Boyfriend's Food Etiquette Bugs Reader

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother always made sure I was taught proper dining etiquette from a young age. I am very thankful to her, and I feel confident in most dining situations. I have noticed my boyfriend commits one of the faux pas of dining etiquette; he cuts up all of his food before he starts to eat. I haven't mentioned it to him at the risk of seeming old-fashioned, but I do feel a little bit embarrassed for him when this behavior occurs when we're out to dinner. I do not expect us millennials to be uptight about etiquette, but nice manners always make a man more appealing. How can I broach this subject without becoming a preacher or, worse, a mother? I just want him to be the best he can be, but these dining habits are just hurting him. -- Cut As You Eat, New Haven, Connecticut

DEAR CUT AS YOU EAT: I say just tell him. You can broach the topic by admitting that you grew up in a household where you had to learn every single rule of the table. Admit that it may have been a tad annoying when you were young, but you appreciate today what you learned.

Tell your boyfriend that you don't want him to be mad at you, but you want to give him a tip you learned early on that seems to make a difference at the dinner table. Unless you are a kid and you need your mommy to cut up your food, you are supposed to cut off one -- or maybe two -- pieces of meat, veggies, whatever it is, and eat. As your moniker implies, cut as you go. If he poo-poos your suggestion, you can point out that, like it or not, the way that people eat is noticed. Why have a faux pas stand in the way of an otherwise awesome dining experience?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've recently become a vegan, and I was a vegetarian before that. I am planning on taking a vacation with my friends in January. We will be visiting Italy and Spain. I've been thinking about my dietary restrictions regarding this trip. I have read before that some cultures consider dietary restrictions (without medical cause) to be bad manners because of the culture's ingrained food history and traditions. Visiting countries with notoriously delicious food and not being able to eat most of it is causing me to be on the fence about veganism. I do not think these countries are as understanding of veganism. Should I break my convictions for a trip? I feel as though food is an important part of the culture, and I am not sure if I'd even be able to eat at any restaurants without the use of butter, other dairy and eggs. -- Vegan Vacation, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR VEGAN VACATION: You must assess why you are vegan. If you are considering breaking your rules for a trip, it may be that you are OK with being flexible about your eating habits. That could be fine, but you must know that adding items to your diet that you haven't consumed for a long time could be hard to digest.

Do your research. Figure out what you think you can and cannot eat. Bring dry foods to tide you over. While you do not have to push veganism on your trip, you may be able to find "clean" foods that do not use some of the ingredients that you currently avoid.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife's aunt is on the verge of passing away, and I need to know how to talk to my children about death. My children are 5 and 7 years old. I do not want to scare them, but I want them to have an understanding about death. I am not sure if they should attend the funeral. They have met their great aunt multiple times, but I am not really sure if they could handle the funeral or even understand what is going on. Any insight you have into this would be great. We've just told the children that Mommy's aunt is sick and in the hospital whenever my wife visits her. -- Talking About Death, Syracuse, New York

DEAR TALKING ABOUT DEATH: The mystery of death is hard to explain -- even to adults. Yet I firmly believe that we should not shield our children from it. More, we should teach them about it and have them participate. You may want to pull out photographs of your wife's aunt to show them. Ask your kids if they remember her. Tell them that she is not feeling well, which is why Mommy is visiting her. Ease in to the fact that she is an older woman who is not well and probably will be passing away soon. That means she will no longer be here to spend time with you, but that she will be in heaven -- if you believe in heaven. Explain that heaven is the place where people go to be with God. They are safe there, and they can watch over us from above.

If you do not believe in heaven, tell your kids that her body will die, but you will always remember her in your hearts. Show them pictures of other family members who may no longer be alive, and point out how you keep their memories alive by looking at pictures and telling stories about them.

Explain that when people die, there is a ceremony to celebrate their lives, and it is called a funeral. Tell them that some people are happy at funerals because they remember all of the great things about the person being celebrated, and others are sad because they miss the person -- and some people have both feelings. Let them know that they will be going with you to the celebration of the aunt's life when she dies, and it's OK to feel whatever they do. You will talk about it afterward.

Invite them to talk to you about their thoughts and feelings about death. Listen carefully, and answer as simply as you can to whatever they ask. The more at ease you are with explaining this aspect of life, the easier it will be for them to be at peace. Since death is a part of life, you should not pretend that they shouldn't know it yet.

There are many good books available that are age-appropriate and may be of help. Here is a link to several of them: childrensbooksguide.com/death.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, one of my co-workers was fired, and I'm finding it hard to keep going to work. He was my confidant, someone with whom I could complain about our supervisors, and a huge part of the reason I loved work. Now that he is gone, I don't know what to do. I can't follow him around in life, but I need to find something I love about work to keep me going. I lost my work sidekick, and without him, work is incredibly drab. How can I boost my spirits with this work environment shift? -- Man Down, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR MAN DOWN: It is time for you to focus on yourself and your goals. What do you want to get out of work? Can you figure out a path to getting a raise or otherwise improving the quality of your work? If you can come up with a plan for improving yourself, it may take the edge off of losing your friend.

On another note, you can decide to do good. During this season of giving, can you suggest a charitable activity that your company may want to adopt? By zooming in on others who are in need and figuring out ways to support them, you will likely come in contact with new team members, or at lease engage them differently. This can lift your spirits as well as the spirits of those around you.

Finally, you can stay in touch with your friend and schedule periodic "dates" to get together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a great experience at a career convention recently. One of the speakers said that your career path experience shows you where you want to be. This truly resonated with me and helped me in directing my career. For any readers or letter writers, if you feel lost in your career path, I recommend going to a career convention and looking at your past experience to shape your future. I was a wreck with picking what I wanted to do, and now I feel as though I have direction. Just a note of encouragement to lost readers! -- New Job Horizons, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR NEW JOB HORIZONS: Thank you for sharing your good experience. As the year draws to an end, many people question what they are doing in their lives and if they are making the right decisions. You are absolutely right that a career conference can help you to figure out if there's something you should bone up on, if there is something else out there that you may not have considered and whether there are connections ready to be made to expand your pool of resources.

I strongly recommend networking -- when you are in a positive frame of mind. What you do not want to do is to go out into a business or social setting and complain about your shortcomings or doubts. Choose to be positive and to look for opportunity when you attend these functions. Resist moaning about what isn't working. Say what your hopes are. In this way, you can draw like-minded people to you.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)