DEAR HARRIETTE: On my birthday, I was overwhelmed by the number of messages and calls I got, and I ended up not responding to some. Should I respond to these messages now? It is nearly a week after my birthday, and it seems futile to respond days later, but I want to let everyone know their messages were appreciated. -- Bad Texter, Boston

DEAR BAD TEXTER: It is never too late to express gratitude. Do take the time to send a quick note to your friends who reached out to you and say thank you for their thoughtfulness. Apologize for being tardy in responding. Add that you feel so fortunate to have people who care about you.

No need to say that the huge outpouring during your birthday overwhelmed you. Just say thanks, and offer your good wishes for them and their lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-girlfriend is a little too invested in my family. My mother regularly texts her, and I get unnerved when I see her name pop up on my mom's screen. I haven't brought my new girlfriend home because of my mother's close relationship with my ex. Do I just ignore the fact that they are still in contact? My ex and I do not speak. -- Unnecessary BFFs, Denver

DEAR UNNECESSARY BFFS: You and your mother need to get on the same page. Visit her by yourself, and ask her if you can have a heart-to-heart talk. Honestly explain to her that it makes you uncomfortable that she and your ex are close. Acknowledge that you did appreciate how welcoming she was to this woman, but remind her that you are not in a relationship with her now, and you are not even speaking to each other.

Make it clear to your mother that you have a girlfriend whom you would like to bring around to meet your mom, but you have hesitated because your mother is so enmeshed with your ex. Ask your mother to sever or at least reduce her interaction with your ex so that she can create space for your new girlfriend. Further, make it clear to her that you do not want her sharing anything about your new girlfriend with your ex.

Just so you know, this situation is not as uncommon as you may think. Especially if you dated your ex for a long while and she spent considerable time with your mother, it is understandable that they developed a relationship. Still, you really do need your mother to honor your life as it is today. I will add that you should be mindful of whom you bring home. Your mother has already shown you that whomever you bring will be welcomed with open arms. Be conscious and intentional about who deserves to meet your family.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My stepfather recently contacted me about an extra dresser that is in my parent's home. He told me that I could have it, seeing as no one else wants it and there is no space for it in the home. I was happy to have a project and made it clear that I planned on painting it and upcycling the piece. The day before I picked up the dresser, my stepfather called me, strongly suggesting that I stain the wood instead of my plan. I don't want furniture with strings attached. Should I just leave this dresser? -- Don't Tell Me What to Do, Detroit

DEAR DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO: Take a deep breath and relax. Absolutely do accept the dresser, and thank your stepfather for thinking of you. Also thank him for sharing his advice for how to upcycle the dresser. Tell him you will take his ideas into consideration as you make your plan.

Your stepfather likely was thinking about how best to support you and came up with a plan that he thought would make the dresser more appealing and potentially more valuable. Men are solution-oriented, and often the way that they show their love is to give advice. Yes, it can often come across as critical and bossy. If you are able to look beyond what feels like controlling behavior and remember that your stepfather is trying to help you, it will be easier to experience gratitude, and you will be more comfortable deciding what to do with the furniture and letting him know your decision. He is not the enemy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Throughout the holiday season, I have witnessed guests asking for a tour of the home they are in. I find this to be completely rude, although some hosts graciously lead guests around their homes. I fear this will happen to me, and I definitely do not want to show people my bedroom if not necessary. My home is clean. I am just private and host on one floor only. If faced with the demand for a tour, how can I deter the guest from checking out my home? -- Private Floor, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

DEAR PRIVATE FLOOR: Relax. You get to show people what you want in your home. And you can comfortably stand your ground. Indeed, try being proactive. When folks come to visit, invite them to come into the rooms where they are welcome. You can point out highlights in those rooms, such as family photos, a stereo system, dining table, etc. If someone asks you about seeing the rest of your home, simply tell them that you entertain on this floor only. If they persist, you can say, "Sorry, but this is the only floor where I invite my guests. Please enjoy yourselves." And let that be that. You can even put up a little fence at the doorway or stair entry -- the kind used to prevent children or pets from entering a space. That sends a clear, unspoken message.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in high school, and I don't want to become like my big sister. She is my only sibling, and she turned into a party girl in high school. She now goes to a nearby college and commutes. It was her only option after getting dismissed from her first university. I want to continue my athletic career and hope that, in a few years' time, I will be good enough to receive a scholarship for a private university that my family can afford. My sister loves to chime in with advice, but I honestly use her as the poster child of what I DON'T want to be. What do I say when she asks me how my applications to community college are going? -- Not Like You, Denver

DEAR NOT LIKE YOU: Start by talking to your guidance counselor at your high school to get a sense of what your options are for college. Tell him or her your intentions, and learn which schools typically offer scholarships for athletics and academics at your grade point level. Ask for specific guidance on how to search for scholarships that match your profile.

Talk to your parents about what they can afford. Ask them to be forthcoming so that you are clear about what you will have at your disposal. Also find out if they would be willing to co-sign student loans for you if you need additional support.

With all of that information, you can speak confidently to your sister. Without being dismissive of your sister's behavior and subsequent academic limitations, outline your plan when you answer her. Explain the research you have done and the subsequent path you are following. If she continues to ask about community college, tell her that you will apply there if you find you need to do so.

FYI: Many students -- including academically solid ones -- choose community college as a first step because it provides an affordable leg up on the path to higher education.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I don't like to tell people how I get my weekend gigs. I originally got started through a job website, but now I travel through recommendations. I typically work with setting up and serving through parties, and make a few hundred bucks for the day. I have stayed mum about these jobs except to a few friends who evidently told the world. Now, I have acquaintances who are strapped for cash contacting me. This is my own hustle. I don't have to tell them where I started, right? -- My Niche, Atlanta

DEAR MY NICHE: Rather than sharing your specific resources, why not tell them your general process? There should be enough work around that you don't have to hide your good fortune. Recommend, too, that they think of what they can do well and then search around on the internet for a match.

In the future, don't talk about your creative work options if you don't want others to know. As you see, telling one person can easily mean telling all. One other note: If you have an individual friend who you think you can safely recommend to your personal network of employment, do so. But be mindful that your reputation is at stake each time you give a person your seal of approval.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)