DEAR HARRIETTE: My work causes me to take four business trips throughout the year. Other co-workers have much more frequent, and shorter, trips to New York, Miami and Dallas. I consider myself lucky that I only have to travel quarterly and for a few days at a time. I have been at this job for just over a year now, and every time I have gone away, I Skype with my wife. I am typically away for four to five days, and each time I've gone away, my wife has broken down.

She does miss me, but she is mostly stressed because I am not there to split chores with her, so she must work and take care of our three young children alone. She does not want to take days off when we could use those on a family vacation. What can I do to make my business trips bearable instead of dreadful for my wife and stressful for me? Everything seems to unravel at home when I leave, and it affects my performance at work. -- Traveling Father, Detroit

DEAR TRAVELING FATHER: You may be able to help the family by getting your wife help. If a family member lives nearby, ask him or her to step in when you are away. Or hire someone to support with housework and the children. She may not like this at first, but she has to learn to adjust to your schedule. When you talk to her, stay positive and assure her that it will all work out. Select a helper who is strong and compassionate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a personal assistant whom I rely on for many things, mostly scheduling. As I was on my way to the airport for a family vacation, he called me and frantically explained he forgot to buy a ticket for one of my children. After I spent a good half-hour negotiating a seat, the flight went off without a hitch. Upon arrival, the rooms that I had wanted booked didn't have the proper number of beds in them.

I was very angry with my assistant, but I wanted to enjoy my vacation, so I told him I'd speak to him when I got back. My wife and mother-in-law told me to spare him because he's young, and this is the first mistake he's made. I was still angry. I pay him pretty well, and he has reasonable hours. Should I give him another chance or fire him for not doing what I ask him to? These two fumbles could have ruined my vacation. -- Mad Boss, Dallas

DEAR MAD BOSS: This is not the moment for a firing. Instead, it is the perfect time for teaching. Your assistant messed up. Talk to him about the importance of paying attention to details. Explain to him what his checklist should look like so that he doesn't miss important duties. There is a good chance that he doesn't know how to think through all of the moving parts the way that you consider to be basic steps. Teach him how to take care of you. And go over your schedule with him before each major activity until you feel confident that he has it under control.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I baby-sit for the child next door, and he seems to be growing up quickly. This little boy, "Jake," curses like a sailor! Jake is 6 years old. I am not sure if it is his parents who use this type of language around him, or if he picks it up in school. As soon as his parents leave, he speaks in a slew of four-letter words. Jake even asks me what these words mean. I pretend not to know them, but he says, "all grown-ups know what they mean."

I feel like I'm in over my head. I'm not going to tell Jake the meaning of the bad words, but confronting his parents makes it seem like they've raised a rowdy child. Should I just hope this passes over? I would feel pretty embarrassed around my neighbors if they thought I was accusing them of teaching their young son these words. -- No Potty Mouth, Dallas

DEAR NO POTTY MOUTH: For starters, you can point out to Jake that he knows those words should not be used. Without explaining their exact meanings, you can tell him that they are rude and mean and can be hurtful when spoken. Tell him that people often say them when they are angry or upset, and point out that there are better words to use at those times. Have fun with him and make up a funny word or phrase that he can use when feeling upset, like "fiddlesticks" or "bumblehead" or anything silly.

Also speak to his parents. It is your duty as his baby sitter to report to them that he has been experimenting with profanity. Tell them you don't know the source, but you thought they should know. You can also tell them whatever word you two made up as a replacement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like a complete failure. I have been trying to push myself at work and accidentally ended up missing my niece's baptism. I overcommitted to work, and the event slipped through the cracks. By the time I was notified of the event, I was at work, and my family was at the church. I apologized, but my sister wasn't having it. She accused me of being obsessed with money and work! What can I do to make it up to my family? I feel bad I missed my niece's baptism because I overscheduled myself, but it's not like the baby will remember! -- Scheduling Issues, St. Croix, United States Virgin Islands

DEAR SCHEDULING ISSUES: Beyond apologizing, you can redeem yourself by carving out time regularly to get to know your niece. What she and your sister will remember over time is how often you have been present in her life. Unless your sister is prone to holding grudges, she should be able to see your sincere commitment to your niece as she grows up. So take a breath, evaluate your schedule and make a realistic plan that takes care of you first, your work and your family.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My home is on Long Island, and I have a small beach as part of my backyard. The sand is my property, and I enjoy spending time on the beach. I also invite my children and grandchildren to come together and play on the beach.

My friend's sister recently passed away and was cremated. I know this friend from a mahjong group I am in. I would not consider us particularly close, but she called me today and asked if she could scatter her sister's ashes on my beach. Her sister loved the beach, and my friend wanted to do it in a private place without scantily clad onlookers.

This request makes me very uncomfortable. The thought of having my grandchildren play on someone's ashes is honestly vile to me. I was given as much time as I need to think it over, and I just cannot think of what to say. I cannot have ashes scattered on my property, but I also cannot reveal my insensitive reasons as to why I don't want them scattered. What should I say when I call her back? -- No Good Spirits, Roosevelt, New York

DEAR NO GOOD SPIRITS: Your friend knew that she was making a big ask, and you do not have to agree. Indeed, you can tell her the truth -- you feel uncomfortable about her sister's remains being spread where your grandchildren play. Tell her you have great respect for the departed and know that she is doing her best to honor her sister's life.

You may want to suggest that she select her sister's favorite beach and then go there early in the morning and before the season starts to avoid having any company at all.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends has a religious room in her house. At a get-together she threw recently, she asked that only those who are of her religion come in the room or pass through. I applaud her for having a beautiful and sacred space in her home. From what I've seen, the room is spectacular.

I understand why I have never been invited in, and I give her the right to do whatever she wants in her own home. However, some guests were rubbed the wrong way and do not want to return to her home. People were saying she should've closed off the room if she didn't want to risk those who belong to other religions in it. Others have thought that she did this to brag and create an air of mystery regarding her prayer room.

I have heard a lot of flack, and I consider myself close to her. I don't want to come off as bitter, but I want to warn her about what people have been saying. Since I don't have a problem with not being let into the religious room, should I keep my mouth shut? -- Not My Territory, Denver

DEAR NOT MY TERRITORY: Since you are aware of the concern but not affected by it, you may be the perfect person to bring it up to your friend. My recommendation would be for her to close the door and open it only when her guests all share her faith. Otherwise, she is creating an awkward situation. Let her know that some guests were uncomfortable, and suggest that she be more mindful of when she reveals her sacred space.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)