DEAR HARRIETTE: I plan on studying abroad some time in my college career. This is probably the only opportunity I will ever have to live in another country for months at a time, and I have set my sights on a small town in South Africa. Upon mentioning my wishes to one of my friends, she exclaimed that she has been wanting to go on this program, too, for the same period of months.

I wanted this trip to be complete immersion in another culture with no safety net of friends, so I do not want to go if we both get accepted. What should I say to "Katie" about my complete 180? -- No More, Syracuse, New York

DEAR NO MORE: The big lesson here is that you talked too much. That said, I think it is shortsighted of you to give up your dream because your friend might try to go and might get in. Her possible presence during this time abroad should not have that much impact on your plans.

Can you say something to her? Yes, you can. In fact, you can be honest with her and tell her how much you wanted to go on this journey independent of any of your friends. You can ask her if she would consider going at a different time than you. Obviously, your entreaty is no guarantee that she won't go, but you can state your case.

Recognize that knowing someone when you are many miles away from home can be a comfort without being a drag. It is also possible that you may discover that some other person you know or who is from your school or city could also participate in the program at the same time. You are not the only one applying for this program. You could choose to relax, see who participates and welcome whatever experience unfolds.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How can I go about earning respect as a younger administrative employee at a company? Some of the people I work with are a decade older than me, and even though we have the same position, I still get treated like I don't know what I am talking about because of my age. My experience and education make me qualified for the job, so do I just have to wait until I get older to gain respect from my peers? -- Young'un, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR YOUNG'UN: This is a classic experience, almost a rite of passage for many young employees. While it is discriminatory for employees to be treated differently because of their age, it happens all too often. There are a few things you can do to support yourself.

Avoid getting into sparring matches with the offenders. They likely are intimidated by the new person in the office and may feel that you are either a current or future threat. Be kind to them despite their bad behavior. Dress professionally. When you look the part, it helps to deflect from your youth. Keep good records of your work and accomplishments so that if anyone attempts to claim your work as their own, you can prove what is yours. Bide your time. After the team gets to know you better, most will relax their unacceptable behavior.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently using my friend’s laptop, and a message from her boyfriend came up on the top right corner. I did not open it to read it in its entirety, but it appeared as though he was being emotionally abusive and gaslighting her in the message. How do I tell her about his manipulative techniques without my friend getting mad at me for reading her messages? -- Faux Beau, Milwaukee

DEAR FAUX BEAU: This may be a time that it is worth it for your friend to possibly be mad at you. Talk to her about what you read. Set it up carefully. Tell her that you were using her laptop when the message popped up, and you saw it. While you did not mean to break privacy, you did see the message, and it concerns you. Tell her how upset her boyfriend’s message made you because it got you worried that he is mistreating her. Ask your friend if she would like to talk about it. Ask if she is OK. Pledge that you will support her in any way that you can.

For your emotional health, know that you cannot get your friend to walk away from this man. It is completely up to her what she does next. Even if she chooses not to talk to you for a while given your breach of privacy, know that you did your part by commenting on what you saw.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends are in their mid-20s and experiencing their “last hurrah” with partying. They have been doing hard drugs. I recently had a relative pass away due to a drug overdose, so their behavior makes me scared. How do I tell them that this “last hurrah” is much more dangerous than they think? I don’t think they’ve ever had someone close to them overdose. -- Not a Party, New Orleans

DEAR NOT A PARTY: When people are immersed in drug use, they usually cannot hear others who are begging them to stop. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try. If you can be in your friends’ company at a time when they are sober, that’s your best chance of being heard. See if you can schedule breakfast or some other early activity with them.

When face to face, ask if you can speak directly to them. With their blessing, express your extreme concern for their well-being. Tell them that you know they are doing hard drugs, and you are worried for their lives. Explain that this may seem like fun now, but their behavior could kill them. Then tell them about your relative who died from an overdose. Tell them in detail who this relative was, what kind of life he had before getting involved with drugs and what the person’s demise looked like. Be graphic so that there is no question about how tragic your relative’s death was. Plead with your friends to get help so that they can stop. Tell them how much you love them and do not want to see them die.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is a gift card an impersonal gift? Sometimes I find myself too busy or at a loss for ideas when it comes time to give presents. For example, I got my friend a gift card to a store I know she likes. I felt bad, but also knew it would be put to good use. Should I have gone to the store and picked something out that she may have returned instead? -- Gift Card, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR GIFT CARD: Some of the most popular gifts these days are gift cards. Yes, they are quick and easy for the givers, but also they're like giving somebody cash to buy what he or she likes. The fact that you thought about your friend and got her a card from one of her favorite stores shows that you were being thoughtful. You could have given a gift card from American Express, Visa or Mastercard that could be used anywhere. By the way, those are great gifts as well.

One way to further personalize a gift is to buy or make a card in which you include a special note acknowledging your friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 60 years old and have been feeling that I am too old to go to professional workshops. I have only a few years left to go until I retire, and I hate how out of touch I feel when these young professionals are teaching me. Do you have any words of motivation so I can feel good about going to these again? -- Oldest One There, Atlanta

DEAR OLDEST ONE THERE: We reach different moments in our lives when everything comes into question. This occurs with greater frequency as we get older. It is your choice, however, as to how you will react to these moments. As it relates to work, one way you can stay young is to stay up to date on everything. You should take professional workshops so that you remain relevant at work. You should also welcome the young professionals who teach you what they know.

As difficult as it may seem at first, if you welcome the input of younger people and truly allow yourself to learn, you will be able to enjoy your remaining working years much better. Similarly, go online and look for tutorials that are available there. Thanks to the internet, there is so much educational material available that you should be able to help yourself to keep up with changes in your industry.

You may even want to bring ideas to your younger colleagues that you have read about in your research. Ask them if they know about particular things you discover. Your putting forth the effort will help to boost your self-esteem and show your company that you not only have experience in your favor, but you also have the willingness to continue to be a student of your industry and life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)