DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend and I ended our relationship tumultuously, and then I immediately cut him off. He tried to reach out to me a few times but eventually gave up. Months later, I find myself with questions about our relationship that only he could answer. Is it too late to try to reach out and get answers? I know nothing about his current life. If it is too late, how do I get closure on my own? -- Wanting Answers, Cleveland

DEAR WANTING ANSWERS: Think about what you hope to gain from speaking to your ex again. Be very specific in your internal inquiry so that if you decide to reach out to him, you can articulate why. Attempting to hammer through unresolved hurts and pain usually does not work. If you want to know exactly what happened at a particular time, or whether there was a behavior of yours that was offensive or off-putting, or why he chose to do X or Y, list those things.

Given that time has passed, you can reach out to him. If you have to leave him a message, tell him that you are sorry you could not speak when he tried right after the breakup, but that you are of a cooler head now. Ask him if he is willing to talk to you. If so, agree to speak on the phone or in person. Stay calm as you speak. Let him know what you want to talk about. Be willing to hear him out. Do not come with ulterior motives. Be in the present moment and see where it takes you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just started a new job and love the company culture. We have fun together but also get a lot done for the community around us. The only thing that I am petrified about is my first karaoke night. Once a month, everybody goes to the same bar, and everyone sings a song. I am a horrible singer with terrible stage fright. Would I lose all my credibility with my new co-workers if I didn't come? They are all excited to see me sing, and they often remind me that nobody has ever skipped out. -- Deer in Headlights, Milwaukee

DEAR DEER IN HEADLIGHTS: This kind of company "hazing" is all too common and surely can lead to embarrassment. Yet it is almost like a rite of passage for some people. Sounds like it is for your job.

You should let everybody know that you really can't sing. Make it clear up front. Then, pick a funny or upbeat song that you can talk to rather than sing. Make it fun. Act it out rather than even attempting to sing to it. Do your best to turn your shortcoming into an asset by claiming it and delighting in your limitations.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: At work, we were completing a group exercise on how to respond to negative customer emails. I was working with "Matt," who read our sample email and immediately began talking about how our client was a man. I asked him why he made this quick judgment, and he said that the email was "far too assertive and reasonable" to have been from a woman. I just stared at him in shock. Is it worth my time to explain to Matt that those are sexist stereotypes, or should I just wait for karma to hopefully come around? -- Mars and Venus, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR MARS AND VENUS: You should have said something in the moment, but it is true that many people go dumbfounded when they hear rude comments. It is not too late to speak up, and you absolutely should say something. Tell your colleague how disturbing you thought his comments were. Be sure to point out why. Do not assume that he understands. There's a good chance he thought he was being perceptive.

Go one step further as well. Tell the organizer of the sensitivity session about how Matt reacted to the email that you reviewed. Make it clear that you felt Matt's words were stereotypical and that another layer of sensitivity training seems to be necessary.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a nurse at a hospital in a nearby city. I typically work 12-hour shifts for four days and then have four days off. My children are about to be in school, meaning I will have to work around their schedule as well as my own to spend quality time with them. I have been considering changing my job to a doctor's office or someplace similar where the hours are much more regular.

How can I bring this up to my husband? He has altered his entire work schedule around mine, and I don't want to start a war because of a changing job. -- Daytime Hours, Dayton, Ohio

DEAR DAYTIME HOURS: Think positively and present your idea as a solution to a potentially challenging situation. Point out that it's near time for the children to be in school, which will change the family dynamic considerably. Tell your husband you have been thinking about a solution to ensure that they are well tended and that both of you are able to manage your work and family time. With this in mind, you think it's a good idea to look for a job with a more regimented schedule. Ask him his thoughts about it. What may be helpful is if you do not act like it's a done deal; instead, you create space for the two of you to talk about it.

Learn your husband's opinion about this next phase of your lives. Do your best to keep a calm head and to give space for him to participate. It's so easy to make a unilateral decision with the intention of making things easier, but collaborative decisions go a long way toward keeping the peace and invoking the joy!

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been faced with the harrowing decision of taking my great-uncle off of life support. He has no other living and willing relatives to take care of him, so I am essentially making this decision on my own. Nobody has taken any interest in either direction, but there is a slim chance of him making it out of his coma. He is 92 already, and I have no idea what I want to do.

I do not want to kill him, but I would feel incredibly guilty keeping him alive if all he wants to do is die. Should I force family to get involved so I don't bear the brunt of this decision alone? -- All Alone, Dallas

DEAR ALL ALONE: First, be clear about what your great-uncle's desires are. Did he tell you he is ready to die? If you know this for a fact, then you already know what you should do because he has asked you to take care of him.

You also need to be clear that you will not be killing your uncle if you take him off life support. Artificially keeping someone alive via a machine is an amazing option in the world of modern medicine, but it is an unnatural reality. Also, sometimes people do regain consciousness when they are in a coma and life support is removed.

Talk to your great-uncle's doctors to learn what they believe his prognosis will be. Then definitely speak to your family members to let them know what the doctors have said. While they may not be willing to make a decision, they should be willing to listen to whatever decision you have made.

Do yourself a favor and find out if your great-uncle has a will and whether his papers are in order. It appears your next steps will be handling his affairs upon his eventual passing. That takes a lot of effort and can be emotionally draining. Good luck.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 77-year-old woman who is losing her mobility. I walk with a cane now, and I feel terrible for whoever has to walk alongside me because I remember how frustrated I would get with slow walkers when I was younger.

I want to keep up with my grandchildren and still be seen as the fun grandma. My son tells me if I get a mobility scooter it will be the death of my ability to walk since I won't be doing much of it. Should I take this next step, or will I be losing too much independence by not exercising my legs anymore? -- Hot Wheels, Atlanta

DEAR HOT WHEELS: Talk to your doctor about recommendations for mobility. You may want to get physical therapy to strengthen your body. The reality, though, is that many older people move more slowly than their grandchildren. You must figure out a pace with your family that works for everyone. Choose activities that are fun but not super active. You may also want to use a wheelchair or scooter only for particular activities, like visiting a museum, walking in the park or other things that require prolonged walking. Limited use shouldn't weaken your body.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)