DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife is a car slob. Even though she has her own car, she likes to borrow my car for a few days or weeks. Every time I get it back, it is a complete wreck: empty food containers on the floor, makeup smudges on the seat and steering wheel and coffee cups in the cup holders. She loves driving my car, but it bothers me that she doesn't have the respect to keep it clean. I want to tell her to stop driving my car or clean it up after she uses it, but I'm afraid it will hurt her feelings. How do I tell her? -- Stop Trashing My Car, Denver

DEAR STOP TRASHING MY CAR: It is perfectly reasonable for you to expect that you will receive your car back from your wife -- or anybody else -- in the same condition in which it was lent. If your wife has been doing this same thing for years, you have the added burden of having allowed her to trash your car for a long time without consequence. Still, you can put your foot down. Calmly tell her that you are frustrated because of the way she uses your car. Remind her that you keep your car clean, so it is difficult for you to let her use it and get it back a mess. Acknowledge that this isn’t new, but make it clear that you have had enough. Give her an ultimatum: If she cannot figure out how to keep your car clean, she will have to use her car and give you back your keys.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbors moved in about six months ago, and they have a small dog. He is supposed to have an electric fence that prevents him from leaving their property, but he has gotten out because of battery failure many times and has left “gifts” on our porch. My neighbors are kind and respectful, but their dog is out of control. I’ve seen him destroy the trash on garbage days, and I’ve even seen him hanging from the trash can. How should I tell them to control their dog? -- Curb Your Dog, Stone Mountain, Georgia

DEAR CURB YOUR DOG: Speak up. Give your neighbors a list of things that their dog has done -- from defecating on your porch to potentially endangering itself by hanging onto trash cans. Ask your neighbors to check the electric fence for battery life more regularly. Suggest that they put the dog on a leash if the electric fence isn’t working. Tell them that as much as you are pleased that they have joined your community, you need them to figure out how to control their dog.

You may need to start taking photos or short videos catching their dog in the act so that the owners can see for themselves what havoc their dog is wreaking. Hold your ground when you ask them to figure out a way for the undisciplined dog to be contained.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently offered a job in New York City, where I live. It is a position at a very cool startup with young people like me. My partner, who lives and works in Austin, Texas, has just asked me to move in with him. I am having trouble deciding which path I should choose. On one hand, I would enjoy working for the startup, but I would hate being apart from my partner. On the other hand, if I moved to Austin, I would be happy living with him, but might not find a great job right away. Should love trump a career, or vice versa? -- Fork in the Road, New York City

DEAR FORK IN THE ROAD: Have you and your partner talked about long-term plans? You should consider moving to Austin based on what the two of you want for your life together. While you may not be ready to say you are ready for marriage, you should have some sense of shared goals before you make such a move. Further, many committed couples agree to long-distance relationships as they each build their careers. Is that easy? No, but it affords each of you time to pursue your work.

Shy of the long-distance route, you may want to apply to a few companies in Austin and see if you can find a job that will satisfy you. Don’t turn down the New York City job until you have fully thought the whole situation through and discussed it with your partner.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a dancer my whole life. My parents signed me up for dance classes when I was a little girl, and it stuck with me through high school, as I am part of a private dance company. I love the feeling I get when I dance, and I can’t picture my life without it.

I am about to graduate from high school and go to college. Right now, I’m not sure I want to join my college’s dance team. From what I have been told about the team, it is a huge time commitment. How can I continue my passion for dancing without it taking up all my time? -- Dance Team Commitment, Atlanta

DEAR DANCE TEAM COMMITMENT: Since you love dance so much, why not try the college dance team and see how it goes? You may find that it provides much-needed balance in your life, even if it is demanding. If it becomes too much, you can always drop it. Alternatively, sign up for dance classes that will keep you in the flow without having to commit to all of the team activities.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), which is basically a state of depression that comes as a result of the seasons. She gets down during the winter months, when there is less sun and more dark days, and is happier during the summertime. To alleviate some of the problems, whenever we go on family vacations we always go somewhere warm and sunny -- which isn’t so bad, if you ask me.

I am afraid I may be suffering from SAD, too. Do you know anything about depression or mental health disorders? Are family health issues often passed down? -- SAD Woman, Baltimore

DEAR SAD WOMAN: I have heard of this disorder and know that some people are more irritable when the weather is cold and wet. If you feel like your mood swings are debilitating or more pronounced when the weather is extreme, it is worth it for you to visit a doctor to discuss your options. Get a medical evaluation and learn what you can do to support yourself.

As far as family issues being passed down genetically, it certainly can happen. Not being a doctor, I do not know about this particular condition. I highly recommend that you consult a medical professional to learn what’s going on with you and to get coping skills to help you through tough times.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got fired from my job at an investment banking firm two months ago. I am now at a point where I am desperate to earn money. My father has offered me a position in the company he owns. Everything in my body is telling me not to accept the offer, but I need the money to pay my bills, rent, etc. Do you think I should swallow my pride and work for my father or keep searching for another job in the hopes of something coming up soon? -- Should I Work for Dad?, Cincinnati

DEAR SHOULD I WORK FOR DAD?: Why are you hesitant to work for your father? What challenges do you anticipate? I ask because on the surface, it seems like a gift that your father is offering you. You are out of work and need money, and he is throwing you a lifeline.

If you don’t want to work for your father in the long term, talk to him about your goals. Commit to a particular length of time, and do your best during that period. Continue to look for work, but be sure not to abuse the privilege -- look in your spare time, not on the job. Do your best at your father’s company so that you can receive an honest recommendation when you leave. Listen to his advice even as you stay focused on what you want for yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)