Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate has a huge cold sore on her face. I don't know much about cold sores, but when I looked them up, I read that they are extremely contagious. We live in fairly close quarters, and I am paranoid that I might catch this. My roommate has not mentioned anything to me about this being contagious. She says it's painful to talk, and I have found a note from the health center about the sore on her face. I want to disinfect everything, but I do not want to seem rude by protecting myself. Is there a tactful way to ask her about how contagious this is? I feel like I deserve to know if there is a chance that I will catch this. -- Suspicious Sores, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SUSPICIOUS SORES: Given that you live with this woman, you do have a right to ask her about her cold sore. Tell her that you read that cold sores are contagious. Ask her what the doctor told her about her condition. Based on what you read, tell her that you want both of you to be super conscientious about keeping your home clean to reduce the risk of infection.

My research says that once a person has the herpes virus, which causes cold sores, the person is contagious, even if cold sores aren't apparent. So you must be vigilant. Do not share beauty products, especially lip balm or lipstick. Do not share anything that goes in your mouth. While this may seem harsh, you should not share eating utensils either. Also, be sure to thoroughly wash all cooking items.

Being hygienic is smart for everyone. It is critical when you are living with someone who has a contagious disease.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I thought following my preteen cousin on Twitter would be a great way to bring us closer. An hour or so after I followed her, my phone would not show me her account or tweets. After I Googled why this would happen, I realized she blocked me! I'm offended and cannot believe she does not want me to follow her. I thought younger people loved followers! I am not sure if I should contact her to ask why. Admittedly, I am more than a few years older than her, but I just wanted to know what was going on in her life without having to pry through her mother. I considered making a fake account to see if she'd allow this account to follow her. I was not suspicious of what she was up to until she blocked me; I did not even have enough time to see the tweets as I planned to look after work. Should I see if a secret account fools her? -- Tight-Lipped Twitter, Los Angeles

DEAR TIGHT-LIPPED TWITTER: As children are developing their independence, the last thing they typically want is to be followed by family elders. You should have asked her if you could connect on social media before doing so. Your appearance could have been jarring to her. Unless her mother wants you to follow her secretively, you should leave her alone. You can tell her mother that she blocked you so she is on the lookout for what the communication is between your niece and her friends.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my friend's home today. We went out to eat with her family. My friend has a sister, Beth, who has Tourette's and mental disabilities. Beth's tics are frequent, and I noticed people looking over at us as she had them. This was my first experience being stared at in a restaurant, and I felt so sympathetic to my friend's family, who has learned to ignore the stares. During the meal, someone came up and asked what Beth was doing. I was astonished by how brazen this was. The mother politely explained that Beth has uncontrollable tics. I always assumed it would never be the family's responsibility to explain a disability to a nosey stranger. Should the mother have told the stranger to get away from our table? -- None of Their Business, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS: Observing your friend's mother was wise of you. This family has had to learn how to navigate their everyday life with a child who has noticeable disabilities. The mom has an appropriate amount of compassion for others who notice her daughter's tics and are curious. Rather than being offended, she takes the position that she must educate others. This is probably the easiest way to manage. Your friend's mom knows that unless you have witnessed or had to deal with someone with such a disorder, you likely have no idea what it is or how to behave when you see it happening.

This doesn't mean that people in a restaurant or other establishment should feel they have the right to ask what's wrong with a person in your party. People should mind their business. But if someone approaches respectfully, giving context to the disabled person's condition may be the easiest way to end the engagement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend has just confessed to me that his dad has been unfaithful to his mother for years. My boyfriend just found this out, and he does not know if his parents will be getting divorced. I have already made the decision to not tell my parents because I have heard their opinions about cheating. Now I do not know how to act when I see his dad; I have lost so much respect for him. This cheating has been going on my boyfriend's whole life. I have never had to deal with something like this in my family. Do I pretend to not know about this when I speak to his father? -- Cheating Scum, Baltimore

DEAR CHEATING SCUM: As hard as it may be to keep your mouth shut, you must. This is completely not your business. What happens between your boyfriend's parents is their concern. Since you and your boyfriend are close and he just learned, I understand why he told you. You can be a good listener as he processes this information, but be mindful not to be judgmental with him. These are his parents. He will go through a range of emotions. Just be there for him. Love him. Listen, and keep your opinions to yourself.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I try to stay as fit as I can, and I go to the gym once a day. I never ask anyone to go with me, because I know my friends don't like to exercise and think I'm a health nut. Instead of me imposing on them to join my fitness schedule, my friends have actually been trying to persuade me to stop going to the gym! This offends me; I never try to change people or impose my beliefs on them. Running and exercise make me happy, so I go to the gym alone at night. My friends think that my schedule affects them because I'm at the gym during dinnertime or later at night, so I'm not always available for social outings. If I ever quipped back that maybe they should go to the gym instead of me skipping, it would definitely start problems, but I'm really sick of them telling me I'm "too healthy" or taking out their gym insecurities on me. How do I get them to stop trying to denigrate my fitness? -- Solo Gym Rat, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR SOLO GYM RAT: Ignore them when they go on about your fitness regimen. Spend time with them when you can. And I highly recommend that you add a friend or two from your "healthy" world so that you have the option of hanging out with them on occasion.

Your gym life is like a boyfriend in your friend's eyes. Though they may be happy for you, they are also jealous that it's taking up too much of "their" time. It's a no-win situation. One way you can be OK with it is to remind them that you love them, that you intend to keep up your fitness schedule and that you would appreciate it if they would stop complaining.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been trying to make some extra money recently. I applied for a job I really thought I'd be great for. The only issue is, I never heard back. This was not an incredibly difficult job out of my reach, and I was very excited about making some money and expanding my resume. I'm slightly bummed, but I'm more confused. It's been over a week since I applied, and I did not get a rejection or an acceptance. Did they not receive my application? Do jobs not reject people anymore and just ignore them? -- Failed Job Hunter, Denver

DEAR FAILED JOB HUNTER: Have some patience. A week is not a long time for a potential employer to be silent. Unless you were told you would hear back quickly, chances are, the company is still considering options or may even still be interviewing people. If you want to do something proactive, you can write to your contact there to remind him of how excited you are about the possibility of working there. Say something about your skill and interest in the job. Tell him that you are hopeful that the job will be yours.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)