I could while walking the 30 feet to my belongings. As I was passing, a woman rolled her eyes at me. This was in a locker room, and although I know times have changed, people used to be naked in there all the time. I didn't want to do anything that would bring attention to me, so I pretended to not see her get angry over something that people have the right to do in locker rooms. If this were to happen again, I would snap back, but my best friend told me I am not certain why the woman was rolling her eyes and may be hypersensitive. I think there is no other possibility than it being at me! -- Streaker, Syracuse, New York

DEAR STREAKER: Relax. It is hardly the end of the world that you forgot your towel. I'm sure you were as discreet as you could be under the circumstances. Hopefully you won't forget your towel in the future, but if you do, there's no need to "snap back." Instead, stay focused on getting to your locker and getting dressed. A locker room is a place where people commonly are naked, if only momentarily.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to think there was a social etiquette regarding headphones. Specifically, that if someone had his headphones in, he did not want to be spoken to unless it was absolutely necessary. I guess I must have made that up, because my girlfriend will speak to me regardless of what I'm doing at home and expect me to listen. It's been driving me nuts; I like to have my personal time, but if she wants to tell a story or speak to me for whatever reason, she will say it from across the apartment and get peeved that I didn't listen. I didn't even hear her speaking! I told her I'd like to have some quiet time when I have my headphones in, but she insists her stories and questions are quick and important. I have wanted to bring up the fact that it is unspoken social etiquette not to bother someone when he has headphones in. Am I in the wrong, or is my girlfriend in the wrong? -- Quiet Time, Detroit

DEAR QUIET TIME: In order to have peaceful quiet time, you and your girlfriend need to talk about boundaries, expectations and ways of living together. As much as people may love each other, learning to live together is a completely different matter. Schedule a time when the two of you bring your ideas to the table -- your likes, dislikes, preferences and habits. Learn about each other's pet peeves, and figure out how to give each other the space to be yourselves and stay connected. That includes agreeing on how to respond to headphones!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love attending dance performances. I have invited my sister to see one with me, and she said that she'd like to see me but that the dance would be boring. I suggested doing something else, but she has decided she'll "sit through" the dance performance if it means seeing me. Come on! She is not some martyr, and I want to disinvite her from this performance and plan something else. I brought up rescheduling to her, and she said she already committed so she is ready to "endure." I really don't think she's being funny and don't want her to think she's doing me any favors by entertaining what I want to see. How do I nix this performance once and for all? -- Not Going With a Buzzkill, Shreveport, LA

DEAR NOT GOING WITH A BUZZKILL: You are talking about your own sister! Pick up the phone and call her. Tell her that you don't want her to feel obligated to go to the performance with you. If she's not really into it, tell her that the two of you can do something else that you both like at another time. You will give your extra ticket to someone who will actually appreciate it.

When you talk to your sister, be kind and honest. Acknowledge that you didn't realize dance wasn't her interest. Promise to find a better fit next time. Give the ticket to someone else.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After some online snooping, I discovered that my co-worker has been making rude Facebook posts about me and my fellow co-workers. Some of these posts say, "I currently work with the type of people I hate," "Purposely eating loudly to piss off my co-workers" and "I can't wait to leave this job because my co-workers are ruining this experience." She is this way on Facebook, but when we speak to her in person, she is nothing but nice to us. This co-worker tells us about her life freely, and she does not show any signs of ill will toward us. She may not realize that her Facebook is a public profile. Half of us want to mention it to her, while the other half do not want to because she will make her Facebook private and we will not be able to snoop on her. What is the call? The office is amused yet conflicted about what to do. -- Cyber Bully, Dallas

DEAR CYBER BULLY: I vote for being upfront. So what if she hides her page later! Tell your co-worker that you have seen her comments about the people at the office on her Facebook page, and they hurt your feelings. Tell her that you and your fellow co-workers like her and thought that she liked you, too. Ask her what upsets her about the team. Tell her you would prefer she tell you to your face rather than speak negatively about you on social media.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)